Fumbles for the Exit..."Oh, Hi there!"

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Hi everyone, thanks for having me here.

About two years ago, I burned out hard working at a very exploitative job. It ended with me in the hospital after a potential heart attack scare. After that, I spent two years feeling completely drained—couldn’t think, couldn’t do much of anything. There were even worries that I might have a neurodegenerative condition.

I went through every mental health clinic in my area, got several diagnoses, but nothing fit everything I was experiencing. Eventually, I was referred to an autism specialist. Unfortunately, they didn’t take my insurance, and their fees were way out of my budget. So, my journey for an official diagnosis ended there.

Like many others in this situation, I dove deep into learning about autism and neurodivergence. I researched psychology, different therapies, and the (often depressing) ways autism is viewed. I also tried connecting with the autism community—Facebook was a disaster, so I took a break.

I tried different therapeutic approaches but found most of them unhelpful. They either didn’t work well for autism or needed major adaptation to be remotely useful. ABA therapy? Yeah, not a fan.

Eventually, I started piecing together my own framework for dealing with what I suspect is autism. I’m a systems/holistic thinker, so my approach reflected that. It accidentally aligned with the neuroaffirming movement that’s starting to grow in psychology. With the help of AI, I created an experimental therapist to test my theories. I’ve noticed some improvement—less brain fog, more motivation—but honestly, that could also be because I’ve been away from toxic environments for two years now.

After all this research and experimenting, I decided I might as well go all in and pursue a degree in psychology. It’d give me better accuracy in my work, and it aligns with my interests. Plus, it could lead to a career that feels more meaningful.

As for my social life… there’s not much to say. My family is either estranged, deceased, or distant. I have two close friends (10+ and 20+ years), lots of acquaintances, and I’m generally described as “likable.” But forming deeper connections is tricky for me. I struggle with reading complex facial expressions and body language, so I often overthink interactions. That said, I’ve been surprised by unexpected support from people I didn’t think I was close to, which is a nice reminder not to assume too much.

TLDR: Overworked, burned out, and spent two years trying to figure out what was going on. Found out I couldn’t afford an autism diagnosis, so I did my own research, which led to a new therapeutic framework and potential career shift. Social life is complicated, but I’m here hoping to make friends—or at least meet some interesting people.

Thanks for reading all this if you made it to the end!

Welcome to WP Normlessness,
I hope you can make friends and/or learn something useful here.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

I began to read your post and an interesting question came to mind. You wrote that you suffered brain fog beginning two years ago. There was someone on this site that referred to a similar condition. He also experienced this when he got COVID. This is one of the condition that some people experienced after becoming infected with COVID. You wrote, "I spent two years feeling completely drained."

Other things that you wrote are also interesting. You wrote, "I struggle with reading complex facial expressions and body language." I also have this condition. I have a condition known as Asperger's Syndrome. I am an Aspie. I do not look people directly into their eyes but off to one side. As a result, many NTs (neurotypicals believe I am false, someone to be avoided). I tested this theory several years ago. I bought a pair of one way prescription sunglasses. It allowed me to look out but no one could see through the glasses and see my eyes. The result was astonishing. When I wore these glasses in public, total strangers would come up to me and begin conversations. I could change from ND to NT mode just by putting on glasses.

You wrote, "That said, I’ve been surprised by unexpected support from people I didn’t think I was close to, which is a nice reminder not to assume too much." If you have Asperger's Syndrome, it has been written that this condition runs in the family. You may have family members that also have this condition. The condition is portrayed differently between males and females. Females tend to hide the condition better. They tend to fit into society easier.

Anyways, you might drill down deeper into a condition called Asperger's Syndrome. In my humble opinion, it is a good condition to have. But dig deeper and deeper and deeper and see where it leads.

Welcome to WP!

You can't get a formal diagnosis here. You don't need a formal diagnosis to be here. You don't even need to be Autistic to be here. But, you might find the crowd here to be interesting and sometimes useful.

And, if you ever do get a formal assessment, enjoy! It's kind of fun! (Usually they test kids.)

Normlessness, You wrote about your condition. "like increased sensitivity to stimuli, repetitive behaviors, social withdrawal, frequent meltdowns, insomnia, and even periods where talking was really hard.

Yes many people on Wrong Planet experience these traits. Our senses are on overdrive. Taste, smell, sound, touch and hearing are off the charts. They can almost drive us insane.

You wrote that you are "hyper-focused on my interests". Yes that is one of our traits. When something gets our attention, we can deep dive and drill down very deep until we learn all about it and become subject matter experts.

You wrote about some of your characteristics, You said that you are "either masculine or a mix of both feminine and masculine." So let me try and explain this trait. In a sense I am a child. If you look deep inside me you will see a young child. That is because I died around age 3 or 4 and came back. I was physically attacked by a large bull and it killed me. I woke up a few hours later and stood next to my dead body. My parents were standing next to my body in utter fear. Their first born son had died. A voice spoke to me and said "live or die, choose". I couldn't stand the horror in the hearts of my parents and I said "Live".

I have learned that many people have experienced this. It is called a near death out of body experience. According to the internet, About 45% of near-death experiencers report OBEs (Out of Body Experiences) which involves them seeing and often hearing ongoing earthly events from a perspective that is apart, and usually above, their physical bodies. Following cardiac arrest, NDErs may see, and later accurately describe, their own resuscitation.

O.K. back to the main point, I died when I was very young but I came back and life was somewhat normal at least until I reached the age where a child becomes and adult, around age 12 or 13, and then everything exploded. Other children began to transition into adulthood but I remained a child. Deep down I was still a child.

So you are different then other people. But do not be distressed. You have some skills that other humans do not possess. Just learn to use your strengths to overcome your weaknesses and live a good life.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome to Wtong Planet.,,Glad you got out of the "rat race," however long or temporary. Recovery is a big thing to be concerned with .

Welcome to Wrong Planet!