Hello...new here

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I'm newly diagnosed, and as much as I don't like to admit it, have been feeling all the more alienated by the diagnosis (Oh, I'm not good with introductions, by the way). After having read a few threads here, I have to say that I feel somewhat relieved to know that other people are at least a bit like me.

I'm a 20 year old undergrad in Boston, majoring in linguistics, continually trying to figure out how people work, and now trying to deal with an unexpected...bump in the road?

I never thought that I could have AS, principally because I had only heard of it when I was diagnosed. My mom says that she noticed--and still does--a number of what she called "autistic tendencies," but never thought those could be indicative of a spectrum disorder (I'm still learning the vocab here) because I wasn't severely disabled, in the literal sense of the term...

I always felt different, but thought I was just shy, or rude, or, upon delving into philosophy, a solipsist. For as long as I can remember I've had the most horrible time with eye contact; most of the time I simply turn away from people, or if it seems like it might be necessary, just dart my eyes back and forth between theirs and something behind them. Conversations go ok if the topic is one of my interests--especially meteorology and/or linguistics--but I can't do small talk at all. Honestly though, I've never understood why things like lame movies and gossip pass for conversation...why's it ok to talk for an hour about Brad Pitt, but not ok to talk about how the Fujiwara effect affects two tropical cyclones in close proximity?

It's kind of strange that I'm majoring in linguistics, considering the issues I have with language. Usually when people say something like "bite the bullet" or "fly by the seat of your pants," I have to ask them to rephrase. I speak English 'relatively' fluently (given the last sentence,) and speak French and German pretty fluently, too. Is this starting to sound arrogant? I can't explain how I learn them; I took one semester of French and was reading Victor Hugo by the end of the term. I have pretty strong reading knowledge of most of the Germanic languages, some of the Romance and Slavic languages, and can speak Mandarin well enough (though the tones! I'm quite monotone, so it's hard to use four different ones). I just kind of pick them up--too bad body language isn't so natural.

The hardest part of AS for me has been feeling left out of the world. Even though I sometimes doubt it, I know that other people think and feel and such, and I honestly want to know how they think and feel, but it's like they use some kind of secret code--like they say things without saying anything--that I can't decrypt. I ask my friends constantly "how are you?", simply because I can never tell by looking at them or speaking to them how they're doing. I've been accused of being emotionless because of that inability.

With what cursory knowledge I have of the disorder, I'm not sure that I see any positives about it. I kind of like being the guy people go to when they need to know some random fact or information, and the whole being content while alone thing is a plus. I suppose that I just need to find for myself what this all means to me. Funny how it takes one so many years to build up a small but meaningful understanding of one's self, but that it takes only an instant, and two words to have that understanding suddenly appear so frail and questionable.

I just rambled a lot--I didn't sleep much last night, so I'm a bit spacier than usual. Kind of an odd (in a good way) introduction, but hey, I suppose it just reflects me. Hopefully I'll get to know some people here, and come to a better understanding of what AS is and what it means.

Oh yeah, my name is Matthew. Nice to meet you.

Same here...I only heard of AS when I was supected of having it! After being diagnosed I ignored the idea and went on with my life. It was only in later life (i was diagnosed at 13, 22 now) that I started reading about it, contacting other aspies and atarting to accept myself for who I was!



I am jealous! I lived in France and French speaking Africa (Ivory Coast) as a child, but have forgotten most of the language. I have only recently started trying to re-learn French. I'm obviously not as good with languages as you!



hear hear! It's often hard to see the bright side, and not just spend your time bitter and angry at the unfairness of it all. Just look at some of my early posts to this site!
But I guess we have to be happy with the way we are, and the fact that we can belong to communities like this.

Welcome to Matthew Ilikestuff!

I'm horrid at introductions myself; I also hated the idea of having AS until I saw how cool some people with it can really be. Then, I kind of warmed to the idea.



Hey! Another person from Massachusetts!



