Welcome to Wrong Planet!
I hope that you can find answers and stories that you can relate to here. Of course, keep in mind that isn't the same as getting a proper diagnosis (you should get second opinions if you have doubts). I would say that autism by itself is unlikely to be "what is terribly wrong with you", more often than not it's the depression and anxiety disorders (or other co-morbids) that often come in combination with the autism that are the cause (you seem to self-describe yourself as having a lot of anxiety). Sorry to hear that you are having so much trouble understanding yourself and your problems, that can be one of the most painful things, as many other members here, it took me a very long time to receive my diagnosis. I wish you the best of luck!
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After years of self-imposed exile. I am now making an effort to talk to people. So anyone feel free to PM me on any subject, I would love to try to interact with people more!