Did I Crack The Code? Seeking Opinons!

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I hope you guys don't mind, but I posted this here and in General Autism Discussion, because it's an intro and asking questions. Feel free to delete either post, but please tell me where it was left!

Well...this is really long, so I might break it down into a couple of posts. I'm quite verbose, but I'm not sure where to start with this intro and general gathering of everyone's opinions on the matter I'm about to outline. So let's start with the basics. I'm a 25 year old female from America. I live with my parents and our menagrie of animals in Michigan. I work in internet small business, as a craft artist and currently trying to bridge the gap between ametaur and proffessional writer by actually getting paid for my works to be published for a change. That's the outside picture.

The inside picture is quite different. The stuff hit the fan when I was about four years old and started nursery school, and it just got worse until I was taken out of school in seventh grade and put into home schooling. At six they diaganosed me with ADHD, which seems to have been the popular answer to behaviour problems in the late 80's. When puberty started, the lack of social skills and disruptive behavior and a myriad of other problems were joined by a few motor and vocal tics. That quickly got me diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome at age 11. At 13, OCD, anxiety and Depression were added to the list.

It got worse, and slowly it started getting better. Well, some of the things. The tics are barely noticable now, at least not to someone who doesn't know what they are for me. But it seems like other things have gotten worse. Namely, my social skills and interaction with other people. Once I stopped riding horses at age 17, three years after being run off the tri-state Hunter/Jumper circut when I came forward about being molested by my coach, I kinda stepped out of the social race. I dated. I worked. Neither of these have went well. I do enjoy chatting online with people, it feels "safe" I guess this way. And other then very badly wanted to get married, I don't have much of a drive to be around other people. My last job ended within two weeks, after being ripped to shreds by my other female co-workers.

I've known that something wasn't "right" for several years now, when it seems like I'm not growing up emotionally, but being tossed into all these situations that I'm supposed to be able to handle. I have a way of agitating people when I talk to them, and even my parents have a habit of yelling at me that I'm bothering them. But the thing is....I never understand what I said wrong. While I can be fairly witchy during PMS, generally when I approach people it's with good intentions. When someone seems like there's something wrong, I work like hell to find out what it is and usually get rewarded with being yelled at. Obviously friendships have suffered, even online ones! I've burnt enough bridges to cross the Nile, though as part of trying to "get it together" I'm trying to undo some of the damage I've done over the years.

So where does the whole Aspergers thing come into the story? Well, one of my OCD-ish interests is fandoms...the following of a TV show, movie, literatary work, comic book, anime, etc. And one thing I enjoy greatly (and also have used over the years to help train my writing abilities) is RPGs. My favorite current TV show (other then ER, which I don't count as current since it's in season 14, but I digress) is Boston Legal. Which happens to have an Aspie character on it, whom someone in my RPG group was going to play. So I looked up Aspergers on wikipedia and well, the sirens went off.

So there's the back story.....more next post.

Post two

Okay...so I've been doing some reading on AS and have found that I meet the criteria. In one test floating around the 'net (the disagree/agree thingy) I scored 43 out of 50. Over 32 is considered in the range for AS. So then I sought out the human angle. I know a few people in a doll collecting forum I'm on that are Aspies, but frankly I haven't had the guts to say anything to them. Another read through of the wikipedia article and I ended up here!

Trying to keep my mind off a loved one who is seriously ill, I spent most of this afternoon reading posts and articles on this sight. More and more, I found myself feeling like there are people out there who DO go through life like I do. Even the more odd habits of mine, other people seem to share them! It's an amazing feeling, and a feeling like maybe I can unlock the secret of my adult-life problems and can get it together better then I have it now. Or at the very least enough to live up to my potential and get married. Social involvement still isn't too high on my list.

I do exhibit a mindblindness in public, which most people interpet as me not caring what people think of me. And I don't anymore, considering the diasters I've had in work, love and friendships! But I seem to say and do things probably best not in public. And at home, well, I have a way of embarrasing my parents, whom I live with, with some of the things I say and my actions.

