Next in line to declare a total loss

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Hi, it's me, A_minor.

My introduction... No doubt you’ve heard it all before and/or been through it yourself in some way. I’ll try 'n keep it short-ish.

Some five years ago, at the age of 49 working in IT, I experienced my umpteenth burnout. They were always bad but this was the end boss. Six months later I was diagnosed with ASD, ADD, Avoidant Personality Disorder and Dysthymia. ASD is a family thing and I’d been suspecting it for years already. Nevertheless confirmation shook me badly, I’m still not over it although it obviously explained a lot. Had psychoeducation and now take dex for my ADD.

I’ve always lived a withdrawn and solitary life (still am) and not taken care of myself or my home. I was lucky to receive help in the form of a company cleaning out my house and making it habitable again (to the delight of my neighbours also), and someone visiting me weekly for a year and a half to keep an eye on me.

At 54 years old I suspect I’ll never get back to work again, too much was damaged during the latest burnout and depression. I’m ok with that, I’m on max benefit which is more than enough, especially for a man living alone with a low mortgage.

Since I’ve never managed to steal so much as a kiss from a girl I gave up the idea of ever finding a partner years ago, and I’m ok with that also.

I’m slowly starting to pull myself together again, listening to lots of music, and two years ago I started taking classical piano lessons from a great Russian lady. I also play bass and guitar. I’m into photography and art (drawing and painting), so maybe I’ll post some pics every now and again.

Greetz from the Netherlands!

Hello. Welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi. That sounds like a lot to deal with and you seem to be dealing with it pretty well. You've gotten past the "why me?" and on to making what you can of it. You inspired me to think of that. I still "why me" sometimes about my problems. Maybe I can stop.

I'd be interested in seeing your art. Did you ever try creative writing?

Thanks all.

It is a lot to deal with. I've spent the last five years or so playing the "Why me" game, but all it is is talking yourself down and making things worse. It is the opposite of constructive.
I've decided to play the "F*ck it, I'm gonna just be me" game from now on, now that I have a better understanding of who me is.
It is what it is. We're not the youngest of people anymore, we should try and make the best of what we have left ahead of us.

As soon as I've earned the right to post pics (after an x amount of posts, not sure how many) I'll post some art/photography.
I've tried my hand at poetry, but it usually ends up as negative nonsense. Writing poetry in english is a different thing altogether. Wrote this recently after deciding to end the doom and gloom, not sure if it makes sense:

I know now what it is, what might
lift the lid, if self inflicted
off long awaited, lifting light
in which the self convicted
may rise in maiden flight

Welcome to WP! I hope you find it a nice excuse to (virtually) get out of your home more often.

I like that poetry. Nice sound. It's deep and will probably take a few readings to really get it, if one ever really gets poetry, if that's even the point of it.

Hi and a very warm welcome to you A_minor .

we are all now waiting for your photos and videos of you playing piano ! !!

Not any time soon I'm afraid.

Did post a self portait though. No worries, I look very different these days.

You sound a lot like me!

To the outside world I may seem somewhat successful but I am pretty solitary and withdrawn.

The cleaning part is so funny! When I am deep into my latest obsession, I forget about annoying tasks like cleaning my place.

Luckily I have found a passion ideally suited to me in which I can make a healthy passive income without needing to interact with others.

In terms of meltdowns, I used to think they were normal and justified. I have softened a lot as I've grown older but I still ain't no patsy.

welcome

It has a rhythm, I could almost hear it being put to music. I don't "understand" it but I like it. I like the flow of words / rhythm it has. Also there's an image of a bird rising above storm clouds after a struggle or something.

(details, details, details. Don't we all love them?)