Hi! My name is... Well, first rule of the internet since day one tells me I should stick to my handle. So yeah, I'm Writenicely! I'm 24. I've always lurked on websites related to either to social anxiety or autism spectrum since I was a kid my teens but now I decided to come here because I'm in grad school, and I saw a thread that I really related to. But I felt it would be rude of me not to first introduce myself.
I've always been awkward, shy, but I just assumed it was because other kids didn't give me a chance, were immature, or maybe I just sucked at getting them. And I would grow up beautiful, intelligent and be easily recognizable as an awesome person. But.. I'm still misunderstood by my peers. And other grown adults. And I still get flack for not understanding subtle, easy to miss things when people don't directly approach me. Like I genuinely don't understand how people can't say anything, and stay silent, and then get mad/annoyed at me. Or why we follow so many things that seem to not actually make sense. And I miss things a lot, even though I honestly try my hardest to listen and be supportive to other people.
I have no formal diagnoses. Actually, in the past week I've been attempting to get connected to actual psychological services so I could be officially diagnosed for the sake of getting accommodations, because I know I've always been "slow" as I carefully try to learn everything before doing anything (whereas my peers just rocket out and get something done like they UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING). But no therapists, counselors, or psychologists are available. I'm in a sad place where I feel scared and overwhelmed. And sometimes even ashamed, because people say that I'm naive or unfocused. Sometimes I hear people say that my communication is confusing and it hurts to know that I can't approach people.
I'm sorry if I come across incredibly vague or weird.
I just wanted to come to a place where I felt like I could have a chance at being understood and learn from other people, and maybe even build social connections