46 year old guy, should I get a formal diagnosis?

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Hi all,

Recently, I took my 20 year old son to the doctors suspecting some kind of autism. I knew nothing about it but I know he'd struggled his whole life in social situations, totally absorbed by programming, anxiety etc. So, I went with him to the initial evaluation. The evaluator asked lots of questions and my son and I sat there (not looking at him) answering the questions. He then pointed out that both my son and I had exactly the same expressions and hand gestures etc. My son was given an AQ test to take away to complete and post for the next step in the evaluation process. As we were leaving, he gave one to me too and said that's it's my choice. OK, I'm not stupid, it had become very clear to me in the questions they were asking that I was in that field too. I scored 46 out of 50 on the test.

I have many coping mechanisms in place (some more successful than others) that help me in life. I spoke to my wife about it and she simply said: "I know". I spoke to my Mum about it and she said, "but you present to large audiences, how does that work?". I pondered that for a while, even whilst presenting and then the answer appeared....I am talking to a blank room about something I'm interested in. I can do that for hours, whether anyone wants to listen or not. I find it awful after presenting when people want to talk to me one-to-one. That takes some effort and is very tiring.

I have a long history of awkward situations, rubbish friendships etc that are all explained well by these traits. The hardest: being a good programmer in a financial institution, making a good living, then because of my skill getting promoted into a situation where I was responsible for 100+ staff. Needless to say, I totally fell apart with stress and anxiety and it took a couple of years to get over it and recover some confidence.

I'm sure you know that I have focussed hard on this for a few weeks now I have to move my focus to something more productive now as I know I cannot change, in fact I don't want to. Sure, it may be better if I found it easier to make friends but it's not so important to me. They eat time and unless they are interested in the same things as me, I get bored.

My son is still going through the process and we expect a diagnosis soon.

Can I ask, should I bother to get a diagnosis or just get on with my life? I'm in two minds and the indecision isn't helping my karma. Will it benefit me or just label something unnecessarily?

Welcome:

I'm right around your age, also male and at this point self-diagnosed.

Since you've been thinking about this a lot, what are the "pros" you've come up with if you were diagnosed positive? How do you think you'd benefit from that?

For me, the only "pros" I can come up with:

- Having a reason for explaining so many of the challenges I've faced in my life. Confirmation.
- Having the ability, on the occasions I'd feel it would be helpful, to tell someone I'm autistic. Explanation.
- Although my wife and family are already sympathetic to my hyper-sensitive sensory issues (primarily sound) and my need for solitude to "recharge my batteries", a diagnosis would further cement this. Validation.

Aside from those things. I see no reason for me to seek a diagnosis at all.

I don't care about improving social skills.
I'm amused by what you said about friends because I feel the same way.
I don't need, nor do I believe I could even get any sort of assistance or benefits, financial or medical.

Also, while people with autism generally have difficulty socially, I think speaking in front of a group about a topic the person is interested in isn't the same as talking one on one or in a very small group "face to face". I seem to recall some poll taken where a large number of people feared public speaking more than death. The majority of those respondents would have been NT. My point being, public speaking isn't only an NT skill. Temple Grandin speaks very well in public. From what you've said, you speak well in public. For approximately fifteen years I spoke in public reading scripture at church services sometimes in front of hundreds of people. In all that time, I've spoke in public over 1,000 times. Through the years a large number of people have said I should be in radio and/or they compliment me on my voice (which makes me feel weird). I will say public speaking through the years has been hard for me varying from mildly difficult to nearly passing out from stage fright (tunnel vision, knees locked, holding breath). I would go through periods of time where it was not that big of a deal for me to speak in public to periods of being on the other end of that spectrum and back again. I have tapered off from doing that in sort of a "semi-retirement".

Last edited by Magna on 04 Oct 2018, 10:42 am, edited 1 time in total.

Typically there aren't any resources available for adults with an ASD diagnoses. In Connecticut a lot of mental health resources are only available to children. The situation is different for the wealthy. But, for many, no insurance coverage means they can't afford treatment.

Good point. I work with health insurance. You're correct. The majority of health insurance plans, at least individual health insurance plans in the U.S. do NOT provide mental health or chem dep coverage at all. It's possible with some plans for a person to purchase that type of coverage as an additional monthly premium expense when they start up a health insurance policy but as such, it's a higher cost. So most health insurance plans: No therapy, no counseling of any kind.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi, I'm 46 and diagnosed this year. I found it helpful to have the facts.

Welcome MonkSi!

I apologize, but I cannot answer that question for you. I do not know your situation well enough and find that it is your own decision. Would also recommend not letting others influence such an important decision.

What I can recommend, is making a list of what it might give you, the advantages and disadvantages. Think about it thoroughly, read on the subject matter, and in the the end, form a thoroughly thought out decision which you feel satisfied with.

Good luck!

Enjoy the forum.