Hi I'm a Mum and need advice

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Hi, Abbey!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope you enjoy posting here!

Welcome to WP!
I'm a mother to 2 boys with ASD, a 5 yo with PDD-NOS, and ADHD, and a 3 yo with severe autism. There's quite a bit in your post that reminds me of my 5 yo when he was your sons age. Do you have any ideas as to what might be setting off your son's behaviors? How much language does he have? My son calmed down a TON when he was about 4 1/2, when his language really started to get better. Before that, I think he was just really frustrated at not being able to communicate. We didn't go out much before then either. We still struggle with going to restaurants,and such, but it's not impossible, like it used to be when he was younger. When he breaks things, is he doing it on purpose, or is he just messing around with it until he breaks it? Sorry for all the questions. I'm just a detailed oriented person. I want to give well informed advice. I'm sorry that you, and son are having such a hard time. I know how exhausting it can be. You can PM anytime.

Hi Abby: First, welcome: This is a wonderful place to start your journey thru the difficult yet wonderful world of raising a child with autism.

I am so sorry for the difficulties you and your family are having. I remember how frustrated I was when my daughter was that age. I thought I would go crazy because I just couldn't figure out how to make her happy. Altho she was never as destructive as your son, she used to scream at the top of her lungs for hours on end, not eat or sleep, was terrified of inanimate objects like her brother's Dr. Martin boots and her carriage.

She did like to cut things with scissors, like her down quilt, so I had to hide everything, but no mom can think of everyt hing all the time. Is your son at all verbal? My daughter wasn't until she was four and that contributed to her frustration.

It sounds like your son has lots of pent up energy, and it's really important that you go somewhere that he can expend it, like the woods, seashore, park. Have you tried the playground? Our kids love slides, jungle gyms, swings. It's important that he has a place to express his frustrations, and not on his little sister. You need to let him know you won't tolerate his hurting you, his sister or anyone else. You need to physically intervene, or else your little daughter is going to develop a complex, and end up angry and aggressive toward others.

You said your older daughter stays in her room so as not to get hurt: Tell her to come out, that you won't let him hurt her either. It sounds like you are afraid to discipline him because he's not a typical child. No child should be allowed to destroy property on a regular basis. He may not be verbal, but he can understand. He won't like it, but what child does. It's your responsibility to keep you children safe, even from each other.

I can't believe your doctor hasn't suggested some kind of treatment for him. If he is this destructive now, what will he be like in 5 or 10 years? Please don't think I am blaming you, I 'm not being critical, I really wish I could help you and that I had an answer. It's just that I never heard of such chronic anger issues from an AS child. I'd like to hear from mothers of boys: Girls are easier until puberty, then POW!!

I really hope that other moms write in and have some tangible strategies for you.

Feel free to vent....and know you are not alone.

AM

Hi Abbey!! !! !! !! !! !! !!