Burned out and Reaching out

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Greetings. I'm a newcomer, actually been on the spectrum for years (I was diagnosed really early on in life, but it didn't click for me personally until I was in my 20s... had to reattain my diagnosis with the old paperwork a few years ago because I'd neglected doctors' visits for so long due to depression that I wasn't in any systems), but with recent events I've been reaching a point where I'm angry and tense pretty much any time I'm not near my house (and sometimes when I'm in it, if the day's built up to be bad enough). It might seem like smaller meltdowns, but it's happening too often and I suspect full-on burnout is happening. And I've reached the point with my family that I'm not sure they make a good enough support group any more. (They're not cruel, just they're kind of clueless.)

Given the kind of world I'm likely entering in a couple years (where I will FINALLY be living on my own proper - I'll be in my late 30s by that point), having rage attacks with burnout and not having a solid support network is a VERY BAD COMBO. As I know for a fact I can't mask my emotions to save my life, I'm trying to address this and I'm reaching the point where any new perspective is going to be scholarly (and thus take eons to read well) unless I try talking to actual people on the spectrum directly.

So, here I am.

I'll go over what I know of my own condition for sure and my stance on some of the myths in another post some time later, but suffice to say I've probably only reached the "acceptance" stage of my condition and haven't gotten to being fully "proud" of it, as it were.

Hey, just to be completely transparent I have no idea if I'm truly on the spectrum or not. That said..

I've always had trouble communicating with my family. I'll have a great pleasant conversation, and then it will come up later for example. That's when they tell me what I said was inappropriate and why. Part of me feels grateful, but part of me feels so frustrated, because I really thought I had succeeded in having an appropriate conversation, and everyone had a good time. They'll often assume I say things out of malice, or that I'm just some angry jerk, and that really hurts. I still don't understand why people seem to just assume the worst possible intention out of what someone says, rather than guessing at an intention or meaning that is not malicious instead. It's extra confusing because I'm over thirty years old, it's not like these people just met me... I've always been sure I have some kind of problem, and I'm still not sure what that is, exactly, but each time I've reached out they've always responded by telling me I'm ridiculous and that I'm normal, and I'm just lazy, and I don't pay attention. If I just paid attention and wasn't so damn lazy, then I wouldn't have these problems.

I don't know if this helps or not. Personally, I'm comforted when people share a similar or relatable experience. It feels good when I'm reminded that I'm not alone. So, I wrote this here in case you can relate to this, in the hopes that it will help. I won't pretend that I'm sure I can relate to you when I'm not completely certain that I can, but FWIW, I hope your challenges ease up, or you get a break. Good luck to you.

It does sound like you are burning out because my experience is along those lines but different.

I get shutdowns and partial shutdowns instead and I can usually mask so well for such a long time that I used to assume that everyone else masked, and they were better masking then I was so they could get friends. (It did not occur to me when I was in school that they did not mask. I assumed everyone did. (I did not even know it was called masking but I knew I did it)).

The last time I hit burnout I hit it big when I last worked and finished work in early september 2019. I am still recovering from the effects of it and from how I feel now, it is going to take more time, as I am still not right.

I was having continual multiples of partial shutdown while I was in work and I was also struggling to fight off full shutdowns and I did have a few.

I recognize from what you wrote that you are having a similar experience but in a semi mild but continual meltdown experience.

Now at this moment in time I am on a list waiting to be assessed, so I don't know if I am on the spectrum yet, but regardless of that, I do believe I understand burnout (As I have had it several times) and the only way I know to make it subside is by relaxing as much as you can and being in an enviroment where you can relax.

I do not know what a support network is or what it can do to help you while in this situation as I have never experienced one like that, but I do have the help and support of my local autism team while I am waiting to be assessed, though I realize they can not offer full support (Not sure what that is in a practical form as I write as I have never had it) until after I am assessed which could be a while yet.

Prior to hitting the burnouts I have I was coping ok in life I guess. I was always different and never fitted in somehow like others did, but I assumed that was down to having a different upbringing. (You can tell that if I am on the spectrum that my parents probably were/are as well. My Mum certainly would be as would her Mum have been and my Mums sister definately would have been).

But anyway. I hope you can find ways to de-stress so the situation subsides. We all need a carefree holiday somewhere familiar but without stress.

self care always first, sometimes we are so busy "putting out fires" and trying to reach goals others or society or we ourselves have set thinking certain things are expected of us that we don't have the rest and self understanding we need to set limits and make sure we have our own needs taken care of too.

I agree. Problem with me was that I did not know what was happening to me and by the time I did it was too late and the damage had ben done.

I think putting a priority of looking after oneself is really the only way to start the recovery and if there is a way where one can be supported without work or without college or school for a while then do it. Ones health always comes first.

