A 'NT' searching for answers.

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Hello everyone!

It's my first post on this website, so I thought I would share a bit about myself before asking for anything.

My name is Alex, I'm 18 y.o, and I was diagnosed with dyscalculia around four years ago, but I'm not sure if I can call myself neurodivergent (curious to know what your opinions on the matter are)

I recently got my diploma in Computer Science; With a pretty nice grade, too!
And I got my first job as a software developer, I'm also currently getting my driver's licence (I live in Italy, so we have to wait until we are 18+ to do that, here.).

So in other words, my life couldn't be going any better; Except for one thing....

My little brother is Autistic, nothing wrong with that, of course, my parents love him more than anything could be loved in the world, and they have supported him whenever he needed help.

Ever since we got his diagnosis, I have found myself searching on the internet for resources that could help my parents, and while doing that I stumbled across the stories of autistic adults who got a diagnosis late in life.

And I have found many similarities, between my life, and theirs.

At around 13 y.o., I was diagnosed with dyscalculia, and I started getting the help I required.
But I always felt that there had to be something more, so recently I started researching, and I have found that I exhibit many of the symptoms of Autism, for example:

• When I was a kid, I struggled a lot with food, and to this day I absolutely cannot tolerate certain textures and flavours.
• I feel the need to be always covered in extra layers of clothing even during the hottest months of summer...
• I never look people in the eyes during conversation.
• I can't do small-talk (but I really like talking about my interests, or hearing people talking about theirs)
• I hate sudden, loud sounds (especially people screaming or crying).
• I can recognize patterns in just about anything.
• I always follow a set daily routine, and I feel very uncomfortable whenever I have to deviate from it.
• I constantly move my hands, I just can't stop doing it.
• I can follow instructions, but usually I have to try something many times before I feel comfortable doing it on my own.
• When I'm stressed, I feel the need to get up from my chair and run and jump across my room. (I just did it a few minutes ago after writing half of this post...)
• When I'm in crowded places, I feel uneasy, and sometimes I have to just run away and find a spot to hide in.

But there are also some other things about me, which do not align with the typical definition of Autism:

• I'm very good at making and understanding jokes (In facts it's one of the things I do better)
• I'm very good at reading between the lines (although not so much during a fast-paced one on one conversations)

I also have little empathy for other people. I'm not sure where to put this one... I remember people used to say that it was a trait recognizable in Autistic people, but every resource I've read recently just says that the opposite is true.. So I'm really not sure what to make of it.



I talked about this with my parents; And they admitted that many years ago, after seeing the way my brother acts (and the way I acted similar to him), they started second guessing themselves about me, but they just never bothered to check.

I consulted a specialist about getting an official diagnosis, and they said that they would be willing to go through with it as long as I'm ready to accept whatever comes out.

So I turn to you!
What should I do?? I'm really confused and in need of guidance from somebody that has direct experience with this subject.

PS: Sorry for the extremely long post. And of course, I'm sorry if this is the wrong section of the forum.

Welcome to WP!

I think there's a good chance you're on the AS but if you can get a job and drive a car, then you might want to consider not getting a formal diagnosis. It should be enough to simply act on the assumption that you're autistic insofar as that assumption might help you to better understand yourself and when seeking advice.

Two questions:

1) Does your new job require you to work in an office with others?
2) Why do you think 18 is a high minimum age for obtaining a driver's license? I believe it's typical for most places.

I think listening to yourself and understanding what kind of problems or needs you have is perfectly valid, and if somebody tells me that they are Autistic, I'm NOT going to put that claim into question. (Or simply put, I think that people that do self-diagnose are completely valid)

But it's just not something that I feel comfortable doing with myself, I want a definitive answer; I can't trust my own mind with something so important such as a self-diagnosis.
Also, getting diagnosed here in Italy is relatively cheap and easy if you find the right professionals.

I know that it wouldn't change how my family and friends see me, and if I'm scared that somebody might react negatively (such as somebody in my workplace) I can just not tell them. But most importantly, I would probably be more accepting of myself, and if it turns out that it was all just coincidences, and I was never on the spectrum, then I can safely start working on myself to get over some of these limits. Not that I particularly need to do that, but it wouldn't hurt to try.

And to answer your two questions:

1) Yes, I will have to work in a team. Due to the nature of the job, there is only one day a week of remote work, so yes, for the most part I will have to stay in the office.

2) I don't think it's high at all; In fact, yes it's pretty much standardized across Europe I believe, and I think it's a pretty reasonable limit. I just didn't want to confuse people from North America (USA especially) because if I remember correctly the limit is lower there?