I don't know if you can quite say I have narrow interests, but it probably boils down to three categories: fandoms, collecting, and animals. In fact, I generally prefer animals over people. Seriously. I didn't cry when my grandmother died. I didn't cry when my aunt died. (her funeral is Saturday), but I've been crying all day over my sick puppy. And I still cry about two of my beloved dogs who were euthanized...5 and 3 years ago. But anyways, I am obsessive with my interests, though I'm trying hard not to be, and they often occupy my mind. Thankfully I'm drifting out of the religious obsession I had most of my late teens and early twenties! That was very conflicting, though if it's Aspergers type behavior it may explain the intensity. Intensity to a point where I drove plenty of people around me crazy!

As a child, they didn't call me a "little proffessor", but they did call me a "walking encylopedia". I once embarrased a teacher when he tried to challenge my photographic memory. (Don't have that as much now, but then again I landed on my head several times since then during my riding years) I was very obsessive as a child, picking one topic and studying it feverishly. Usually they seemed to last about a year or two. I still do that....but with less intensity then in childhood. But still enough to be filled with useless information.

One behavior that drives my parents up the wall about me is that I often neglect tasks. Not on purpose, but I just don't think of it. I can pass a sink full of dishes and never will it occur to me that I should put them in the dishwasher. And then when I'm yelled at for not doing it, I always get upset, wondering why someone didn't TELL ME to do it if they wanted it done! It's like that on alot of things. And I had to laugh when I read on a post here I'm not the only one who will wear the same pair of jeans several times before washing them. In my room I have dirty clothes in the hamper, clean clothes in the closet, and usually a pile of "between" clothing on a dresser or desk.

The biggest Aspergers problem I don't have is lack of imagination. In fact, I have too much sometimes. I tend to have biazarre thoughts and generally do not gain popularity by expressing them. I easily come up with stories, and alot of my thought process when I don't have to concentrate on something is working out stories in my mind before I write them. I'm also artistic with abstract painting, sewing, embroidery, etc.

So.....um.....does it sound like I should be having a talk to my doctor about this?

Wait for part three...questions!

Part Three...Final Part...a Few questions!

Okay, let me conclude my intro-inquiry with a few questions:

1. Given what I've written above...are we looking at Aspergers WITH Tourettes or Aspergers INSTEAD of Tourette's? The motor tics I have now are very minimal...biting my lips, a twitch in the corner of my mouth, and twisting my hands around. Sometimes I will bend my neck to one side or shift a shoulder. But I'm not entirely sure it's like, involuntary. It feels like I should do it, so I do and I know I am doing it. Other actions, like tapping a foot, my hands on my legs, or a pencil on the desk, I don't know if they count as tics or not. And while I can have a foul mouth on me when I get a hair crosswise, I don't have cophraligia.

2. Has anyone else on here been misdiagonsed or discoverd on their own they may be Aspies? How on earth do you broach this with family? Or the doctor? I'm kind of afraid to say anything to my parents about it.

3. Do you guys mind if I hang around here and try to figure this out by talking to you guys? Of course, I gotta talk to my doctor and stuff too, but it might be a good way to find out just how likely it is. Given what I've read today...it's pretty likely. Downright probable.

4. Are there any Aspies that seem outgoing when forced into social situations and then are like cows for the slaughter at the hands of people who will turn your naivity and confusion when dealing with people into a weapon against you? This would be the story of my life. I avoid social situations, then I go into one and jump in with both feet very eagerly and then I get knocked on my butt. :/

5. Is there anything other signs that would give me an answer whether this is Aspergers behavior or not? Sites I should look at? Tests I should take? Odd behaviors that are signals?

6. Do you ever experince moments where there is suddenly too much light, too much sound, too much movement? I had an attack like this a year ago that was quite severe and ended in a major meltdown. And then about a month ago it happened again, to where I was almost frozen and couldn't even stand to be touched. This behavior especially baffles my parents, though I've always had problems with becoming "over stimulated".

