New here... looking for support etc

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I think I may have joined this site a few years ago. I just can't remember if I ever posted or actually registered. Anyway, I met my husband 4 years ago. We have now been married 2 years. In the first 6 months or so I started to think more than just anxiety and mild depression was going on. I gently brought up Aspergers and he told me that his first wife said the same thing (they divorced 10 years before we met). His description of his first marriage was very toxic so I felt kind of bad for saying it because I got the impression she didn't say it in a gentle way. He's always felt something was wrong with him but no one had answers. He's seen a psychiatrist for the last 13 or so years and has just been diagnosed with major anxiety disorder. I kind of dropped the Aspergers idea after his best friend told me I was wrong.

Fast forward to now... 4 years in and the last 6 months or so have been much harder. I started looking into Aspergers again and found a group on Facebook. They led me to an online test which I convinced him to take. He scored through the roof (my score was a 40 and his was 144 but I think a couple of questions might have been answered wrong which would increase his score). He then admitted that not only did his ex wife think he had Aspergers but so did their marriage counselor. Most of me is relieved because his behavior is SOOO confusing to me but when I see it in terms of Aspergers it makes much more sense. Without it his behavior often leaves me doubting everything. Because he's such a perfectionist and very self loathing I think the idea of high functioning autism embarrasses him. He's got a great job and people who don't hate him think he's a "national treasure" hahaha! He's the smartest person I've ever known and the funniest. I love him to death but at the same time I feel sooooooooooooo much frustration sometimes.

The frustration is why I am here seeking support and information because I want this to work. I can't imagine life without him but yowza it is HARD and I'm a very sensitive person.

We will both be 50 this year. I have 2 teenagers from my first marriage and he has one almost 5 yr old from a prior relationship (they were never married and mom moved on while she was pregnant - that's a whole other major stress factor that is extremely difficult to cope with).

Aspies typically like routines, so if you can work in together time or together activities on a regular basis that is likely to help the relationship.

I'd also suggest monitoring this site to see if you can find practical ways of reducing his stress levels.

For instance, some Aspies have trouble making appointments. A partner who keeps track of them can help reduce stress. Which means more energy for other activities.

Finally, if you need something you need to ask. You should strike the word "obvious" from your relationship.
Nothing is "obvious" to an Aspie if social interaction is involved.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP. Your husband reminds me of me a bit. I am also in the age neighborhood of both of you. One thing I've dealt with about being aspie is that I hate to make mistakes; regardless how much I could think through something to where a mistake doesn't occur. Things that are common sense to normal folk can be torture for an aspie.

At least there is some clarity in the fact that he has been diagnosed. I wish you the best in staying strong in the marriage.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!