If you're going to be working in an office, then I strongly suggest you research challenges faced by Aspies in an office environment, and consider that being so young puts you in an especially precarious position. You should try to be friendly but quiet. Smile a lot and talk very little. Laugh at jokes but don't tell any. Remember you are among adults. The rules are very different from in school. Also you may think you're super smart but for the time being, you're just an average and inexperienced programmer who wants to learn.
Even if you're certain you know better about a particular topic, it's best to suffer in silence. If you're successful at gaining your colleagues' respect, they may someday seek your advice. But certainly not the first week or month. Should probably find lots of resources on YouTube (mostly in English though). WP also has a forum for these things.

Welcome to WP! I hope you find it a good place to visit.

I am one of the learned-it-late-in-life crowd. I didn't even wonder if I was Autistic 'til I was 64...and before I was 65 I was diagnosed as: Autism Spectrum Disorder, Level 1 (Mild).

While I don't know much about life in Italy I'm inclined to agree with MaxE about not rushing to a formal diagnosis...unless there is some practical necessity (getting needed medical care or formal accommodations, for instance). A formal diagnosis might become something that has to be reported that might close some opportunities. For example, in the U.S. a formal diagnosis would probably keep someone out of the military...which I think could be unfortunate because being in the military was one of the best things I ever did!

Gaining informal information and using it, however, could be a really good idea. You might learn some coping techniques that would be helpful.

And a couple of websites that might help you learn more about yourself are:
=► Autism-Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ)
=► Aspie Quiz

I feel obligated to remind you to be careful. Many of the traits of Autism are not unique to Autism, they are consistent with some other diagnoses, as well. And it is also possible to be partly Autistic, that is, Broad Autism Phenotype.

P.S. Computer Science is what I did in college, as well!

Greetings from a fellow software engineer, and welcome to Wrong Planet!

Your mannerisms are eerily similar to mine, and I was diagnosed with AS this year. I don't have a sibling on the spectrum, but I do have several family members who are.

I have always had issues with eye contact, overstimulation in public spaces, fear of sudden loud noises, trouble with small talk (but a tendency to info dump about music and technology), intense pattern recognition (this will help a lot in your career!), a strict daily routine and uncomfortably in deviating, hand-stimming (I weave my thumb between my other fingers), I struggle to follow verbal instructions (though you sound like your issue is all instructions).

But I am also relatively funny, though offensive to some, and I don't struggle with reading between the lines, though I do often make negative assumptions that I am making people uncomfortable when I think they're trying to give me a hint.

Regarding the empathy thing, AS is best thought of as being "too much or too little". Some people feel too much empathy, some people feel too little empathy. Another thing is that the criteria if I remember correctly is determined by demonstrated empathy, meaning you may feel empathy but not show it in the way NTs expect. My parents also have had a suspicion that I was on the spectrum since I was a kid but were satisfied with the ADHD diagnosis I got at 11. I was not.

I'm wishing you luck on your journey. I always recommend people read Steve Silberman's "Neurotribes" because I think it gives a good idea of what level 1 autism (formerly Aspergers) is like, and it gives a good run down on the history of how we came to understand autism and how little we still understand about it.

Also, if you're a software engineer and you aren't watching Dave's Garage on YouTube, I'd suggest it I see a lot of myself in him. Also Paul from Autism from the Inside, but he isn't a software engineer.

The behaviors you report, along with your brother's diagnosis, indicate you almost certainly have the broader autism phenotype, but if that rises to the "level" of autism is what is in question--it seems likely but that depends on who interviews you. In reality, there is no clear line that says, "Yep, this is definitely autism" or "No, it's totally impossible for this to be autism." We can't even say that with brain-scans or other biomarkers, much less with more subjective psychological tests. Some psychologists go by the strict "classic" definition and some are open to the wider spectrum that fits the classic definition but in much more subtle ways. I think it's worth seeking an evaluation based on your symptoms; it's worth seeing what they say and why. Ultimately, you still have to decide if the diagnosis or non-diagnosis makes sense to you.

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

You wrote that you have a condition known as Dyscalculia. I had not seen that term before so I looked it up.

Dyscalculia is a learning disorder that affects a person’s ability to understand number-based information and math. People who have dyscalculia struggle with numbers and math because their brains don’t process math-related concepts like the brains of people without this disorder. However, their struggles don’t mean they’re less intelligent or less capable than people who don’t have dyscalculia.