I guess that's enough questions for now...just trying to take it all in. Thanks for listening to my ramble. I'm going to go read somemore and I might post in return some more. Until you guys kick me out at least. Though I can say one thing, I am not an NT by any means....and maybe that's not as bad as it sometimes seems.

Hiya and welcome. Glad you are posting here, thoughtful posters are always appreciated.

I think you know, and if not will find out... that many here have a tendency for long winded posts... and surprise, surprise people actually read them.

What you said about neglecting things is very true for me. It may or not be an AS trait, but many here can relate.

It's a relief and strangely addicting to find so many others with similar experiences. You may find some who even have a near exact copy of your own thoughts... which still freaks me out.

I wouldn't worry about not not having an imagination in terms of AS criteria. I doubt it's really an issue, more about being imaginative and not being able to express creativity in a way others can understand.

I can say something about a couple of your questions.

1: hmm, can't help with this one. Other's may have more experience with Tourettes...

2: I've mentioned AS to family, they sort of deny it... and say you are fine... everyone's a little different. Haven't brought it to a doctor or friends either. It's not that debilitating for me... I'm learning socially and can manage.... okay.

3: You should interact as much as you want. It was strange at first, I was very weary about talking to people here. I didn't know exactly how to express my inner thoughts and concerns... and barely even expected people to react. But many understand, and a few really understand exactly what I'm going through. Don't worry about it, just explore your thoughts...

4: I can be very outgoing once I am comfortable socially. Some Aspies tend to internalize and don't express anything, others don't care and just put out whatever goes through there head. I'm in between and am really reserved, and let everything out of my head as I grow in understanding those around me. I'm working on being more open initially... it's a lot better for me socially... I just have to get over a fear that when I express myself no one will appreciate it.

5: Not sure about other sings, but as I've related to others I've grown less concerned about if I have specifically AS or not. I mean it's always in the back of my mind, but it really doesn't change anything if I have a label. I relate to those here, and I get help here... does it matter if I have AS or not?

6: Often, I tend to hate crowded noisy environments. Or bright sun light. Eventually I can get used to most situations, but in new places I get overwhelmed. This is a very common AS trait...

Sounds to me like you have AS...

Welcome to WrongPlanet

Gypsy,

Welcome to Wrong Planet. I'm a newbie myself, and I commend you for having the courage to share more of yourself than I have been able to at this point. I can definitely associate with almost everything you said, especially the neglectfulness with tasks. As a matter of fact, I think I can one up you on the dishes...I'll start putting them away, get sidetracked, and neglect to do the rest of it, and put dirty dishes in the dishwasher with clean ones to boot! Drives my parents up the wall. I'll do my damndest to see if I can answer your questions for you.

(1) I wish I could be more help with this question, but because Asperger's and Tourette's are both brought about by defects in the same neurotypical pathways from what I've read, I don't think you'll ever find out the answer to that question. my own honest opinion is that some people have only Tourette's, and for those that have signs of both Tourette's and Asperger's, my own honest opinion is that Tourette's is a symptom of Asperger's. Just my own HO. I could be (and probably am) wrong.

