NT Mama

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Hi, I'm new here. NT mama. Aspie Ex husband (my X-man) and 16 year old daughter.

I am so tired of her scolding me! Everything I do is wrong. She always has a LIST. And its LONG. She's been scolding me since she was old enought to talk. I'm so tired of taking all her negative emotions and her blaming me for everything. I'm too nice for this.

ScienceDiva

So what is she scolding you about? And how old is she? With some more information, I think that we can give better support or advice.

Kris

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Welcome to WrongPlanet

She does say her daughter is 16.

She scolds about anything she happens to think is not on her rigid list of rules for that day.

ScienceDiva

Teens! I take it a teen with AS? Send her here, she can complain with the other teens. Maybe you will get some rest.

If the scolding from your daughter is unacceptable to you (and sometimes mothers secretly accept this as their lot, but if you really don't) then decide NEVER to let it achieve a useful result for your daughter. Whatever she is trying to gain from it, don't let that happen. Do it in a way that doesn't make you feel bad about yourself: ie, keep your temper, don't get drawn in, don't raise your voice, or simply communicate in the nice way that you're happy with.
For example, if her list has things for you to do on it, don't do them even if you wanted to do that stuff anyway. Don't do as she asks until she requests in a pleasant way. If she criticizes you don't defend yourself or argue: pretend her voice is clucking or quacking and only reply when she speaks politely to you. But don't start this regime until you are mentally prepared to carry it through. It will work but you have to keep it up, and at 16 there will be power struggles at first.

She just had a cow because I marked her paper half off because she didn't give me a good enough answer on the difference between a theory and a law (biology.) Of course she knew the answer, but it took a screaming match and tears before she accepted the fact that the WROTE the answer incorrectly and I had to grade her fairly because that's the way I grade. We homeschool inasumuch as she lets me. I'd prefer she go to public school but she has panic attacks. She does quite well and mostly self schools, reading book and take test type of student, no busy work inbetween. She's off with her dad for the weekend, the two Aspie peas in a pod and I am on my Flexeril and Vicadiin for a bad back. What a break I'm going to have. And she left the brownies with me.

Thanks for the support. I have great support system, as I am a teacher at a home school center and we have lots of special needs kids, but last night I had "HAD IT UP TO HERE" if you know what I mean.

ScienceDiva

I'd make a list of my own to recite to her. That's only fair isn't it? Then again, I'd probably grade her list for her. She's only 16, I know I could do one better.

Pleased to hear she can relate to her Dad. When it comes to ex's, all to often the kids are used as pawns. I'm not saying get paranoid about it, but what is he feeding her. It's possible it's coming from your end, I don't know but one side of this story. If you can still converse well with him, it might be a good idea for a meeting of the minds. Divorce is a rough road, I can attest to this as well.

He is too busy playing x-box and working for Microsoft to say anything about me. He doesn't talk about me. He doesn't talk to her much, either, unless its about cartoons or computer games. No, she's not a pawn. We are the happiest divorced couple you'd ever meet. We get a long great. He is addicted to pornography and I decided that If I was going to be celibate I was going to be single. He understands, but did nothing to stop me from leaving. Never even asked me to stay. We are good friends and talk alot.

He feeds her junk food, anime and x-box.

ScienceDiva