Many skills today are performed by computers, so the inability to process math well might be hidden because machines can do that function for you.

But in describing yourself, you wrote that you got your degree in Computer Science and a job as a Software Developer. That would be a strange career choice for a dyscalculia.

You described some of your traits. They sound like Aspie traits (I have Asperger's Syndrome). So you sound like you are in the right group here. It is interesting that you wrote:

When I'm stressed, I feel the need to get up from my chair and run and jump across my room. (I just did it a few minutes ago after writing half of this post...)

Stress can build up in a person. It grows and grows and grows until it explodes. Many people on this site fall victim to stress. But there is a solution. Exercise can help remove stress - especially strenuous exercise. (I am 75 years old and I can swim a mile without any difficulty).

At the end of your post you asked for a perspective, "Be Analyzed or Not Be Analyzed for Autism". The choice is yours but you seek answers and getting tested can provide you some useful information.

(But if you decide to be tested make sure that the results are kept personal, not distributed. Because otherwise it might allow others to use it against your future development, career and job goals. You have a skill set. It might be different from others but it has some great strengths.)

Last edited by jimmy m on 13 Sep 2023, 1:38 pm, edited 1 time in total.

You might want to consider testing for ASD.

You might be one of us and just less obvious than your brother.

I talked with someone who can't work and she told me that many of the services she got went away when she turned 18. She was a volunteer for a while and stopped when she was told she couldn't bring her service dog.

I didn't get a diagnosis when I first joined this group. I've since retired as I don't really need to worry about money.

I've since discovered that I'm a unicorn, with a combination of transgender and autism that likely wouldn't have been diagnosed properly, even if I paid $1500 for a diagnosis. I can socialize quite easily as a female. As a short awkward male I fall into an "uncanny valley" making socialization difficult. Women often have this issue getting a proper diagnosis.

If you are doing well I wouldn't get a diagnosis.

There a whole range of autistic folk with differing levels of functionality.

You seem like you have a lot of autistic traits, for someone who supposedly isn't autistic.

Welcome.
I see you live in Italy.

Have you found it relatively easy to get diagnosed as an adult in our nation?

You were lucky.
Because it's a real problem.
In the sense that scientific research is first rate here.

But the rest is very bad as a diagnostic.

If you are an adult, almost nothing exists.

I have lived there almost always. I read your post a few days ago, and this statement struck me.

For minors it works very well in some regions, in others not so well.

I got it because I was part of a scientific research.

Otherwise I would have had to pay for it and the figures usually exceed 2000 euros.

Otherwise they give you a sui generis diagnosis.

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Sorry if I only respond to part of your posts.
You wrote a lot.

I was struck by dyscalculia and the choice of IT.

Ok computers work on this themselves.

But the study phase foresees them and involves mathematical logic...
Reading between the lines is difficult for an autistic person.

Some are not clear in their conversations and are often ambiguous.

As mentioned: many diagnoses are wrong and people have something else.

It's easy to make a mistake with a non-in-depth diagnosis.

However, the Double Retired tests indicated are valid.

So very close to an answer.

Especially those that include a graph.

A lot of what you write sounds decidedly similar to many of us here.


There is also the possibility you could be a subclinical case....

I hope you will have a good time in Italy.

Tell others or confide it: if you feel the need.

Be careful with this thing because it could make your life difficult:

Talking little is what they wrote to you: I recommend it, among other things it's almost always a waste of time.

Tell your loved ones, but without staying too much on the topic.

Here people think that we are complaining about something, and it is stressful because if we say it we want to make people understand things that are important to us.

At the end of the day and having said it, I only found obstacles and that's it.

I advise you against it, also because people tend not to understand and isolate you socially.

I say I'm shy and I'm anxious.

Which is also true, but they understand these things.

If I said I was autistic I wouldn't be understood.

They think it's something that gives us advantages, and they aren't advantages.

If you happen to get involved in a discussion, find a way not to stay in the center of it, people here are very quick to talk and change the conversation quickly.

In short, you wouldn't keep up with us.


If I can help you with the Italian language you can ask.

Maybe you're already very good at this.

As you can see my English is not of a good level.


Help: You wrote a lot, and I missed a lot of your notations.

I also write a lot, I wouldn't want to be in the shoes of someone who has to read or chooses to do so.


There are Italian forums copied from this one, I write copied because the best one was born 7 years after this one.

The softest word would be: get inspired by this forum!

welcome, take your time and ask questions, explore the possibilities. Lots of kind and understanding folks who can identify. Glad you are with us.