New, maybe autistic?

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epilanthanomai
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Joined: 1 Mar 2019
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02 Mar 2019, 12:19 am

For a long time I've joked that I'm probably mildly autistic. I never really took it too seriously: Yeah, I had some major quirks, but I managed them (some better than others) and usually I could avoid it becoming a big problem. In the last couple months it's been becoming a bit more of a problem, and I've started re-evaluating my relationship to that joke. I started seriously reading symptom descriptions and autistic people's experiences and really connecting with them. That reading drew a lot of those old quirks into startling focus, connecting dots that I'd long thought of as a random constellation of oddities. Out of curiosity I took a bunch of online quizzes, and to nobody's surprise I scored pretty high on them, even when I strained to answer as conservatively as possible.

The other day I asked my old therapist to start up appointments again. We hadn't talked about autism before, but I trust he'll be helpful. I'm having a lot of complex feelings around the idea that I might be autistic. Partially it's a relief that some chaotic history might have a pattern. Partially it's embarrassment at not having noticed. Partially it's worried about accidentally stepping on people's toes by jumping into self-diagnosis. But mostly it's just curious and a little hopeful that I might have just stumbled into something really valuable for me.

Anyway, hi! I've been lurking for a couple of days, and tonight I made an account so I could introduce myself and start engaging a little more. It's neat to be here trying to figure out how I fit <3

Zinnia86
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02 Mar 2019, 12:40 am

Welcome

zcientist
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02 Mar 2019, 12:17 pm

Welcome to WP, hopefully this site will help you.

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Trogluddite
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02 Mar 2019, 1:00 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet,

epilanthanomai wrote:

I'm having a lot of complex feelings around the idea that I might be autistic. Partially it's a relief that some chaotic history might have a pattern. Partially it's embarrassment at not having noticed. Partially it's worried about accidentally stepping on people's toes by jumping into self-diagnosis. But mostly it's just curious and a little hopeful that I might have just stumbled into something really valuable for me.

That sums up just about perfectly how I felt when a counsellor first suggested that I look into the idea. I've been formally diagnosed for about three years now, and in that time, I've spoken to many people who didn't see the connection until later in life. The rollercoaster of thoughts and feelings about it is perfectly normal, as far as I can tell, but you'll find plenty of people to talk to here who've been through very similar experiences. I hope you find it as rewarding as I have!

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AnonymousAnonymous
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02 Mar 2019, 3:16 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

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Map84
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Joined: 25 Feb 2019
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02 Mar 2019, 4:30 pm

My therapist suggested the idea to me 2 weeks ago, I was shocked on one hand, and not remotely surprised on the other. For the first week I'd swing between the two, but it's settled pretty quickly actually. Nothing bad has happened, I'm still the same person, and I guess I know myself a bit better for it. Don't think I'll bother with a formal diagnosis, at least not for now.
Welcome to the forums, don't be frightened, you're the same great person you always were

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jimmy m
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02 Mar 2019, 6:37 pm

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

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