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Hello everyone. I’ll try to keep this short . I was diagnosed as an adult about two years ago. I’ve had a lot of different “labels” including bipolar, borderline personality d/o, and histrionic personality all before the age of 15. I think my story is like a lot of other people who were given a dx late in life.

Four years ago I was diagnosed with ADHD, which went a long way in explaining certain things, but it didn't answer everything. Two years ago I fought tooth and nail to get tested for ASD. I will never forget the psych who tested me telling me that most people won’t believe me or understand. He was right.

Like a lot of us- especially women, I am REALLY good at masking and mirroring. People don’t know how much I struggle behind the scenes. They don't know that I learned how to present emotions from watching movies/shows, which is why they can come off as "theatrical." They don’t know how hard it is for me to do things like interact, shower, eat well/cook, exercise, pay bills, attend appointments, clean, etc. Or how often I fail at those things.

I feel like I’m constantly trying to hold things together and am so tired of being told “everyone deals with that.” Especially because I hold back a lot of my behaviors and quirks. If everyone deals with it, why am I the one who can’t keep up? Why am I the one who can’t keep their life together? Why am I the one with a million acquaintances but no friends?

Either I’m neurodivergent, or I’m just broken. It’s like people think I’m trying to play the victim. Maybe I am, I don’t know. I am also still struggling with a lot of anger at not being diagnosed younger. I’m angry that I didn’t get correct therapy or life skill support. I’m angry at the way I was left to internalize everything. I'm angry at what my life could have been/could be. The worst part is I can’t really place that anger anywhere. My parents did the best they could to get me help- and the research for girls with Autism/ADHD just wasn’t there yet.

Anyway. I just really am hoping for a community of people who get the struggles and the strengths that come with being so called “high-functioning.”

I am really sorry about the length of this. Its so hard not to just pour out everything. Thanks to anyone who takes the time to read this!

First off. Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I think they named this site Wrong Planet because most of us think we are living in a strange planet where we don't quite belong.

I like to refer to my uniqueness by calling myself an Aspie, which is short for Asperger's Syndrome. It makes me somewhat unique. In general the way Asperger's impacts males can be fairly different than females. For most males, we encounter the age of around 10-12 and our whole world comes to an end. Many males are physically attacked and mentally attacked by our peers and life becomes brutal. Female Aspies learn to hide their differences. This ability to hide begins to break apart a little latter, perhaps around the age of late teens or early 20s and their lives begin to fall apart.

Is there a solution? I do not know for certain. I always took the approach to be myself. I have lived my entire life as ME. I am 73 years old and I am happy. But having said that, I have made one slight change. I am still like a young boy inside, a very, very, very smart young boy. I have found out that if I allowed myself to grow a mustache that everyone would automatically believe that I was an adult without even questioning me. I found that it is so much easier to make adults believe they are dealing with another adult rather than with a very intelligent child.

Now I do not claim to be a average male Aspie, maybe I am unique. But I have lived a good life.

Vanilla_bean, Welcome to WP! I think you can find some folk here that you can share thoughts with...and they will understand.

Hi Jimmy_m, thanks for your welcome and your wisdom . I can’t speak to the average experience of men or women, but it was more akin to your thoughts what boys typically experience. I was bullied from first or second grade on up, both physically and mentally. I had a lot of behavior problems/social difficulties/anger/meltdowns. It was pretty obvious something was going on. But for whatever reason, Autism/Asperger's was never considered. Looking back now it really seems obvious. As I got older I learned to mask better, but that only helped so much.

I don’t know if I’d want a solution, and I love your approach. It's definitely inspiring to hear that! I don't mean to come off all doom and gloom. I have a lot of good in my life and I'm very, very fortunate! I’m working on letting myself be myself. Which is why it’s nice to find a place of people with similar experiences who are also able to be themselves .



Thank you! I hope so . And not just to vent about my experience- but also just to find some cool people to talk with in general!

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

welcome!

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I am also very good at masking and coping and then breaking down, usually inside. I seem pretty successful in a lot of ways, but also never reached my potential (as seen by others.) I hope you find some like-minded people here.

Welcome to WP!