Hello, not aspie from birth but severe blow(s) to head at 12

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Hello,

my father is most probably an aspie. never been diagnosed b/c counseling is not his thing. but very rigid routines, odd interests, fabulous memory, tendency to ask questions and do monologues, etc.

I think - *think* I was on the NT path, though with social anxiety, until a month after I turned 12.

-----------bluntness warning - story of assault resulting in head injury, read at own risk-------------



then I suffered a horrendous (I'm sorry that's the only word to describe it) blow to the left side of my head in a physical and sexual assault by teenage boys that lasted overnight. I tried to leave multiple times but couldn't.

I feel I have aspie traits. I could have died b/c I blacked out and then when I came to, couldn't walk. I had to focus on breathing and when a "friend" came to get me, I could not talk.

I saw the world in static disconnected images and in combinations of sounds that had no meaning.

working hard, I got a lot of it back by forcing myself to read over and over and over and hear sounds over and over until they meant something. it was so bad that I did not remember the names of objects. what is this thing? oh, it is a 'pen.' I went through this with everything until I realized - everything I could see had a name.

so - what I have in common is the social difficulty which became extreme after the head trauma, and the sensory integration issues, and the "perseveration," and looking at life very differently from NTs, and the fact that all this really gets in my way substantially.

I cannot communicate well. the thoughts are not in my head. they come from a place of nowhere. working on this.

I am frustrated b/c NTs tend to blame me for their problems.

I received several other blows to the head also. one on the right side and a few in the front of my head.

thanks,

Mary Katherine

What was done to you was absolutely horendous, and evil. I hope they rot in hell for that. No one should go through that. I don't know what else to say. I'm glad you've been able to improve from some of the physical damage to the brain, and my thoughts, and prayers go out to you in hope's that any other damage that may have resulted is relieved. It sounds like you are a strong person.

Yes you are a very strong person! And the brain is a remarkable organ, able to bounce back, and since you are obviously willing to work quite hard, you should be able to gain more and more of your old self back. If your aspie traits stick around, you'll at least find a home here, and many kind people you can talk to. Take care!

thanks.

I have tried places for "survivors" of abuse and in many ways they don't fit.

same with info on traumatic brain injury.

I have been told that it's possible I have asperger's, and I definitely have traits of it.

I think the thing would be on what they say to exclude: language difficulties etc. I had severe ones after the assault.

also I don't know if they use "aspergers" from things that are not from birth.

but I can relate in many ways to people here.

partly, I know my father has it and I used him as a role model for getting better (reading a lot, relying on memory b/c I didn't know meanings of words, etc.) but I do think there are biological things too.

I have read that a blow to the left side of the head can cause 'savant syndrome' where the person is both autistic and a savant. I am not either but I learned to rely on memory and I learned how to figure out meaning, slowly and painfully. I see elements of myself in this, just not at the extremes.

Well certainly if your father has asperger's then you are likely to at least have some of the traits. And severe head injuries will only add to the problem, perhaps, like you say, amplifying some traits you already had.

In any event, you're welcome here. I wish you luck on your long journey. You are a very special person.

Do you mind if I ask how old you are now? I'm just curious about how long it's been since this horrendous attack. I can't even imagine how difficult it's been for you to deal with what happened to you, and I think you have a lot of courage to talk about it here. Even if you're not technically an Aspie (but honestly, you very well could be considered one), if you find that you can relate with what people write about here then I feel that you belong here. Welcome!

Welcome silentstar,

Please stay. I relate to your words and your drive to become.

We are not perfect, and are working on becoming better.

This is the best place for you. Not as a survivor, or injured, but as a person with other wiring.

We know a lot about other.

I see that perhaps there was a dominate personallity masking asperger's, so the new you shows the focus, drive, and dedication we know so well.

This is a great group, mostly, and you will fit in as well as any of us.

Welcome to WrongPlanet

I'm so sorry to hear about your terrible experience. You are so strong to share it. I hope you will find love and warmth between us.

I think what happens to us as kids - our brains get "wired" to interpret things from a different angle - was forced upon you. You may have had damage in the same place where our wires are a bit unconnected, which meant your brain adapted and started making connections from a different angle. We tend to understand social context and communication in an almost scientific way, and yes, eventually as adults, enough connections may have formed that some can even cope without anyone noticing anything really different. I also see things in pictures.

