Hello, nowhere else to go.

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, I don't really know how to start this other than to say that I'm so relieved to have found this forum.

I have suspected that I have Aspergers for probably 3-4 years now and the more research I do, the more I become convinced that this is likely to be the case. However, I still have moments where I feel like I am being ridiculous and embarrassed to even consider it, and others where it seems to be the only explanation for so many things.

Previously, a diagnosis didn't matter so much, but now I am a mother and feel I've reached breaking-point. I'm really finding it so difficult to manage looking after my son, working and being a partner, daughter, friend etc. I always feel I am just one stressful situation away from Armaggedon.

I can't stop analysing my behaviour and wondering what it means. I have taken all the online tests and they they tend to show a borderline ASD score if I answer as I am now, but a high ASD score if I answer as I would have 15-20 years ago as a young teenager. The truth is I feel like I have lost myself, I have no idea who I would really be if I had been allowed to grow in a world without expectations, mean comments and being made to feel odd.

I have been diagnosed with PTSD, OCD, Generalised Anxiety and Post-natal depression/anxiety in the past by various doctors but I have always felt that the problem is something innate within me, there since birth.

I'm so scared that my strange behaviour is going to affect my son. I want him to have a 'normal' mother but I live in a part of the world with very few diagnostic options for adults. I don't know who to turn to. I'm so tired of trying to be normal, of having to explain myself when I really don't have or can't articulate the answers.

I hope that is written in some kind of organised manner though I have just written it as if I was thinking out-loud, thank you so much for reading.

Hello Alebear. I've just come back here from a long break, so I'm sort of new here too. I'm sorry to hear of the hard time you've been having.

Something I came across recently that seems interesting is "broader autism phenotype". I think that description fits me pretty well, and I can relate to what you say about going back and forth between thinking you may or may not be autistic.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!