I was described once as the most (emotionally) severely disabled people one of my social workers had come across. Now, I often get "You don't act like you have AS." I'm not saying all difficulties can be overcome, but if you want to integrate yourself, it is possible for some people. What I mean by this is: You probably can learn to "act more normal" if you want to. This is not an admonition, it's hard to do, but rather an attempt to tell you that if the idea of having AS traits scares you, it's not completely unheard of to lessen them. Blah. I can't make that not sound preachy but i was aiming for comforting (obviously, I still have issues with communicating).



You give me hope. I have to take French next semester and am pretty intimidated by it, because I mishear words so often. It's like I'm perprtually generating material for http://www.kissthisguy.com.

Last edited by Serissa on 13 Jul 2005, 1:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Hi Matthew. I live about 45 minutes away from Boston, in Southern NH.

I am not diagnosed AS, but suspect I have it, and I'm wondering, what prompted you to go for a diagnosis if you had never heard of it? Were you seeing a doctor at the time or something?

I know how you feel. Unless someone is speaking very specifically and clearly, I do not understand the meaning, and I tend to miss a lot. I can tell when someone is feeling a negative emotion, but I can't differentiate tired from upset or sad, so I am often asking people "Are you ok?" Atleast asking them lets them know you are concerned, right?

Welcome Matthew. I have not been formally diagnosed, and at this point (age 41) I think I have "outgrown" most of the obvious symptoms. So most people perceive me as pretty "normal" unless they know me really well (of course there's only about 10 people on Earth who fall into that category, and my wife and kids account for 6 of those). For me, just learning about AS and seeing my own experiences and feelings described was a huge relief. Knowing that there is a name for the way your experience the world, and that you're not alone, can be very comforting.

Personally I see lots of positives to being who I am. I also have a gift for language; I started French halfway through 11th grade, covered the second year on my own over the summer and was reading Camus in the fall. I also covered about 2 years of high school German my senior year (in addition to my 3rd year French class). Then I took a semester of Russian, 2 semesters of Spanish, some more French, and a semester of Latin in college while I was getting my engineering degree. I have been trying my hand at Mandarin on my own recently because I have been traveling to Asia for my job. I've also always been very gifted in music. And I think that I am a very sensitive, caring, and emotinally intense person; I just have a very hard time getting those things across to anyone else. But I wouldn't give up my intellectual gifts (even with all the emotional / social disadvantages), or my emotional sesitivity for anything. I like who I am - I just wish that anyone else understood me.

I know exactly what you mean about the secret code that people use, and about small talk. My wife has really tried to explain to me that when you first meet people you HAVE to engage in small talk instead of meaningful conversation because otherwise you scare them away. And for the life of me I still can't imagine how so many people can be so shallow as to prefer small talk over real communication. And of course when I do talk about things that I think are interesting, and I honestly believe that the other person is interested in the conversation (because I am carefully observing their eye contact with me, and the way they nod their head, and their responses to what I am saying) it always comes as a shock to me later when my wife tells me that I was boring them to tears and embarrasing her. And this is where the secret code thing comes into play. Apparently it was OBVIOUS that I was boring them to death, and even though I was really trying to be sensitive, I totally missed the message (again). Does this sound familiar?

So make yourself at home here. It's nice to be able to talk without feeling judged or criticized.

I'm resisting the temptation for autobiography time, so the short of it is that I originally sought help for social problems and building academic problems (not doing work, turning in work I thought was more important that the actual assignments...) and a somewhat random conversation with my mom one evening. My mom's sister has a friend whose daughter is autistic (non-asperger's), so mom's sister was telling her about the successes the daughter was having, and abruptly asked my mom if she had ever had me checked for autism (mom's sister cited my very obvious eye contact issues and tendency to be oblivious to other people). So I had heard of autism, but not Asperger's--I think that I've read that it was only recently accepted in the DSM.

BrianR--I know exactly what you mean. I'm lucky to have a friend here whom I can ask about these social things, and he says the same thing; that small talk is essential. He's good about letting me know gently when I'm off on a subject that people have grown tired of hearing about, of course, like you, I just assume that it's interesting to others, too. Heh, I was at a bookstore a while ago, and one of the sales people started talking to me about a book I was looking through. My friend later tells me that the sales person was actually hitting on me, and that the business card given to me "in case of book-related questions" was in reality an attempt to get me to call. Friend said that the hitting-on-ness was so blatant that a few people had gathered to watch (creepy), but I just thought it was attentive service.