(2) I was definitely misdiagnosed. Actually, I've never been formally diagnosed with anything, but when I was 3, I did see a speech pathologist. My parents were told that I was going to have to repeat kindergarten twice (and I didn't even start kindergarten until I was 5 going on 6), that I was probably going to be in special education my whole life, and that my chances of living a normal life were slim to none. I baffled everyone when I took my school entrance exams and scored at or above the level of everyone else, got retested, and did it again. My pediatrician broached the possibility of my being a full-blown autistic when I was about 2 and a half or three, but nothing else ever came of it. My pathologist thought (especially since my speech development was delayed about a year behind everyone else and my motor development about a year and a half behind everyone else...I didn't even walk until I was 17 months old) that I might be mentally ret*d. When I flunked out of my first go-round at college, my advisor thought I was depressed. My parents thought I might be OCD when I was about 4 or 5 (but never sought a diagnosis) because of a fanatical interest in propellers and butterflies (the latter interest has stuck to this day), and how I would be able to sit around for hours just lining up and arranging crayons and pencils with no apparent purpose or for no reason. My mother thought I might have adult ADHD because of my inability to follow through and complete tasks (my perfectionist tendencies make me put off doing things I need to do). I worked with a guy a year ago who has an autistic son and in doing research on ASD's to find out what he could do for my son, he broached the subject with me about my potentially having Asperger's. I filed it away in the back of my mind and only recently got around to researching the issue. When I read up on it, 80 to 90 percent of it fit me to a T, especially the parts about my inability to read or "get" people. I am going to seek an official diagnosis as soon as my insurance at work kicks in sometime in November or early December. As far as how to handle your parents, just tell them. They'll either support you or they won't. It's their call. Their prerogative. If they don't support you, it's their loss. As soon as I had the chance, I just blurted it out to my mother. She read up on it and said, "My God, this explains everything about you!" I'm lucky that I have their support. They want to help. They want to understand. I think the more honest and straightforward about this you are with them, the more likely that they'll support you. Have some literature handy for them. It will help them understand.

(3) By all means, feel free to hang! We are all here to support each other. All my life I've felt misunderstood and rejected by societal convention. This place is probably one of the few where I'll be with others who can understand me. I'd be surprised if the same didn't apply to you. We're all in this together.

(4) I can definitely associate with the whole social interaction thing. It's especially weird for me because I love to make people laugh and to talk about issues I'm passionate towards. I can sit in front of a live audience and crack jokes like a comedian or talk ad nauseam about euthanasia or social issues with a speech, but I can't wrack up enough nerve to ask a girl out on a date. I'm too worried about saying the right thing the right way. Everytime I've tried, I've been rewarded with laughter, a "sure, whatever," or a riposte "f**k off" for my troubles. It makes me feel like crap.

(5) Read Tom Attwood. Read every link. Take any test you can find. I scored a 36 on one of the Aspie tests (out of a possible 50) and scored 153 out of 200 on another. I'm certain after that that I'm an Aspie. I also have a marked social phobia (I scored 74 out of 100 on that test). Odd behaviors to look out for would be everything that I've mentioned and that you've mentioned. You covered the whole shebang except for one thing...a profound inability to get or understand people. Not being able to read their faces. Grappling with the question of personal space. Those are the most marked signs of my Asperger's.

(6) One of the few signs of Asperger's that doesn't apply to me would be the heightened sensory perceptions that some people with Asperger's mention. What I WILL say is that I could sit and watch soemthing spinning for hours on end, glumly and stupidly starting at it for hours on end in a hypnotic trance. That thing spinning out in front of the barbershop? I could sit and watch that for hours. And I can't even explain why.

I hope this helps Gypsy. And once again, welcome to Wrong Planet. Thanks for sharing!

Brad

<<<(5) Read Tom Attwood. Read every link. Take any test you can find. I scored a 36 on one of the Aspie tests (out of a possible 50) and scored 153 out of 200 on another. I'm certain after that that I'm an Aspie. I also have a marked social phobia (I scored 74 out of 100 on that test). Odd behaviors to look out for would be everything that I've mentioned and that you've mentioned. You covered the whole shebang except for one thing...a profound inability to get or understand people. Not being able to read their faces. Grappling with the question of personal space. Those are the most marked signs of my Asperger's >>>

Actually, my parents are always yelling at me about commenting on the faces they make, to which I will ask them ad nausem "what's wrong" until there's yelling. And then I just want to throw up my hands and scream "I don't understand! What did I do wrong? I was just trying to help!" And with other people, I tend to not really care when I think they make weird (to me) expressions unless it impacts me somehow. I'm like that about people I don't care for period, to be honest.

As for the personal space issue, that has been a problem for me. When I was working at our mall's former pet store years ago I had several customers complain to the manager about me standing on top of them. And that's another thing my parents get on me about. (Seems like they get on me about alot of things, I know, but it's not easy to live with me. They're very awesome and I wouldn't be half as sane as I am without them!) And let's not even get started on sleep overs with other girls, sleeping in the same bed.

