Undiagnosed Aspy, HFA... too-frequent zealot, over-analyzer

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I took the AQ test (which is probably B.S.) and scored in the mid-20s. I don't think I'm quite like Temple Grandin or Sean Barron, but I see myself in some of the signature symptoms.

Black-and-white thinking is one of them. I get locked into invocations in my head that I keep repeating because they have a way of getting myself into a certain emotional mindset. Usually, I repeat these invocations as a form of building confidence in social situations. For example, when I read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People" I would keep repeating the mantra, "You can make more friends in two weeks by being genuinely interested in others than you can in two years by getting others interested in you." Whenever I'd say that in my head, it'd make me incredibly socially enthusiastic, and I remember getting to know a lot of people at the time. However, the mantra became really repetitive, and I'd be enthusiastic in really inappropriate situations, and eventually I had to scrap the whole plan all-together because it didn't reflect the way I truly think about others and relationships.

Another is a slow or impoverished sense of what others are feeling. I have a tendency to be harshly and painfully blunt at times. I frequently find myself having to put my foot in my mouth. I also remember having an intense sexual relationship with someone, which suddenly stopped, and it took me two years to understand why. My friend suggested that there were soo many obvious signs at the time that she was in love with me, and that because I didn't reciprocate, she finally gave up.

What I'm looking to get out of this site are strategies and coping mechanisms that aspies have developed to make their lives better, happier, and more fulfilling.

Nice to meet you, brit.

I'm Jerry.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Welcome britpopulist,

Dale Carnegie was right and wrong. It is true that one can make friends, but then what?

It is just pushing buttons for effect. I can flirt with every girl I meet, they like it, but what do I do with the ones that respond?

I used to think girls liked me, looking back they had problems with emotions, getting in the way of good sex. In an either or choice, they chose a non emotional purely physical relationship. Then when they moved on, they said I was unfeeling, just a dildo with a credit card.

I think I was the more caring of the two, I gave them what they wanted.

After a few, no you cannot live with me, but I will be waiting for you after work on Thursday, and do not waste good time talking, inside, out of your clothes, in bed, or you are going to have carpet burns on your ass! No I am not staying, but maybe we could get together sometime, keep our clothes on, do something else?

They understand one night stands, passion with a stranger, and the same stranger once a week works.
The outcome was just as bad, but less invested, more investments, and when I am not trying to build friendships, express love, cannot even rememer her name, I can focus on the physical, which is what we were both doing. There are many things I do not understand, but I can make them sweat.

It was an equal exchange, the best possible relationship.

Our animal compatability worked. The door was open for feelings, romance, love, but it seems they are all tools used to get to animal compatability, and most developed no farther than, the front door will be unlocked on Thursday night.

I was looking for something else, it never developed. Ride them hard, leave them with wet hair and sheets, and same time next week.

Women want one thing, and all of their wiles and ways are to draw in a man seeking romance. They talk of feeling, emotion, love, but give them what they want, and they drop that stuff. They use romance to bait their trap.

The only female friends I had were little girls, till they turn thirteen, then the loving and supportive man they have known all thier lives gets rejected, because he won't put out, and a girl has needs.

Both sexes are hunters. Men seek what they desire, one person to fill their lives. They often get what they don't want. Women dress, act, smell, to attract all, their wants do not stop, marriage does not stop them from wanting to draw every bee in the meadow to thier flower. The pollination madness is upon them.

Nitzhie Sp? said, Woman is a riddle, the answer is pregnant.

The poor dears cannot help themselves, the pill makes it worse, but they sure like to be pollinated.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Being Inventor again, I swore I would stop.


Get drunk, be happy for a day,

get married, be happy for a year,

buy a BMW, be happy for life.


I headed for the mountains. After that I was not giving away sex and money.

Like anything else, if I wanted it, it was bought, paid for, and over.

I kept looking, trying, without giving away money or sex.

I just wanted someone to be with, that cared as much about what went on in my head, as I cared about theirs. We have our standards, they are low, but we have them. Nothing.

No one wanted me, just what I had, or could do for them.

The bike is still with me.

WellCome

Hi Britpopulist! Are you an anglophile? If so, you need to get to know CockneyRebel!

Britpopulist

You said that you were looking for strategies to make life more happier, better and more fullfilling. Such strategies do exist and you are on the road to finding what you seek by being aware that to get what one wants, one actually has to work for it. Further, that because each individual has different strengths and weaknesses, to get what you want, you may have to overcome some basic weaknesses. I don't know how old you are but I can only say, that now, at age 45, I wished I'd known these things at a much earlier age. Its taken me a long time just to recognize my strengths and weakness and realize that the same way that I could learn to solve differential equations, I could learn to relate more effectively, both to others and myself.

What I've gotten as a takeaway from your post and some of the responses, in conjunction with my own experience, is that its vitally important to define what I mean by 'happiness" and "fullfillment" and then do some research to check my general perspectives. Otherwise I am to quick to accept stereotypes for these or lock into things that are simply my own fantasies. Why don't you tell us one circumstance that you think would make your live happier, better and more fullfilling.

welcome. hope you stay. and you live somewhere people have heard of AS. because a gabillion idiots kept telling me over and over...

"well. you have black and white thinking. that's a BPD trait. so you are for sure borderline."

Me: "are you SURE? isn't there anything else that is characterized by black and white thinking??"

gabillion idiots posing as doctors: "nope. just borderline."

Welcome, I think you'll find us all unique here.