welcome, glad you are with us! Diagnosis as an adult gives us a different perspective to understand our history, our thoughts and beliefs and to see everything that we thought we knew and understood from a different point of view. It was such a relief to understand how autism had worked all my life in the background without anybody suspecting, let alone understanding. Autism explained almost every "why" question of my past. Give yourself time to really take a close look at the past and cut yourself some slack, do good self care while you sort the past and gain self understanding. I am still having "aha" moments of understanding how autism has worked in me all these years without ever knowing. Lots of good folks here with lots of experience living with autism and good insights and ideas. stick around. I think you will enjoy it!