My son and I might both have autistic tendencies

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Hi Everyone,

I'm 35, my son is 3, and one of the coolest human beings ever. Our journey started a year and a half ago, I came out of an abusive marriage, mostly psychological but also my ex taking his father's side when his father was violent towards me. The people doing the custody evaluation were quick to say that my son has autism, and should live with my ex with me having very limited access. This is the current challenge we're dealing with. I'm not sure if autism is the right label, but the reading I have done on it says it's a superpower, not a disorder, and the things my son is obsessed with will ultimately be the key to him changing the world. I would love to find treatment for him that helps him fly, rather than clips his wings like most mainstream autism treatment. But here's where this gets even more intense, autism was one of the labels thrown around for me when I was a kid. Many other labels too. I was abused by my parents as a child, and was only being treated for the PTSD in adulthood. I might have autism, the more I think about it. But if I do, just like for my son, I want treatment that allows me to excel in life, rather than treats me like a disorder and limits me. If I am, maybe that's my son's and my mission together, to figure out how to navigate this train wreck of a world and then to change it for the better.

I own a yoga studio, which I'm trying to keep afloat in the midst of this divorce from hell. I've recently taken up running, which was the missing link I needed the last 35 years to get my aggression out. And then I've been injured for a month, and become aggressive again. One of my life goals is to compete in Ironman triathlon, so I've been doing more swimming, which is a huge challenge. Swimming feels amazing, but at the same time I have a fear of water, so the hardest part is getting in the pool. I've been vegan for 7 years. So can there please be more heroes for the autism community rather than Temple Grandin? My high sensitivity is what made me question the ethics behind what I eat, and ultimately ditch animal products, and thanks to that I'm still in as good health as many 20-somethings despite sky-high levels of stress. Originally from the US (my family lives around Asheville, NC), I moved to Rotterdam, NL 6 years ago to be with my ex(Ik spreek ook Nederlands, het is geen moeilijk taal!). I have to stay here until my son is 18, because his father is Dutch. This might be a good thing, now that the US has Trump. I can't get enough chocolate. I'm a cat person. My son is a huge, physically active kid, very intelligent, and a natural athlete. Seeing the release physical activity gave him made me think I need to do the same for myself, and sure enough I did! He loves cars, animals, and babies. He's very expressive, despite not being able to speak yet.

Anyway, it would be good to connect with people who think like me about autism, that it's not a disorder, but rather a unique way of thinking that the world needs more of. Because ultimately I wonder if the root of autism is being hyperaware of the BS that goes on in the world, to the point where it's overwhelming and one goes into shutdown. Which puts us in a unique position to do something about it. I've also constantly joked are we highly sensitive, or is most of the world highly insensitive? Nice to meet you guys.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

You can help him out by devoting a reasonable amount of time and resources for him to indulge in his Special Interests, which Aspies formerly used to derive a large amount of their self esteem. But, the pressure to be normal in modern days often leaves kids too tired and stressed out to excel in anything.

You have to watch for the medical community seeing your kid as a cash cow. It is easy to get stressed out from too much treatment. But that is how they get paid.

Thank you guys, good to be here!

I am actually in a legal battle over this very thing, his father is trying to say I'm incompetent as a mother and taking him for himself. It's clearly damaging my son. It's like medicine in general, keep people sick, as that's where the profits are. But the whole thing is another discussion for another thread, I do have lots of questions about how to get us out of this mess. But does anyone have or know of experiences where one parent was on the spectrum, so is at least 1 of the children, and the parents are in a nasty custody battle? I'm scared to come out of the closet about being on the spectrum, as they'll probably look at it as the blind leading the blind and give full custody to my ex.

We do have a parent's forum on this site.

That's good, I'll definitely type out a thread with all of my questions in the next day. Only 4 hours in my time zone until the weekend as we speak, so there's some important custody and work related things I need to email about first!