My Story May Help You

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I'm here to help as many of you as I possibly can with my own personal experiences with Asperger's and a few of the other..traits of mine that I've had to learn to deal with over time. Now, this will be one of a possible handful of posts dedicated to provide some of my personal insight on how to help yourselves and those around you in general situations, and some other, more specific, situations that you or your loved ones will be faced with as time goes on. I believe that as my story unfolds, anyone who reads it will feel a bit more comfortable and confident afterwards. I suppose I should start at the very beginning, but it's very late at the moment so I'll just keep it a bit short for now, though tomorrows post should be a bit longer.

I'll start by saying that even after learning what I've learned and improving in ways that I never thought possible, there are still many things that are pretty difficult for me. It will always be hard, but because of this true challenge, you'll only get stronger as you continue to push through each challenge you're faced with, so always remember, no matter how bleak things may look all too often, you always have a fighting chance. Like most others, it all started very early in life for me, first the tourettes at age six, then the obvious social development symptoms just a short year or two after that. It all just kept piling up over time, it was truly exhausting, mentally, emotionally, and even physically at times. Over the years, I learned to watch my own behavior and learn from myself, which is the very first step in learning to cope with and even overcome these differences in each and every one of us. I had learned that before I can be taught by another, I must first teach myself, and that is what helped me get to where I am now. I haven't entirely overcome all of my social challenges, but I have learned to adapt. It has become almost instinctual for me to essentially snap out of that awkward state of mind when going to public places, coming into contact with strangers, etc. The key to adapting, not to your surroundings, but to yourself, is to keep track of a few of the things that you usually do when confronted with a social challenge. Once you see and understand your almost involuntary reactions when confronted with social challenges, you can begin to take those reactions into yourself, with those reactions essentially becoming a part of you. Think of it as a sort of personal upgrade. Once you have applied that personal upgrade to your mind, you will start to react that way on a more subconscious level, rather than a physical level, and that will give you a taste of the mental strength that you are all capable of obtaining. Start slow, only focus on one or two of your reactions at a time, this will definitely take some time to master, but it's more than worth the effort, I promise. If you continue to train yourself in this way, you'll find yourself much better at face-to-face communication, almost like flipping a switch in your mind. Think of it as turning on a light, when the light is off, your mind is sound and peaceful, alone, but never lonely, you have all of that space to yourself, while after turning that light on, you're readying yourself to let some guests in, showing the real, bright you in all of your glory for all to see. I realize that might sound pretty daunting, and it is at first, but it's not unlike easing into a hot bath, you take it slow so you're not overwhelmed, but once you've eased in there, it becomes very relaxing, and just feels so right. Now, I'd like to ask you readers to give this a shot, whether it's for your benefit or the benefit of a loved one, it will be very worth the time and effort. Remember, one step at a time, focus on one reaction, think about that reaction, and understand the reaction and why you react that way, not unlike meditation, you'll learn to make that reaction a part of your mind, something that you'll automatically do subconsciously, leaving you free to engage in conversation, short or long, or to just go places you want to go, and see things you want to see, without having to worry about freezing up in the midst of communication. Making that a part of you will add to who you are and how well you handle social situations, and improve your life in many ways. it has worked wonders for me in a few different ways. I may still be pretty antisocial, but when the time for confrontation comes, I'm able to instantly cope and carry on as if it was more challenging for the other person than it was for me. Sometimes I wonder if I had made some mistakes during this learning process, adapting in ways that were beneficial, yet harmful to myself in other ways on a more...mental level. I want to tell you how I may have made myself worse in a few ways so that hopefully none of you make the same mistakes that I seem to have made. Rather than feeling like a personal upgrade, they feel like disguises, nothing more than masks that I put on in certain situations. They feel hollow and fake, like it's not really me. I'm almost constantly exhausted in many ways every day of my life. Controlling my tourettes, not even letting them out in the safety of my own room, is especially exhausting. Trying to pull of this false persona of mine at every turn is almost traumatic, it makes me feel like I could crumble at any minute. I refuse to talk to others, even family members, because part of adapting the way I did involved closing myself off from everyone around me, relying only on myself in terms of dealing with these emotions and mental turmoil. I had a therapist, but they believe that I no longer need to see her, they think I've made progress, but I've only continued to damage myself in this endless cycle of my slow and painful self-destruction, I need one now more than ever, but no matter how clearly I understand that, I still can't help but to refuse any help offered to me. I have created this alter ego in my mind that helps me keep going, pushing me to succeed and survive, because I know that without it, I'd have lost myself a long time ago, and those who care about me would have lost me too. I'm not who I tried to become when I started this process, though in some ways I'm better than who I tried to become, but in most other ways, I'm nothing like the person I wanted to be. My mind is as strong as steel, and had it been any weaker than it is, I wouldn't be here typing this to try to help as many people as I can. I may have failed in most areas of this process, but thanks to that, i have learned so much more, things that I hope to pass on to others so that they may help themselves in ways that I tried to help myself. I have succeeded in strengthening my mind, learning from the faces of those around me so that I can better understand non-verbal communication, etc. You need to continue on carefully if you decide to try these methods, any mishap could change you for the worse, like it did for me. Just be careful...my mistake was that I had fed my limitations, I supported them when I made them a part of me. I tried to draw my strength from them, tried to make them my greatest allies, my teachers, but they became my masters, and now even though I have and continue to use them to my advantage when I need to, those limitations found different parts of my life to attack. I just hope you don't give into them if you take them in like I have, I thought that I could work with them, but instead, despite retaining the lessons I've learned and the social skills that came with them, it often feels like they have take over. I had kept them with me for so long, rather than reading them like a book, learning what I could, and locking them up, I have left them out, thinking I could learn more, but I think I've read more than I should've and they have left an unwanted mark on my mind. If you do decide to try this, again, be careful, it turned out to be a very dangerous game to play alone. I had closed myself off too early, and was unable to get the assistance I needed when trying to control these things. If you're young, ask your parents or guardians to walk you through this, step by step, please don't do this on your own.

This got pretty dramatic pretty quickly, but I felt that it was my responsibility to include the warnings and any unwanted results. This method may not be a safe as I would have preferred, at least, for people as young as I was, but it really can work, as long as you have someone to guide you through it. I mentioned earlier that I had learned to control my tourettes, I may post about how I managed to gain almost complete constant control of it tomorrow, but for now, I'll leave it at this. I hope you all have a good night.

high TLOD welcome to our club

Too late, I already did that too Yeah, and like you, I ended up isolating myself as a result because the pressure of constantly doing it was too much. For that reason, I'm not sure that putting all your focus in training and forcing yourself to fit in and pass as "normal" is actually the correct route, but maybe for someone else that does work, who knows.

P.S. I tend to be bad at this too, but you might want to put in paragraph breaks for a super long post, otherwise it's too intimidating of a block of text.

Welcome TheLightofDawn!

Didja teach him the secret handshake yet?