Introduction

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[A Little About Me]

I’m a 24-year-old female living in the United States of America. I’m an only child living dependently with my mother as I partake in a bachelor’s degree in arts (concentration: graphic design).

I like video games and my favorite generas are platforming, open world, roleplaying and simulators. I’m a fan of Sonic the Hedgehog, Pokémon, Digimon, Final Fantasy and some indie games like Slime Rancher and Subnautica.

I enjoy drawing and I mostly draw things that are very dear to me. I also like movies such as horror flicks, animated films and various action and science fiction films. I also love food! Seafood is a favorite of mine as well as cheeses and fried pastries.

[Why Did I Join Wrong Planet?]

I decided on joining for the fact that I’ve been questioning myself if I have autism. I never got a diagnosis before in my life for anything but plan on seeing a therapist soon. I want to observe and mentally take in the information from the different articles and posts on the forum and site itself to motivate me in seeking therapy and just out of curiosity and self-empowerment.

[Why Am I Questioning Having Autism?]

It’s more so since a lot of things that I am and that I do tie into a lot with what I’ve read about the symptoms of autism (and Asperger Syndrome). Such as having extreme difficulty interacting with people in a positive manner without wanting to damage something and inflict harm on either myself or others, especially those I really like. Talking in a way/talk about things which either disinterest people or make them unable to understand what I’m saying. I also have beliefs which are not of the norm in most of western civilization. These typically include a spiritual type of belief involving the concept of the multiverse and forming long-lasting relationships with the otherworldly “imaginary”/fictional entities. This, along with my super kink-influenced life and kink-positive views get me into a lot of beef with people who otherwise see anything dealing with new age stuff, sex and fetishes as taboo, gross and “taking it too far”. This has ended up with me being the victim of various forms of bullying (physical, verbal and cyber) ultimately leaving me very biased, misanthropic and otherwise resentful towards society equaling to an introverted lifestyle with a very bitter/grumpy attitude when I’m out in public. I also stutter with my words and have a hard time talking verbally with people as I get nervous and sometimes perspire.

I also don’t get along with my mother whatsoever and I believe she’s one of the main reasons for my thoughts of suicide as she has for years, punished me and mocked me for my antics of social anxiety and “weirdness”.

Usually, a day with me under stress over being judged or/and scolded for my acts and thoughts may include semi-involuntary acts of inflicting light bruises to my arms, small non-penetrable bits to my arms as well, migraines, being super sensitive to things I touch such as certain fabrics in clothing and surfaces as well as sound. Suicidal thoughts and murder thoughts. Crying, hyperventilating, screaming and either throwing things in my room or causing damage to the apparently, like making a dent in the wall in the living room with my fist and on the back of the handle of my door by throwing a chair after a fight with my mother.

A close friend of mine who has diagnosed autism has also suggested that I may have autism as well or at least would be “the most accurate diagnosis a therapist would give”. All of this is what causes me to refrain from interacting with others, even on the internet as I have a long history of being treated badly in various communities. It also makes it difficult to get a job, although I had one for a minute. And from putting all the pieces together make me question having autism.

[Do I have Friends or People Who Support Me?]

I have 3 friends who I’ve known for over a couple of years now that I’ve become acquainted with through various websites who I communicate with on Skype. I also have otherworldly entities that I have strong bonds with that I consider family. All of which have supported me. I can’t even consider my mother as my “actual” mother and someone who supports my struggles as she really doesn’t…She just hasn’t kicked me out the house yet…

[I’m Considering Taking Therapy]

I haven’t sought out a therapist in years due to a grudge I’ve had against them after my last visit with a school consular back in high school who made me feel like a criminal due to explaining to her about my sexual interests. But now, with myself being older and my emotional state getting worse to cope with, I am seeing the importance of needing one. Though it will be a while till I get one as I need…medical insurance… I'm planning on getting Medicaid which will help me financially see a therapist.

Welcome! I'm sorry you've had such a tough time. I hope you find people who accept you.

Well... I don't know what to say. Sounds like a rough ride. Good luck on getting a diagnosis!

~Glf

Hello
Since you may be on the spectrum if you get counseling make sure it is with someone experienced in the Autism Spectrum. I tried CBT with someone who wasn't (before my diagnoses as ASD) and it was a disaster, and left me feeling very negative towards therapy. Luckily I had had good counseling many years earlier so I knew they weren't all bad, otherwise I would never have asked for an ASD assessment. Good luck and welcome to Wrong Planet

Welcome to Wrong Planet!