I know I have a problem considering people's feelings before I act or say something. People who spend alot of time around me in a non-structured manner (like work or when I used to ride horses) find me sometimes narcisstic, selfish, and insensitive. I think that's what really made me come back to looking at AS, after reading the wiki article several months ago. I'm tired of wondering what I did wrong and why people are mad at me. I'm hoping that if I can get a DX, maybe I can get the treatment I need to get along better in the NT world, though I never have and most likely never will be part of it.

Welcome,

Yes for AS, but there is nothing to be done. Blind people cannot see, it is just the way it is.

You are outside of the perceptual range of the world.

Here you are suddenly normal. We understand, but are the same.

It is good, like helping like, you are not alone, not the only one.

Tony Attwood is good for parents and teachers, it helps in understanding how to work with us.

There is not a "Ten steps to becoming an NT."

Labels are not a treatment or cure, and change every few years.

AS is undefined. There is a human range here, they all have something in common.

I write, draw, paint, and relate to machines and dogs. Other people do other things.

We are all we have.

You have taken a lot of time to become your present self. I would advise you to hang out here for a while.

Not only does someone have just what you do, on any subject, many have it to a greater or lesser degree.

Know thy self.

There are 2,000,000 in the US, most do just get by.

Take WP three times a day for a month, then call me.

Welcome to the gang.

Hey Gypsy,
Welcome to WP; I'm new here too. Your self-described verbosity doesn't make me laugh; it makes me smile. I am so verbose it's almost amazing sometimes. My therapist has worked with me tirelessly trying teach me the difference between the long answer and the short answer. Though it may not show here I have been told by a number of people that I have a way with words and a friend of mine, who is a poet, has told me repeatedly that she is fascinated by how I use the language. And yes, verbosity IS a trait of Asperger's Syndrome for some as I learned from Tony Attwood's books.

Like many AS people, not the least those who have posted here at WP, I spent my entire childhood and early adulthood knowing that I am very different from most of the rest of what we loosely refer to as "society," but didn't know where to go to get help. My depression made it's first appearence the moment I hit puberty, though my blue spells as a child went undetected. My folks are wonderful too, very supportive, and without 'em I'd probably be dead, have a drug problem, homeless, in jail, in an asylum, or some such fate. The therapist my folks took me to see when I had my first major depression in the 7th grade was no help at all and couldn't come up with a diagnosis- which understandably frustrated my parents given all of the money they had spent on my coulseling. The therapist I saw between the ages of 20-21yrs., though nice and very sincere, wasn't a lot of help either; three weeks later I landed myself in the hospital with extremely serious depression. Went on meds--had a goofball psychiatrist who was almost no help--couldn't dx me with anything other than a "major depression"--and he went to medical school for -what-exactly? It has been largely the same story with almost every other therapist since then.

Finally, at the age of 35, during what I considered to be my last shot at therapy, my therapist dxd me with AS after I had been seeing her for 2 1/2-3yrs. I didn't know it at the time, but she specializes in learning and developmental disabilities- with an expertise in AS. I was stunned to hear a therapist describe me in a way that no one else had been able to do until that point. I can relate to you about wanting a formal dxs, but it can be tricky. Not only is it hard to find someone who IS qualified to diagnose, but the knowing brings new unexpected challenges, so be careful. Inventer is right; we are outside the perceptual range of the world and there isn't a "Ten Steps to Becoming a NT."

I have poor people skills too and little desire to visit, socialize, schmooz and I couldn't care less about what's now, happening, in fashion, etc. Leave that to the hordes of gullible sheep out there. Oddly enough, I've found that I can appear to be sociable and outgoing, but what most people don't realize is that I can do that thanks to the acting skills I aquired during my first stab at college. It's exhausting and, in the final analysis, most people will believe almost anything if you just package/spin it properly. The folks here at WP are GENUINE and EXTREMELY INTELLIGENT which is probably one reason why the NT conformist convention can't handle us.

