Wait, I'm supposed to not fit in?

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My entire life I've had that feeling that I don't quite fit in or match other humans, but shrugged it off as something everyone felt. Growing up in the military and moving every 2 years didn't help either, hard to belong when you never have time to let roots grow. Even as an adult, I've managed to keep on the move so the noise of constant social churn made it hard to figure out something might actually be wrong with me. Autism always stood out to me as a label I related to, but when I googled it I always came to the conclusion that since I'm empathetic and read a lot of fiction it must not be what I have. After drifting in and out of a few counselors for vague feelings of anxiety and depression, a few weeks ago something sparked in me that I should look up autism again and dig deeper.

Took the aspie quiz and scored 127/200 ND and 96/200 NT, which made sense. I've always been weird. Then I started consuming as many stories of adult diagnoses as I could. The one that broke me was a woman 10 years older than me who does makeup tutorials in another country. Despite the vast demographic difference between us, the script she read could've been from my life. I didn't know it wasn't normal for the buzzing of the HVAC unit in an otherwise silent apartment to make you want to crawl the walls. Or that most people don't watch movies to learn how to navigate social situations, or spend a huge amount of brain power thinking about how strangers perceive them. With this knowledge, I retook the aspie quiz and then every other quiz on Dr. Englebrecht's website. This time, 154/200 ND and 65/200 NT. 42/50 on the AQ. 149/227 on the RAADS-R.

Suddenly a bunch of stuff just makes sense now. Social issues that caused me a lot of angst no longer seem like a big deal, because there's an explanation now. I think it also affects most of the natural born members of my family, so my parents never thought to get me checked because my behaviors were normal to them. Guess the next step is to look into a professional diagnosis, which I'm not looking forward to. Everything around me is focused on kids, and I don't see it going well if my adult self tries to get diagnosed. Might need to travel or something, and the stress attached to that will suck.

Welcome to WP! I'm afraid I came across one of your posts elsewhere first. What I said there is most of what I'd probably say here.

Except to mention that:

(1) I was a Navy brat for two whole weeks before my Father was discharged.
(1)_(I got my navel in the Philadelphia Naval Hospital!)

(2) My bride and I are both Air Force veterans!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

The Navy Brat life was quite a life to live. Full of certain specific advantages and disadvantages.
I'm pretty sure most lifestyles have their own sets of specific advantages and disadvantages.

That is part of why my favorite weather is the kind where the machinery can be turned off and the windows opened.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

And yes, I think sensory issues are pretty specific to the autism spectrum. Myself, I can become really majorly irritated by a smoke detector with a chirping battery.

As far as getting an official diagnosis by a PhD psychologist, unless you’re in college trying to tap into resources and reasonable accommodations for a person with a disability, there’s not a whole lot of upside. At least here in the United States. And these days, I’m thinking even the UK is in reality not that far ahead of us.

I’m self-diagnosed, and I’m at peace with that. But then, I’m quite a bit older than you at age 59.

what a relief to learn about my autism diagnosis, suddenly everything began to make sense. Diagnosed 2 years ago and still having those moments of discovery. "aha" it was autism working behind the scenes and nobody knew
Welcome!

Sensory issues are not unique to autism. I've seen estimates that 10 to 20 percent of the population are "highly sensitive people," a category distinct from though overlapping with autism.

But sensory issues are indeed a part of the DSM diagnostic criteria for ASD.

That's certainly a common feeling here! Welcome to Wrong Planet!


I hope you've noticed by now that movies are far from being a completely reliable guide to social situations.

For example, "love at first sight" is common in movies, but doesn't often work out well in real life. The reason why it's common in movies is because most movies are only an hour to two hours long, hence there just isn't anywhere near enough time to show a relationship develop in any reasonable way.


If you'd like us to help you find one, please let us know approximately where you live. Don't be specific enough to endanger your privacy, but please at least let us know what country you live in, and, if it's a large country, your state/province/region and/or nearest major metro area.

