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Hello members,

I'm an adult with Schizoaffective disorder in her mid-thirties. I used writing as a forms of self-learning and self-motivation to rediscover who I was after the disease set in when I was just sixteen years old. Sometimes I dwell on the past, on having not been to school or Prom. But I lived a beautiful life, albeit radical. I have been afforded some great experiences. Often times in nature.

The only medication that works for me is Abilify. I often experience variations of perception. I do not have frequent mood swings or hallucinations, although I do talk to myself constantly and imagination is my key to success. Sometimes I have to review the past visually in my minds eye in order to make sense of reality. My perspectives often seem to straddle the realm of active awareness, however there is something about me that makes me feel out of place. Its like I am a puzzle and a piece of the puzzle that's too sharp and too small for anyone to understand.

I have met others with schizophrenia, and we dont relate. Only on forums and only ones who have maintained the longevity of recovery can mostly relate. I have also realized a part of this disease can be memory lapses. When you are hyper-aware or vigilant on what you think, then you can selectively assume based on your preconceived notions that people will recognize things that you do or the same way you do. I joined this forum a few years back but h avent been active on it and I hope I can meet some likeminded people who could brighten my day.

The more I write the more I communicate the more i can evolve to understand. The basic person I am stays the same, but no matter what label you attach to it--Im still Gabrielle. Im still here, and I love to be present.

Hi Gabrielle,

I am glad you have found a medication that works for you. Schizoaffective disorder is a difficult one and is relatively rare, so it is no wonder you struggle to find people to relate to.

Do you also have autism, or is just the schizoaffective disorder that you have?

In any case, feel free to post around and on the forum.

Welcome to WP!

welcome to WP

Welcome to WP! I hope you find it a comfortable place to visit.

I am a little curious about your userID, "Astryd". By any chance is it a reference to Astrid in Astrid et Raphaëlle?

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Gabrielle, You wrote, "I am a puzzle and a piece of the puzzle that's too sharp and too small for anyone to understand."

In my humble opinion, human beings are some of the most complex species that have ever existed on Earth and perhaps the entire universe. One of the differences is that we have multiple brains. One exist on our left side of our skull and the other on our right side. If one of our brains (beings) is damaged before the age where a child becomes an adult (around age 12), the other brain can step in and allow us to carry on. Our two brains are very different, very unique from each other. They have their own personalities.

So you have described it very well -- a puzzle, within a puzzle, within a puzzle, within a puzzle.
We have two beings inside us but only one brain is online at a time and we switch back and forth between them.