Welcome to WP! I think you will find some nice folk here.

And I hope you achieve a successful and happy living-on-your-own situation.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Aspies experience significantly more stress than the average NT. Stress is chemical in nature. It builds up within the human body unless it is vented. And then it will explode into distress. It is like a glass being filled with water. When the water reaches the top of the glass it overflows. This can produce "rage attacks and burnout".

Since you said "I'm trying to address this and I'm reaching the point where any new perspective is going to be scholarly", I will offer a good book to read. "In an Unspoken Voice" by Peter A. Levine. It will give you a different perspective.

Thanks, everyone.

My experiences have always been the opposite problem. I find it really hard to converse with a lot of people because it seems as if I can only read or recognize negative emotions, disapproving or contemptuous stares, etc. No real ability to recognize positives.



While putting my own health first is an option, being supported without work is... not the best choice for where I want to be. And funny enough, working itself doesn't seem to be quite the issue (although the way I work winds up with a lot of sneaky 3-4 second "micro-breaks"). The thing I've most noticed is that any sign of restriction (not merely the physical-restraint kind a depressing number of autistic people get, but for me it includes any HINT of a restraining action outside the social norm or even a simple rule change) sends me on the fast track to full-blown catastrophizing full-body-tension panic.

It kind of leaves me out of ANY sort of world-changing actions and definitely means I can't get anywhere near the news (ANY of it, frankly).


Now, for what I was hinting at earlier. Some of what I know about what I've got:
-As mentioned earlier, I can't seem to recognize positive emotions to save my life. Don't know if it's alexithymia or a full-on comorbidity of some other kind.
-Sensory issues, of course.
-I don't know if I can hyperfocus as I haven't had quite the full environment to try it.
-Easily hung up on details. Charming when you're trying to establish a rapport in local culture, but probably the second-most likely thing to get me into trouble in real-world discussions (definitely in the past, not sure about now).
-EXTREMELY literal thinking. This is the one that most likely beats detail hang-ups as a thing that can get me in trouble.
-I'm not sure the full extent of my executive function issues, but I do know I have problems with impulse control and some issues with initiation.

And as for some of my stances on the myths surrounding the condition? (Referring to an article about autism myths on a site called "Autistic Collaboration".)
-There's a myth about lacking empathy - I'm pretty confident I have SOMETHING approaching empathy.
-There's a myth of us being bad at teamwork - I just need a team that can focus and isn't about power struggles. I am DREADFUL at holding my own when it comes to social power struggles.
-There's a myth about introversion - I found out this past year I'm actually extroverted... in small groups or when video games are a factor. I can't give rote speeches in front of huge crowds or participate in a lot of social mingling - I CAN do presentations but haven't had to do that since college.
-There's a myth about us being manipulative - here they're not talking things like "pathed ranting" (a term I'm using to explain situations like fully explaining a bad chain of events for hours on end - I don't know its real term) but specifically "hidden agendas". Other than maybe obsessing over picking my words to get what I want the FIRST time I ask, I've been accused of being TOO direct.

I'll go over more in the other forums and in more details when I can think of it.

I've had rage attacks with family and at work, and now I got fired from one job and my family resents me. Their criticism of discussing me for what was just my desire to contribute and communicate is very unpleasant. I also gradually got burn out where I had no energy to do basic things such as come out of my car or do anything other than go to work.

This channel can provide some answers: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCCZlDC ... V_rUP4V5bg

She actually says CPTSD and Autism seem to overlap!

I think it has been helpful for me to try to sort out my worst struggles... the things that are the hardest for me, and to try to keep them out of my life.
Sudden change is difficult, trying to process anything on tv or videos or in large groups is almost impossible due to my neurology... I get overwhelmed easily.
I have learned not to give my time to things that frustrate me or cause distress, emotional or physical.
It has taken a lot of 'sorting out' over the years.

Eliminating the things that are the hardest, or most distressing first can give you more space to negotiate around other "must do" things. There are ways to work around some of it.
Others can help us learn ways to deal with this stuff. I was not capable of seeing alternatives, or understanding how trapped I was in rigid thinking until an outsider/ life coach/ therapist helped me learn new choices.

Emotional overwhelm causing rages or self injury, injury to property or others can sometimes be helped by occupational therapy or other therapy to help learn to recognize emotions before they overwhelm, and to take steps to help redirect the stress or emotional upset into healthier ways to cope.

This stuff takes a lot of 'emotional homework' but an outsider coach or therapist can provide a lot of understanding from outside our self perceptions. Therapy saved my life and sanity. Finding the right therapist might be difficult, you may go through a few before you find one who understands you and can communicate with you, but taking the time and trouble is worth it in the long run. Might be a tool you can use.

Welcome to WP!