I live in Raleigh NC. I just graduated from Central Carolina Community College with an associates degree in Laser and Photonics Technology. Right now I am looking for a full time job, preferably in the Raleigh area that involves working with lasers or photonics technology (e.g. fiber optics). In the meantime, I’m just taking it easy, being glad to be out of school and looking forward to the future. I am making plans with two other guys right now to rent a house and move in together. I think it will be a major lifestyle change for me and a chance to really grow and learn a lot about myself and people in general. I am also considering if I want to keep going to school part time with the aim of getting a Bachelors degree, or if I would rather just focus on a career in laser technology. I am really into reading and writing, and one of my dreams is to maybe have some success as a freelance writer or even a published author. I also enjoy martial arts, dancing, board games/cards, and good one-on-one conversations. I was diagnosed with asperser’s syndrome when I was in Kindergarten, and my whole life I have struggled to fit in with the world. Elementary school was a failure. I sat by myself all the time and rarely spoke to anyone. There would be a few times where I would connect with someone and talk to him/her or do things with, but these were always short lived and no lasting friendships ever resulted. When my family and I began going to a new church, my mom made a decision to home school me. As a part of my home schooling education, I would meet with some of the other students from the church who were also home schooling twice a week. This is where I met some people that I formed friendships with for the first time, some of which are still strong to this day. When I began attending public High School, I saw my situation revert back to what it was during elementary school. I failed to make any friends, and sat by myself in the cafeteria every day for four years. Again, there would be rare times when I would talk to someone or find someone that I felt I had things in common with, but these never lasted. I tried track my first and second year, and did wrestling for a season, but even this failed to help me find people that I could connect with. When my senior year came around, I decided that I wanted to keep the time I spend in school to a minimum (a look at some of my grades will tell you that if I am not dumb, then I am not very motivated to do well in school). I decided all I wanted from education at this point in my life was something that taught me a skill I could use to make money. There really wasn’t anything else I was motivated to do. So I did some research and found out about a program at Central Carolina Community College called laser and photonics technology. It was advertised as a program that trains students to be laser technicians: people who operate, build, maintain, or otherwise work with lasers. All the sources I checked out indicated that the prospects for a laser technician were good, so I decided I would apply to CCCC. The program there looked like everything I wanted. It was cheap, only two years, and I would be able to get a job right away making as much money as any graduate with a four-year degree. Interestingly enough, my dad decided to do the same program with me. He had been taking classes on and off over the years in programming and networking without ever really feeling like he was learning anything very useful. So he applied with me basically for the same reasons I did: it was cheap, only two years, and the job market looked like it would be good. During those two years I was with one group of people that all took the same classes. Most of our classes were taught by two instructors. I got to know some of the guys, and I got to know one particularly well, since he carpooled with my dad and me on our way to school. At first I talked to some of the guys I went to class with, even hung out with them in between classes. However, after the first semester, I hardly talked to any of them at all. Part of the problem was my dad. Everyone had a partner that they did labs with, and my dad sort of became my partner by default. I think this is where I went wrong, because I missed a good opportunity to get to know one of the other guys better. The only other opportunity I had to interact with one of the other students was in between classes. This proved too difficult for me, since they all got together in groups, and I find it extremely difficult to interact with groups. A few of them also already knew each other, which further created a disadvantage for me. They also talked about a lot of things that I could not relate too. So here I am now, graduated from college, not having made any friends from any school I have ever been too. All the friends I made from church have either moved away, gone away to college, or have simply been to preoccupied with their own social groups to find time with me (since I went to high school I only saw my friends from church once a week, after Sunday service). The only people I get to hang out with now are people my sisters know from work. They have supported me a lot the past year, and have helped me in getting out of my shell by including me in the things that they do with their friends. The two guys I talked about moving in with are guys that my sisters know from work.
So that is my story. My whole life has been fairly lonely, and I have handled my loneliness better at certain times than others. I have great difficulty participating in social situations, especially in groups of people. I find it difficult finding things to talk about, and I don’t communicate my ideas very well verbally or nonverbally. I have difficulty reading people, and often I cannot really know how they feel about me. There are a few people that I can connect with, and get along fairly well with. These have always been guys, and I have never met a girl that I could connect with even on a platonic level. I have never dated or had a girlfriend. I went out with a girl once when I was 16. That was when I was visiting New York. After I left, I never saw the girl again. Right now I have high hopes for the future. I am getting better with people, and I am having increasing success with being social. I am looking forward to moving in with two roommates, since I already get along with these guys pretty well; I think it will be a way for me to have some friends that I can see often and depend on. I joined this community so that I could learn from others who have a similar story to me, and also to help others who still falter in areas that I have found success in.
31 May 2007, 2:22 pm