You were molested at 17!? Lord girl, I would've dropped out of the social world after that too! There is a part of me that would like to give your molester an attitude adjustment with a baseball bat, ("went upside his head with a baseball bat/ my name is mud....") I've given up on the marriage thing. Relationships? Lets not even go there. ("yeah, she f**kin' hates me....")

Man, can I ever relate to you about the complete obsession with religion when I was in my late teens, early twenties! It took me roughly to the age of 25yrs. before I broke it and by then I had driven everyone around me insane and almost landed myself back in hospital. There will be NO MORE OF THAT!! !! Ditto for the clean clothes in the closet, dirty ones in the hamper, and a pile of in betweens, (that I am looking at as I type this.) People really did call me "little professor" at various times throughout my growing up, (whatever that means- I've met too many NTs that aren't grown either), and given the problems that I did and still do have in social settings, I found that my vivid imagination is more than capable of keeping me entertained. Now, at the age of 41, I simply don't care what other people think about me at all and, with the exception of a few rare and precious souls in the NT sector, who on earth would want to fill their minds with the mountain load of baby burpings that the NT world seems to hold so dear? Let 'em have some "time out" in the corner with their toys.

As for your questions:

1.) It would take a qualified doctor to make a diagnosis, but my own 2 cents worth is that it's probably just AS. I've had ticks for years as well as seizures- both of which have now been somewhat mitigated my my meds. As my therapist once told me, as well as a genetic researcher who was a keynote speaker at an AS conference that I attended several yrs. ago, ticks and seizures are frequently associated folks on the spectrum, but AS itself doesn't appear to cause seizures and having them isn't absolutely necassary for a dx of AS to be made. One distinction however: things like chewing on pens/pencils, tapping your foot, biting your lip, or, one of my favorites, ripping out nose hairs, (yep, I do it while watching TV), are generally considered stims and are just a part of what comes with AS, whereas twitches and tics could be Tourette's, but not necessarily or automatically.

2.) I've already shred my answer to #2. Bugsy128 has some good advice here.

3.) Anytime, my dear, anytime. You're always welcome here.

4.) This has happened to me many times. Why do you think I'm wary in social situations and don't like or even feel the need to socialize all that much? A true friend, NT or otherwise, wouldn't treat you that way. I have a simple but effective policy: treat me like crap and I never speak to you or interact with you again-period.

5.) This may not be what you want to hear, but you already KNOW the answer.

6.) I'm one of of those who hasn't inherited a lot of sensory problems, but I do have some. Over stimulation is a severe and pervasive problem for me. Motion sickness can sometimes happen to me when Im not even moving and I have had atacks like the one you're describing on occasion. This is one reason why I DESPISE events that take place in large arenas, crowded spaces, and the like. I also have some auditory dysfunctions and there really is such a thing as a good hearing day and a bad hearing day for me.

Finally, there is absolutely nothing wrong with not being an NT. As my therapist pointed out to me, AS does come come with gifts too. Even Hans Asperger himself stated that the world is a much better place because of the presence of Aspies like us. Hang in there and chin up! I am verbose, but I'm starting to overstim typing all of this so I'll close. I hope it helps some.

you mean there are people who DON'T wear their jeans several days in a row?

welcome home.

Welcome!
I am not so verbal and you have great answers already. I appreciate being able to read what highly verbal persons like yourself write. It feels like you can express for me what I cannot. I know Tourette's is commonly a secondary Dx with Asperger's or it could be just AS. Imagination is only something that MAY not be present, like I have none and envy you. I am new too and this is a good place to learn without being attacked. I am still wondering about my diagnosis, but at least have ASD=on the spectrum and too severe to qualify for AS, but found it in my chart so what gives? I am going to a support group today and hope to learn good stuff about assessment of AS. I feel overwhelmed even here and am exploring slowly to avoid freezing and not processing all I read.