I'm in the southeast US. My nearest major metro areas are New Orleans, Mobile, and Birmingham. I think Birmingham would have the best odds given it contains a university with a highly reputable medical program but it would mean staying there overnight for however long it takes.

I used this to find a Psychologist to do my assessment:

National Register of Health Service Psychologists "Find a Psychologist"
There was one complication, though. I don't think Adult Autism Assessments are as commonly used as some of their other services so I didn't see it mentioned on the web pages for any of the Psychologists in my area. I made a list of Psychologists geographically convenient for me who took patients as old as me and who worked with Autism. Then I contacted them to see if they'd do an Adult Autism Assessment.

I got a winner at the first practice I contacted, though even the person who answered the phone didn't know if they did that kind of assessment. Fortunately she was conscientious enough to check for me.

And if the process I went through is any indication then you should not be nervous about the assessment process. Usually it is a child being assessed and the process reflects that. It was kind of fun!

My bride was also involved and we relayed a few questions to my still-living Dad.

Because it's how I am I had collected a bunch of records beforehand to give to the Psychologist: report cards, standardized test results, college admission test results, college transcripts, MBTI test results, and a resume. And a copy of a journal my Mom kept of my first year. The journal is the only thing I know the Psychologist studied. The other stuff might have been the reason she offered to bypass an IQ test. And they earned an observation in her report that I "was observed to be an organized individual, as he presented the examiner with copious amounts of documentation and records, to include a detailed index." (That last bit was wrong, though. It was not an Index. It was a Table of Contents!)

P.S. My insurance company was instantly willing to help but, it turns out, didn't know enough to help. (They thought I needed someone with ABA credentials to do the assessment—and that's wrong!) But if you follow their process on referrals and such, and go with in-network providers you might save some money.

I agree with this statement.

However, I might question whether sensory issues are as high as 20% for the general population.

Notice that this is a highly competent statement in a school-like way. They’re casually wrong in that it’s a table of contents, not an index. More seriously, the only thing you’re sure they have read is the journal your Mom kept of your first year.

With me, I tend to procrastinate, perfectionize, and then do a pretty good job. I do a better job if I start early, lower my damn standards, and do it in stages.

Meaning, they could make a similar statement about me, which would only sometimes be true. Anyway, it seems a pretty superficial process, even if done by professionals. And why are they obsessing on IQ? Especially since Howard Gardner’s theory of “multiple intelligences” is likely to be true, and he came up with this in the early 1980s, for crying out loud!

I’m glad you mentioned MBTI (Myers-Briggs). I’m probably 90% a believer in this.

The Autism Society of Alabama and/or the Autism Society of Greater New Orleans might be able to refer you to someplace that does adult autism evaluations.

The assessment did not rely on my records. The Psychologist spent time talking to both my bride and me, we both took some standard questionnaires, we were give questions to ask my Dad and relayed his answers back, and the Psychologist took me through some "exercises" to assess how I responded.

I think an IQ test would be used to assess level of intellectual disability, if any. In my case I was 64 years old, had a good academic and professional record, and was a member of Mensa...hence, for the purposes of the Autism Assessment, there was nothing to be gained with an IQ test.

All the records I provided...on my own initiative...were probably not too useful other than: I didn't need an IQ test, providing some confirmation of the diagnosis, and amusing the Psychologist. However, my Dad's responses likely provided confirmation I had Autistic traits even in childhood. And Mom's journal, I'm guessing, was interesting because it showed my very early development (for instance, that I did not have delayed language development).

I don't think all of the records I provided were essential. They probable provided extra support for the diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild) and perhaps enable the additional note that I satisfied the criteria previously associated with Asperger's Syndrome (which, I think, specifies no delay in early language development).

Thank you for explaining this. Yes, this does sound like a more reasonable process.

And since most candidates are children parts of the assessment were clearly geared for children. It was kind of fun.