Hi, I'm new, I have ASD and no one cares.

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Hi everyone,

I am new to the site but was very excited to find out it exists.
I have just been diagnosed Autistic/Aspergers. I am a 31 yr old married mum of three kids and my diagnosis has come on the back on my 6 yr old boy being diagnosed.

I have been obsessively consuming information about what it is to be autistic for both me and my son.
This has been such a revelation for me, the relief I felt when I found out that all the things that have happened in my life have happened that way for a reason and that I feel the way I do for reasons beyond my control, not just because I'm a crappy person or I'm not trying hard enough.

But..... No one seems to care.
My brothers response was well, you've covered it up well, keep going, no point t suddenly becoming an as*hole now. When I try to talk to my dad about it he let's me talk for 10 mins or so and then cuts me off and ends the conversation.
They don't seem to understand at all how much this has affected every aspect of my life thus far, because I've been too good at hiding it.
Hospital visits too many to count without any diagnosis ever from suspected appendicitis to ovarian cysts to migraines - all of which now I can only conclude were meltdowns and burnouts. This means nothing to them.

My husband is coping with my non stop spewing of information at him. But he still can't understand my need for literal verbal response to gauge how he is feeling. And his biggest concern was whether I really love him or if I just say it because I think I should

How did you get through your diagnosis? How did you explain to friends and family that just because you've done such a great job at masking doesn't mean you want to continue doing it?!

Am feeling very isolated and alone.

Hello and welcome! I speak for everyone who reads these Autistic and Aspie (short for Asperger's Syndrome) forums when I say that we are glad that you found us and that you are not alone and that we care because we have the same problems you do.

I also recently found these forms to be monumentally gratifying to read and to contribute to so if you stick with us we can help you work through your problems as we are all trying to work through our problems together.

For myself, I'm from Canada and have Severe High Functioning Asperger's Syndrome. I am incontinent and I can do most things myself although I have a great deal of difficulty with workplace social situations. Actually, all social situations are a tremendous challenge for me. I'm incontinent due to medical and psychological reasons, toileting is another tremendous problem I've had since I was a kid. Public bathrooms used to give me severe anxiety but I no longer have to worry about them anymore now that I have been using adult diapers for several years now. I'm 42 now and I still feel like a child but with an IQ of 160ish.

I've been kicked out of preschool due to frustration, aggression and over-stimulation. I've also been kicked out of a private high school twice, for both grade 10 and grade 11. In adult life I've been fired 9 times from my jobs, been suspended twice, and I've quit my jobs (usually before I thought I would get fired) more then 30 times. Recently, I physically attacked a co-worker because he was making fun of me and I was fired. I react quite violently to bullying. Due to all of those socially challenging situations, I had a heart attack when I was 34.

I am looking at getting an Autism support dog to help me manage unpredictable social situations but I'm unsure of how to handle this in a workplace situation. I may have to kibosh that whole idea because of my job. I have also thought about committing myself to a mental health hospital because I feel that I can no longer support myself reliably. My anxiety and depression have catapulted over the past year and I feel like I can barely hang on to my sanity. I have struggled with self-harm, severe aggression and suicidal thoughts for more than 30 years.

A very late diagnosis is most likely the culprit for the severity of my situation.

Hello!
I'm new to my diagnosis too, and I know your frustration!
I can't stop talking about it with my boyfriend, and he's not even answering.
I get that it might be overwhelming for him too. It's not everyday you find out that your partner has a mental disability. But he doesn't seem to care at all. Even if I ask him "is it bothering you that I'm talking about this?", the response is just "nah" and continued scilence.
He's also said the classical "You're still the same person", and that seems like a good reason not to care too much about it. And yeah, I know that I'm still me. But I certainly feel a lot different. And I know that a lot of things are going to be different from now on.

I'm not quite sure how to get that affirmation either. But I want to try to give him a few articles to read and videos to watch, that I think does a really god job of describing how I have it a lot of the time. Maybe it will sink in better if he hears it from someone else, and especially someone who describes these kinds of things better than I can.


I understand that when there's a child taking most of the attention, it's even harder for you to get the one you need, and for your husband to give it. But if you really need it, you should be able to ask for it.
Is he more interested in learning about autism regarding your son? Maybe you could try to have a few education-sessions, with all three of you? Obviously you don't have the same needs as a 6 year old, but maybe making the husband learn about his son and pointing out how it relates to you as well could be a start.

I don't know how to deal with your father and brothers. I'm so lucky that my younger brother is autistic as well, and so he was overjoyed to find out that I am too. We have a stronger connection now. I haven't told my father yet, but I imagine his response to be similar to your father's.
That part of the family you can't choose, and it's likely that you'll just have to accept that they won't give you that understanding. You can try and ask for it, but if it doesn't work, you'll just have to try and find it somewhere else.
I personally find a lot of comfort on this forum, and I'm going to my first support group meeting tomorrow, which I'm really excited about.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome

Your relatives probably don't know anything much about ASD, especially in women. If they are book readers, you could try buying a book called "Pretending to Be Normal" and leave it lying around. Even if they ignore it (they might take sneaky looks!) you will probably get a lot from it that is very affirming.

The author's surname is Wiley.

Welcome to WP, where *we* care about you.

I was - just like you - diagnosed (actually, half-diagnosed, as it's only the psychologist's opinion, not any official scrape of paper) after 30, married and having children. But in my case it was due to mental health problems I developed.
My in-laws still are like "Asperger's? You mean the mental illness?" No way to explain them that Asperger's is who I am while the mental ilness was anxiety+depression+PTSD
My parents are slowly leaving denial now 6 months after the revelation. Maybe the fact that my mental health is improving quickly since the opinion gave them something to think about.

I don't care. I need to know who I am and how to deal with it.

I hope your husband gets better over time, when he digested all the news. Hugs to you all

Show them this video, worked with my parents. It’s mostly about experiences of a party but it can be relatable to other situations. It does a really good job of showing what it’s like in our heads sometimes. Hope it helps.

https://www.theguardian.com/technology/ ... -360-video

You know, the video made me furious. My mom would never act like this. She would start yelling at me for not behaving right.
I hope I will be a better mother.

Hi, Ive come to realise that it doesnt matter that no one cares it is ME who it matters to, and I am the one who has gained so much from the validation its provided. I have been able to shed years and years of regrets, pain, worry and hurt over things that have happened all because I now understand why they happened. Why I reacted like I did and why others misunderstood me and I had no idea how to explain otherwise, or my outward expressions didnt get the reactions I wanted. Im not really bothered anymore if anyone ever cares because I am secure in my own right to be me, just as I am, just as I want to be without the expectations of anyone else weighing heavy on me. That is the biggest gain, freedom of mind - thus bringing peace of mind.

Hello Lelu_4,

I am new too here, yet I think it is a good forum. Though I am not diagnosed with Autistic/Aspergers, yet I know how it feels not to be understood by your closest people.

So if you need to share more, feel free to do so. Hopefully by sharing, it can help you more. *hugs*