Im not really too sure how to start this. Introductions are difficult no natter what for me. But here goes.
Hello everyone. Names Jay. I'm 21, well 20 years old. (Haha umm this seems very awkward no matter how many times I do it so sorry for how terrible all this is) I came across wrongplanet while searching for reasons, for how I think and go about my daily life, for the longest I've felt different than most. When I first started school I was placed into a speech class, I didn't speak with any of the other 'normal' students or the teachers. I remember going into it feeling bad because the other kids made fun of the students in the class, but after not too much time the students in that class became my best friends. I loved it, would talk and help the other students with their work because it was all soo easy. I 'graduated' the class fairly quickly and remember drawing from hand from a baby dragon yugioh card everyone in the class a sized up picture to color for my last day(stayed up all night getting every detail edact, if the space between the class was a quarter cm then everything was drawn to scale by hand, one sheet of lined paper with ALOT of erasing. Then traced the final product onto plain printing paper. I don't remember any of their names or faces, but I miss it. After that I no longer went to the classes and only went to normal ones. All throughout my school career I just barely floated by. I seldom got a call home from teachers unless it had to do with my grades and lack of motivation, every teacher would get upset because I'd do tests and easily pass but 'refused' to do other work. It didn't make sense to me. Why bother doing the most if I could just do the tests and quizzes and get a passing grade, not only that but school became just one big pattern. Everything was the same and just didn't allow me to try. I'd honestly get a body feeling that seemed to halt me from even really trying to 'give it my all' if I wasn't interested in the subject matter. Even if I read the text book I was more so just looking instead of reading, it's hard to explain. Recently I've even started to notice I do the same to people. I'll be looking them in the eyes trying to focus and pay attention but it's just not sticking. With books I'd look over the words and when a test came I'd just kind of 'know' what was what. Even with teachers who lectured. I could be 'sleeping' as they said but when called upon be able to answer whatever they needed, I still do the sleeping thing at times through life. But know it's just me zoning out that happens when I'm stressed or something.
Ok wait....im gonna stop. Got a little too into that....I'm sitting here smiling and tearing up. The memories are just so vivid, and I can't just recall them so I'm really enjoying it. Again. Wow. Sorry. Starting to rant again, and for kind of using my first post as a diary excerpt. I don't talk often. And hell at first it was hard to start this just like an essay. But it just started flowing. Again sorry.
Ok. I'm done. Gonna just post it before I delete it and feel stupid for that....prolly going to regret posting this anyways.... LAST THING. I am not diagnosed with As. But I think I fit the symptoms....not even sure if I listed them in this.....ughh....
Well yea. Glad to be here!!
11 Nov 2015, 10:34 pm
