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I have never been tested for ASD, but I acknowledged that I am different from everyone I meet. It's not enough to say I am different. I guess I come off as a bit strange and not altogether there.

For example, up until my early 20's, my favorite past time was laying down on the bed, putting headphones on, and rock from side to side. I don't do this when others are around, but did it often during sleepovers growing up, because I thought it was normal. I would get mercilessly ridiculed by it, so I stopped doing it around others and by 21, deemed it childish so, I stopped doing it altogether. But, I still fight the urge because it's amazingly soothing. It's the only thing that seems to calm me down instantly.

Along with the above quirk, I often don't respond how people want me to. Often enough, I notice people going quiet after I say something. It's really difficult to determine if I was offensive or just awkward. They won't just give you the answer sheet to life. They assume you pick up on what they're putting down. I just find it easier to keep my mouth shut and not speak to many people. I don't talk to people often, unless I know them. But otherwise, I am completely closed off. Because I have a job where I work alone, it is common for me to go months, maybe a year without speaking to anyone, especially face to face. I noticed that I will inappropriately start an argument with my boss for something as small as him removing things off my desk. I won't just get upset. I will scream, slam doors, and cuss. It is absolutely inappropriate . I know it's wrong when I'm doing it, but I have such difficulty controling it. He is very patient with me because my ability to keep up with inventory is through the roof compared to any of my peers. I still don't think it should ever happen again.

Now, my mom, when I was younger took me to a doctor to see if I had autism. The doctor reassured her that I would be flailing my hands, wouldn't be able to speak to her, and absolutely unable to look someone in the eye. But, I saw a video recently explaining that women with ASD often have a tendency to mask what they deem socially unacceptable and pretend like they're normal. I do notice I will assume someone's persona and start talking and acting like them. It makes me feel so dumb, but I don't know how to socialize otherwise.

I am seeking understanding about ASD, because I believe I may have it. If you have any advice on how I can properly seek medical diagnosis; tips on how to cope as an adult; or any other resources, I would deeply appreciate it. Thank you so much.

Welcome! I hope you will find this forum beneficial in your efforts to gain insight to your struggles; many people with a range of backgrounds and experiences post here, hopefully you will find some useful information.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

me too me too! I refer to it as "chameleoning", and it turns out other people do it too, most especially afab people on the spectrum (afab stands for "assigned female at birth" for anyone unfamiliar). I'm not allowed to post urls yet which is understandable but frustrating, but if you message me I do have a link to a post that mentions chameleoning and lists other common symptoms in afab asd people from a website called help4aspergers, and another link about the process of seeking diagnosis as an adult from a blog called musingsofanaspie, although I think you can find them both from the information provided here. sorry for requiring an extra step between you and your answers