Serissa--I thought about it some today, and in a way, I kind of like seeing the world from a sort of detached perspective--I feel like it gives me the chance, when I take it, to see an issue or problem or concept from all possible directions. My question is, how do you keep that kind of detachment without making others feel like they aren't cared about? I mishear things a lot too, and what I end up hearing is generally either completely unrelated to what's actually said, or really dirty/sexual/off-color. Is that AS related, do you think? French is great! There's something about it that lends itself very well to thinking, you could say something very mundane in French but it would still have a tint of philosophy or such. Personally, I think the actual sounds are kind of gross, but it's fun.

tom, in what part of France did you live? I'd love to visit the country someday, but that would require me getting over my fear of flying--another issue entirely.

Thank you, everyone for your responses. It's a good feeling to know that my little world is not completely alien to the rest of the world. Have a good day/night/whatever your time zone's doing.

Hi, Matthew. Welcome!

So, you are majoring in linguistics. Well, this is interesting. Where I live, in New York, it is a requirement to take a foreign language in high school. Well, I passed the Proficiency Exam in Spanish, and now I don't have to take it anymore. My Spanish teacher in 8th grade was a real character. Believe it or not, she was British. The good students didn't like her. The very bad students loved her. I knew someone who called her "the best teacher in the world," but he wasn't exactly a good student himself.

I can see why you think it is strange being a major in linguistics. If you have trouble interacting with people in the English language, then I don't know what makes you think you have trouble interacting with people in other languages.

I'm glad you realized you could possibly have AS. Regardless of if you do, I give you a warm welcome, and I hope to see you on this site more often soon.

First of all, welcome! I'm Cait, and I'm also a 20-year-old undergrad (except I'm studying political science). It was a big relief for me to find other people like me - Up until about a year and a half ago, I didn't fit in anywhere.



I've often asked similar questions...

Anyway, I have to run to class. Ciao!

OMG, this sounds so painfully familiar. My wife and I met in high school, so we knew a lot of the same people. Recently I was reminiscing about the good and bad experiences of high school and expressed my frustration about all the girls that I really liked but just couldn't ever seem to start a relationship with. My wife gave me that all-too-familiar confused stare and said "Lots of girls liked you. You were actually quite popular". What? Where was I when this was happening? All I remember is girls that I thought were really cool that I wanted to get to know who would talk to me for a while and then suddenly ignore me (sometimes walking off in mid-conversation). There was one girl who I had started sitting with at lunch who actually turned to me one day and said "Why do you keep sitting at my table?" I thought that was a pretty clear show of dis-interest. Of course I had taken the step of joining her for lunch because in the music theory class that we had together she would often "forget" her textbook and then sit by me and blatantly lean up against me as she looked over at my book. A few months later I went on a double date where she was with a friend of mine and I was with someone else, and she ignored her date and talked to me the whole time. But she still ignored me at school (the music theory book forgetting had stopped abruptly about the time she had questioned my choice of lunch venue). Then years later (just after I got married) I ran into her one day and she acted like we had been best friends since childhood and she was SO thrilled to see me again. And of course there were similar experiences with a few other girls.

To this day I have no idea which girls in which situations my wife was talking about, because my memories of high school still tell me that girls thought I was a nice guy (especially when they wanted help with homework) but almost nobody was particularly interested in me beyond that. There was one other girl (besides my wife) who took a VERY obvious interest in me for a while, but my wife managed to win that "battle" by graduation and claim me as her own. I'd like to think that I've made some progress in the last 20 years, but now that I think about it I might still be just as clueless if I were put back in those same situations today.

What's really sad is the couple of times in my life when guys have hit on me, they just came right out and told me what they had in mind. If I were interested in guys it might actually make things easier.

Hello and GROAAAAAR
Your official Groar, welcome.