So, you are so welcome here. I hope we can help you find peace and forgiveness, your heart seems so soft and gentle. I hope a lot of you rub off here. Lots of prayers.

thanks, I appreciate all your kind replies.

I am almost 39. I did not discuss the assault much of all until last year. then it was hurting me so much not to talk about it, that I did.

the one difference is I feel I became very good at reading nonverbal communication. I don't know if all aspies are considered to have that difficulty, but I think I do it well. that's b/c words often had no meaning, especially at the beginning, there was damage to the expressive and receptive processing of language, which left me almost unable to comprehend or speak.

I learned to pay close attention to body language and tone of voice, or no one would speak to me at all. I also learned to be in tune with other people's feelings - maybe too much. when they were happy, I was happy. when they were sad, I was sad.

then I had damage to a part of the brain that deals with abstractions, so everything became very concrete.

for example, the word "mind" means little to me b/c I have nothing in my "mind" that is not a reflection of what I have seen, heard, read about or experienced.

if I know something happened to me, say I wore a red shirt on Tuesday, and then I read in a book "it is impossible for a girl to wear a red shirt on Tuesday," then I no longer believed I wore the shirt.

that is b/c I could SEE the words on the page saying it was impossible and they were stronger than my mental image of having worn the shirt, especially if it was a month or more ago.

am I making sense? geez, I think I sound absolutely pathetic.

I am learning to develop: thoughts and feelings of my own and to understand my preferences and I am working on this thing called "abstract thinking" which is still a mystery to me.

I used to be an anthropologist studying the ways of 'normal.' eventually after many many years and therapy, I gave up. I do not know what this 'normal' thing is, but I know I am not it. and I'm trying to believe it's OK.

I have motor skills issues also - clumsiness, etc. I may have mild cerebral palsy from a combo of prematurity and the assault - don't know. it would be very mild if so.

however, I feel I gained as much as I lost, from hitting my head. (from the assault itself I gained not much that was good for me.) I gained creativity. I can associate things in unusual ways and solve problems in ways others often don't think of.

I personally feel, hitting my head "turned off" something that should have been there, and "turned on" something that I would not have had. I am not a psychic or anything, but there is something about the drive to solve problems and creativity that I would not have had.

thanks. sorry to go on...

Hello SilentStar

Sorry to hear that all of that happened to you.

Welcome to WP.

Wow...sucks to have that happen. Hope the ones responsible get a serious wake-up call (in prison perhaps?).

At any rate, welcome, and I hope you have fun here!

Welcome to WP!

Tim

How can people be so inhumane? It's just infuriating... have these people no conscience at all?

I feel bad for you silentstar. But you're very welcome here. And I admire your strength, and you're certainly not pathetic.

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Hi SilentStar,
Heres a blind guess,
Maybe you where slightly aspie anyway, especially in view of what you said about your Father, and the dreadfull assault brought out the manifestations of the tendencies that where allready in you?

For example, lots of Apies have Social Anxiety, now maybe this is brought on by the cruelness of NT children, or our own embaresment when we get things socially wrong,
but if we had been brought up with kind people who never bullied or belittled us, maybe we wouldnt have that Social Anxiety, though we would in efect still be the same person.

Or under severe stress, Aspies will find comfort in such Aspie traits as solitude or immersion in that "special interest".
But if we never had reason to encounter stress, would we tend to follow our Aspie traits to the same degree?

What you have gone through would bring out the strongest manifestation of any psyicatric condition.

Regarding your seemingly non-Aspie trait of being good at reading people, I think ordinary people seem to be born with this ability, Aspies not, but Aspies can learn through thier strong intelliect, especially if the need arises, which it surely had in your case, the diffeance being, to NTs it is instinctive, to Aspies you have to think about it, but can still be done.

I have allways been good at reading people, I have an EQ score of 125, but belive it to be through intellect, and through neccesity.
Since infanthood, I lived with a stepfather who hated me so would mentaly and physically abuse me, I belive a punch in the head or a kick in the stomach from an adult, can very quickly teach even an Aspie the meaning of non-verbal signals.

Gods. Reading what you had to go
through really puts all the little problems
into perspective.

Stay strong and heal.