Hello: Newbie here self-suspected aspergers - Female 33

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Hi there,

I’m new here and wanted to say hello and to tell you my story so far...

I’ve always been different since being a young child. A tom boy that felt more like a boy until I hit puberty. Never had many friends and struggled to keep friendships. My longest was with a boy slightly younger than me and we played like boys do together. This friend was outside of school. At school, from infant school I played alone and this really didn’t bother me until I started getting older (puberty again). I had an obsession with dinosaurs. I had no interest in playing with the girls and really didn’t understand their games of playing ‘mummy’s and daddy’s’. I still have no maternal feelings and don’t want children. I have enough lookin after myself even if I did lol.

I was bullied from junior school all the way through to college. I was called alien and always tried to get a best friend once I got to secondary school but these friendships never lasted. I’d take on the persons interests and personality and I’ve done this all the way until the last year or so. I’ve been seeing a counsellor long term because I’d lost my identity. I know believe I have been masking most of my teenage and adult life, to the point it has become second nature. It’s taking me lots of mental effort to make a conscious assessment of my actions and to make sure I’m being true to myself. I asked my counsellor if he thought I was on the spectrum and he said it had crossed his mind but he can’t make a diagnosis as it’s not his position to make. He encourages me to find like minded people. My favourite word for myself is weird. But I do t look at this as a negative anymore. I like myself now I’m lettig myself be who I am.

I have sensory issues (loud busy rooms full of people are really distracting), social interaction is hard work and a lot of the time I don’t get jokes and have to rehearse situations in my head before I socialise. I’d rather be on my own most of the time.

My mum was the same as a child too, she said she used to pull her hair out and eat it and rock. She still does. I used to rock and have breath holding and screaming fits as a child. And anxiety has been a constant companion. I just didn’t know what it was until I learnt what panic attacks and anxiety was.

I also have hypermobile joints and constant pain as a consequence of this. I’ve never had much support when I’ve opened up and even now get labelled a hyperchondriac and get told ‘everyone has aches and pains’.

I have done many test and read ‘Aspergirls, and I can relate. My test results say I’m most likely neurodiverse.

I like control in my life but at the moment home and work is rather chaotic. I was anorexic in my late teens (down to 6 and a half stone, I weight double that now) and like to experience things if it’s on my terms. I’d always done what others wanted before and suffered with bouts of depression, not knowing the cause.

Anyway... sorry for the long post but if anyone can relate or understand where I’m coming from that would be fantastic! All I want is validation from others instead of being made to feel like I’m getting ideas in my head again... I’m thinking of trying to get a diagnosis, I finally feel like I fit somewhere even though we are all different. Spectrum or no spectrum.

Thanks for reading.

Welcome to WP. I hope you'll find like-minded people here.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

Many of the problems Aspies deal with are stress based. Stress is cumulative in nature. Unless one learns how to successfully vent stress energy it can accumulate and evolve into distress.

I will recommend a book that deals with venting stress energy. It is called "In An Unspoken Voice" by Peter A. Levine.

The other thing I would like to pass onto you is a GOAL. Some Aspies follow a different path. It is almost an evolution. They can transform like butterflies into a trait called a NONCONFORMIST. So I would recommend this transition.


The following are Quotes on Nonconformists

Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do. – Rob Siltanen: Apple, "Think Different" campaign

It gives me great pleasure indeed to see the stubbornness of an incorrigible nonconformist warmly acclaimed. - Albert Einstein

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect. - Mark Twain

Our wretched species is so made that those who walk on the well-trodden path always throw stones at those who are showing a new road. - Voltaire

Not all those who wander are lost. - J.R.R. Tolkien

You have enemies? Good. That means you've stood up for something, sometime in your life. - Winston Churchill

Do not follow where the path may lead. Go, instead, where there is no path and leave a trail. - Ralph Waldo Emerson

A "normal" person is the sort of person that might be designed by a committee. You know, "Each person puts in a pretty color and it comes out gray." - Alan Sherman

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. If you try it, you will be lonely often, and sometimes frightened. But no price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself. - Friedrich Nietzsche

The average man is a conformist, accepting miseries and disasters with the stoicism of a cow standing in the rain. - Colin Wilson

“Freedom began on the day the first sheep wandered away from the herd.” ― Marty Rubin

Welcome! I think there are a number of women here that have gotten their diagnoses via the NHS,

Thank you everyone.

I’ve feel I’ve conformed for far too long. I don’t want to feel ashamed for enjoying playing computer games in my thirties (playing No Mans Sky at the moment). I’ve been far too worried about what other people think of me and pleasing others. I’ve made myself this super-nice mask. My partner sees the true me but I’m not sure he believes me when I tell him I think I’m on the spectrum.

I’ve not had very good experience with the NHS. Been trying to get some help for my chronic pain/hypermobility has been hard enough. If anybody on here has had experience I’d love to hear how you got on. I’m scared that because I’m female that I won’t be taken seriously (with how it presents with women).

Welcome to WP!