The Confusion Is Real or Hello I'm Autistic Apparently

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Hi everyone,

I'm kind of crash landing here after an extremely long journey. I'm in my 40s, and I've taken a 25 year trip through the mental health system, mainly treated with medication (5 types so far, none of which have been any help) for ongoing depression and anxiety, but also done counselling, CBT therapy, several work groups, EUPD/BPD assessments, and psychodynamic therapy, because life is indeed a rich tapestry of weird avenues.

I started looking into getting assessed a couple of years ago, because it was one of the very few roads I've been down trying to work out what the hell is up with my brain, but waiting lists are such in the UK that it took until now to get one. So, 1 x GP, 8 x questionnaires, and 2 x specialists later, I have a formal diagnosis of ASD. Not a particularly severe one, as the final specialist explained, but enough boxes were ticked to make the diagnosis. Did a light go on when I go it? Not exactly, but I was surprised by how much matched up.

For example, I definitely mask - copying people who seemed socially adept was kind of natural response to being unpopular as a kid. I don't have trouble with recognising body lanuage, even if the general motives of people are a mystery to me. Social anxiety is pretty high, I'm bad with sudden change, and have issues with procrastination and inability to focus. I've no interest in collecting or statistics, though I do have a small number of interests and no hobbies outside those. I love talking about 'em. I've real sensitivity to sound (most indoor venues housing crowds sound like white noise to me), some texture issues with food I didn't really pick up on (those bloody yoghurts with fruit in, and orange juice wih pulp), and an odd urge since childhood to 'match up' left and right (for example, stepping on a pavement crack with the left foot means I need to do the same with the right foot). It's a big old soup of stuff.

While my ASD assessment request worked its way through the system (I'd forgotten about it by this point), I made a decision to taper off my AD medication of the time, venlafaxine. After having been on it for 7 years, it seemed to me a good idea to strip things back, and check in on how I was doing without medication in my system. I took advice from my GP on tapering, but it turned out to be too quick, and I went on a terrifying ride through AD withdrawal, and capped it off with an even worse reinstatement of the medication a few months in. It's not hyperbole to say the experience has made my life completely grind to a shuddering halt over the last 18 months, and it's far from over.

So yeah, I'm here, just kind of exhausted, not knowing what to make of it all. But...hello!

Hello Mr Glide..good to have you aboard ….Sorry your trip to this point took so long .. but completely understand your journey. Welcome btw.
As I have also been on a similar one, uhm..? Sounds kinda identical in many aspects .. did not manage a diagnosis until my late 40s . And had to go private , out of pocket. The mental health people did not think of it even after over
20 yrs of mental health professionals. They did not click to it . And if I had been aware there was a spectrum of Autism, I might have been so much better off so much earlier . But medical was a pain access here for me.
And even then no one caught it ..in spite of some very obvious symptoms I had that had been manifesting as a
Child. Even in spite of my little sister being non verbal Autie diagnosis from very very early .
Am quite sure if the knowledge base about autism was out there when I was little my parents would have caught on.
Very weird..As years past and my mom dealt with my sisters diagnosis. She learned about it . But not until a few years before she passed,She had told me , I should see a doctor . But did not come right out and say it . But it was part of a conversation concerning mental health. And had grown up with some rather personally violent siblings, so my life had been learned to be one of survival and avoiding violence. But did manage several and various jobs some shorter term some lasted years. Hope you find some of the forums here to your liking . Site has busy times occasionally and slow as well . Best wishes with your ongoing journey and you make the most of it.

Welcome to WP...and the Spectrum!

I'm also at the mild end of the Spectrum and hope you find the discovery enlightening. I know I was delighted by my diagnosis because it explained so much!

Hi and welcome! I just signed up here myself a few days ago.

I've been on a similar journey too. Struggled with my "mental health" all my adult life, and before really. Been through the NHS mental health system, including most of the therapies and other things you mentioned. Nothing ever helped. Then when I was almost 29, I came across a youtube video of a guy talking about his autism and adhd, explaining what they were and how they affected his life and it was very eye opening for me. I knew right away I had adhd, and I identified with some of the things he was saying about autism too, so I started to learn as much as I could. And I've never really stopped. Its really taken me until the last maybe 6 months to finally figure out and be confident in identifying myself as autistic. I'm almost 32 now. I don't really question it now, but despite talking to NHS doctors and psychiatrists since 2019, I've had no luck getting any assessments, let alone official diagnosis. But getting to finally build an authentic and accurate understanding of myself for the first time in my life has been utterly liberating and I'd never ever go back.

I'm glad you've made it here. I hope you find it helpful in some way and that you'll find yourself not quite so exhausted in time.

Willkommen

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I hope you can overcome the role that prescription drugs have placed on your body. It took me over 70 years to figure out what makes me different. (In my case it was due to a severe brain injury when I was around 3 years old.) So at least now I know.

Uhm…. Acceptance of a immediate diagnosis may still be hard for you to accept . It sounds like, Autism can appear as a stigma to some folks . Even those whom might be newly diagnosed.. But there can be benefits for some persons , I think . In Understanding , identifying strengths and weaknesses. And you very possibly inadvertently used some of those in making the progress in your life, up to now . .? Grasping of a situation can make living with it better for a
Individual on occasion.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to WP!

Welcome! I hope you find WP useful!

welcome, learning our diagnosis can give us new insights and self understanding but it generally a long lot of work to sort out our histories and traumas, etc and to see them all in this new perspective. Take your time and do lots of self care. Glad you are with us. One of the best things about finding out about my autism was to also find out I am not alone, that there others who understand and who will indentify with many of my experiences, and who have insights and experience enough to sometimes be very helpful.