Gone through life, not really thinking about who I am until some recent bereavement, stresses at work, daughters illness led me to crash- burnout, meltdown, stop functioning altogether as I call it.
I have been trying to work out myself if I am stressed, depressed, bereaved, dementia, perimenopausal with definitive memory problems. In my search I started listing things about myself and incidentally watched a Tv programme on female adults With Aspergers. Many of the traits they described rang true for me. So I looked into those further and performed the AQ test amongst other online tests -All of which suggested I should speak to my Gp.
Tried to discuss with a GP who referred me onto mental health team as my memory (lack of memory)has been terrible recently. Ruled out depression and dementia,but now left with with having “stress” label.
Saw bereavement counsellor- which helped, I mentioned I am also thinking I may have Aspergers and to my luck she also works part time in secondary school helping children with special needs included autism. I opened up about my life, how I interact, how I cope or do not cope in situations etc and she hasn’t said outright she thinks I am, but directed me to this website along with aspie girl youtube for support as I do not have anyone I trust to disclose this too.
Yes, I am very shy, sensitive to other people’s feelings, sensitive to smells and tastes. Dislike being in crowded places. Like to do things in a certain way, get easily irritated if I am stopped doing what I feel I need to do. I don’t have any particular hobbies, but I do like to research topics in depth to a much greater degree than most other people I know. I’m not sure if this counts as a stim ( if I even described that correctly) but I have always foot tapped when I thought I want something to speed up, move on, if I felt uncomfortable. I do shake my legs in bed to help me sleep, which drives my husband mad, I’ve tried to stop it as I know it irritates him, but the compulsion to stop is hard.
I find it hard describing how I feel in myself and have always felt isolated and lonely. I do not think rocking in a corner to comfort oneself is a bad thing- I never done it, but in my head it’s something I’ve actually wanted to do, but I feel people would think I’m crazy. As a child I liked my own space, I found it of great comfort sitting or lying underneath the dining table which I am now questioning- is this normal?
I frequently feel people talk to much around me and have often said “ please can you stop talking it is interfering with my thought processes”. I’m unsure what response I will get from you all on here, you may just think I am a complete nutter and need to go back to the mental health team for further examinations- well that’s ok, I’m open to suggestions or advice as I really don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I’m the past when life has become difficult I have seen different GP’s who have said I’m depressed and just given me tablets. I think on each occasion now I have misdiagnosed. It has always been a situational/communication type instances where I felt I could not cope or find a way out and usually then involved a change if job, house move where possible.
My parents weren’t ever supportive in the way others are, which has not helped. When I asked my husband if he thought I has Aspergers or Autism he just said yes most likely. I took my youngest daughter to the doctor 2 years ago as she was having serious meltdowns and frustrations developed at school that she would fall to pieces with at home. I actually thought she has ASD so took her along, but they diagnosed her as having social anxiety disorder. I still to some extent disagree with this. At this point I was not thinking about any of my traits at all.
I know I need to go back to the GP and try again t9 get them to listen to me now they ruled out depression to see if I have Aspergers. It’s not something I would choose to have and I know it won’t change who I am and to be honest I’m not expecting any support for it, but if I am it will explain a lot and I will then research ways incoping with this in different circumstances. At the moment I cannot explain to anyone why I avoid them, why I do not reply to text messages, why I need space. I just appear to be rude and unsocial I think to others, which I don’t mean to me.
I am a nice person who will do anything to help others out when I can and would love to find a friend who is like me.
I have nothing to loose so Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
30 May 2018, 4:40 pm
