Hello, I'm Kira and I am Autistic, I have Asperger's and this sounds so weird and cliche, because I don't know how to introduce myself, I basically suck at introductions and am super self-conscious about that, because I'd really like to sound fun and mysterious and exciting, instead I end up sounding boring and lame, but whatever lol. I always felt different and like I didn't fit into this world or society, especially since I grew up in one culture/country for the first 10 years of my life. Then, I moved to America. When I was a child I did make friends but to be perfectly honest, looking back I only had one childhood friend that I can honestly say was my bff. Mostly because we lived in the same apartment building in Minsk, which is where I grew up, well the first 10 years of my life. She was like a neighborhood friend that I played with and we shared a lot. I do realize that I treated her poorly in some ways when she came to visit me here in the States, I still feel guilty about that. I bit her and slapped her, I'm not completely sure anymore but I will always, always regret doing that because I was 14 years old and I should have known better. But growing up she was definitely one real true female best friend I had. When I lived in Minsk, I wasn't diagnosed with Asperger's or I didn't know I was Autistic but I always knew I was different and didn't fit in. When I moved to America things started to change and not in a positive way. I don't want to bore anyone with excrutiating details, but it was hard, really hard. I was teased for having a "British accent" well only because when I came to America that's the accent I had. I started taking English lessons when I was a small child and a bit in school but the English wasn't your American English, so yeah I spoke diferently whe I came to America. I did finally develop an American accent pretty quickly. But back to being made fun of, teased and bullied that all happened to me just maybe not in severe form. I will say that, looking back it was only a few girls that I can think of who bullied me and made me cry. One was a girl, who was in my grade, 5th grade at that time, she she basically said I called her mom a b, which I never did considering it was only 3 months that I arrived in America and I still didn't know English that perfectly, and I didn't know what the word b was in English too well. Picture coming to America, knowing a small amount of British English and not really speaking American English and I'm accused by a girl of calling her mom a b. I remember crying so much and not wanting to go to school and finishing 5th grade. I was told to go back to where I came from. I remember that. I remember not being accepted by American kids immediately after arriving in good ole USA. But I'm not gonna say that Russian kids accepted me more when I lived in Minsk, because they didn't either. But I will say it was a whole different feeling. In middle school, I didn't make any particular friends either, always feeling odd, different weird, unnaceptable. I went to 2 different middle schools. I had a nervous laughter, I remember being lonely, alone and misunderstood. I did socialize with latina girls because I started watching telenovelas (Spanish soap operas) and learned Spanish by watching them
So latino/hispanic community did somewhat "accept" me because I learned Spanish. I guess they were intrigued by a white girl who spoke Spanish. Idk. I am good with languages I will admit. I speak English, my native language is Russian and I speak Spanish, so I'm kind of trilingual, even though I'm a horrible interpreter. I enjoy learning languages, different cultures, etc. So back to white American kids not accepting me in middle school, as for Black girls/community I got teased by them too. Basically white kids ignored me, black kids teased me and made fun of me, hispanic somewhat accepted a little. I don't want to go into too much detail but high school sucked because I felt like an outsider, different, didn't fit in, bla bla bla. I didn't create meaningful or lasting friendships with American kids, so the only true friends and significant friends I have are Russian and the 2 people that I'm thinking of were present my entire life. I do have quite a few work acquaintances. But anyway, I did graduate high school and never went to prom, went to community college, don't drive, had a marriage experience, divorced, studied Early Childhood Education switched to Medical Coding, didn't get a degree. Still don't drive. I'm insecure, low self-esteem, lonely, no true friends, not the most confident person yet trying to work on myself, on medications, bla bla bla. Got diagnosed with Asperger's when I was a teen I think I can't remember exactly when but I was younger. Oh yeah and I'm confused about my mental/emotional age. I look/act younger. I'm average-looking but there's a picture of me where I think I look so gorgeous and I wanna look like that again. I love beauty, and beautiful things, Astrology and I'm a curious person. Looking attractive is something I'm working on because I'm on a weightloss journey right now, trying to better myself. I'll show a pic that I was talking about in later. OKay enough for right now, people are gonna get bored. Thanks to anyone who will read this.
01 May 2022, 11:31 am
