At last, a place where I belong.

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Hello everyone, new member here. Not sure where this first thread would go; in the General Autism Discussion forum, The Haven, but since this is an introductory post, I though it would be most appropriate to post it here.

First things first, I just like to say how happy I am to have found this site. I have been browsing these forums for a couple of months now, and reading through all these posts, I can’t help but relate to all your experiences. Almost all of you remind me of me.

I am quite sure I have HFA/AS, or some other pervasive development disorder. I spoke to an old counsellor of mine, and we both agree that going to a General Practice to see if I can get a referred to a specialist would be a good move. For many years, I have had no idea what autism was, but now, it explains everything.

I am so different to my peers. I have no friends or no social life. I never made many friends, and always been difficult to associate with. I am several years behind my peers in all aspects of life. Never had a girlfriend, never gone clubbing, and until recently, never had a job, and now I am 21 and I still feel like I’m 13. I’m like a child; I can’t take care of myself, and always become obsessive with certain things.

School was nightmare. Never particularly gifted, I always withdrew into fantasy for the whole day and was trapped in my own little world. It was the only way I could cope. The teachers believed I was some sort of ret*d, and the other kids steered well away from me. As I got older, things got more complicated. I was often the victim of countless taunts and bullying, and I wasn’t performing very well academically. I left with pretty much average grades and far from ready for going out into the big wide world.

As I moved onto Further Education, I was on the verge of suicide. I desperately needed help. For a long time, I had been denying that anything was wrong with me, and so did my family and peers. “It’s just a phase. Grow up. Try harder. You’ve got to be strong. You’re just attention seeking.” This was just a taste of the invalidation I had received. Eventually, I asked to see a counsellor, and I was then treated for Major Depressive Disorder with therapeutic counselling and citalopram anti-depressant drugs. In the middle of my A-levels, it was discovered that I had some dyslexia and was given extra help in my academic studies.

I never got on well with my father. Nobody in my immediate family is exactly “conventional”, but my dad is often very childish and frivolous, and he can become very obsessive. But most of all, he can be abusive, often making spiteful, rude and belittling comments to his children, putting them down and discouraging them to get them to do what he wants. He will often become angry over petty matters and then reminds me what a waste-of-space I am. He is disappointed that his children are not in his image. I think he is just too self-centred to realise that being cruel to be kind is not being kind, but simply cruel. Any chance he gets to belittle me, make me feel small or make me look stupid in front of everyone, he’ll do it. He’s a control-freak.

Today, I really don’t know what to do from here on. It feels like I’ve wasted the first twenty years of my life. I’ve lost motivation to do anything. But there seems to be a glimmer of hope; there are people who care about me, and that’s always enough to put a small smile on my face. Some people think I’m some sort of genius; I’m not, I’m just likely some autistic kid with average intelligence who just gets suckered into a fantasy world and becomes obsessed with certain intellectual topics.

Nice to meet you, Sirunus.

I'm Jerry and I felt kind of the same way as you.

So tell us more about your job and your interests. We're glad that you're here, and hope that this is the beginning of better things to come!

Kris

Welcome Sirunus! This place is a breath of fresh air...free to be who you are, connect with those who are connected to you....

Welcome to the party

Before I start my comments, I would like to say welcome to WP, Sirunus.

I can relate to this a lot.
I am different to my peers and have made none of the achievments that they have in regards to my social life. I am 16, so of course I wont have gone clubbing. I have not had one of those teenage boyfriends though that most do, I have not had an official job (only volunteering at a cattery), don't have any real life friends.
I'm not very good at taking care of myself either. My mother is putting me into residential care in december as she is sick of me being dependant on her. This will force me to grow up. As you said though, I feel younger than my biological age too.



School was horrible for me also. I left officially when I was 15. While I was there, I was being bullied by students and teachers, also receiving the occassional death threat by the local "popular" students.
I left school with no credits, below average grades and a mindful of bad memories that still haunt me to this day.
In class I too used to just go into "fantasy land". I really didn't want to be there and wanted to escape, that was my only way. I can sympathise with you for this.

Anyway...I hope you enjoy posting here and i'm sure that you will find much comfort in knwoing that your not as alone as you thought...I sure have

Hi Sirunus, and welcome.

Welcome

when you get sad, come here. its a safe place to lift your spirits. we'll help you

when you get sad, come here. its a safe place to lift your spirits. we'll help you

Thank you all for the warm welcome. I'm sure I'll fit in really well here.

Thanks. I currently work as a shop assistant in a busy food retailer. Pretty boring job, and can be exhausting too (not to mention lots of people). I didn't realise it would be so hard to get a semi-decent job, wish I had gone to University instead.

As for my interests, I don't really have any, just obsessions. The thing I'm obsessed with right now is my own little fantasy world, and dreaming of one day turning it into a novel/script/film.

Brittany2907: I'm sorry you've had such a hard life, too. I guess it's the price we aspies pay for just being ourselves. But I think in many ways, aspies are better people than most NTs, since most NTs are a waste of space (too many of them are shallow). To look on the bright side, you're only 16. I recently turned 21, and haven't really got much going for me right now because I spent the last five years being negative and a pessimist. Looking at my former classmates, many of them have moved on without me, and many of them will be graduating from University next summer. I know this is difficult when things seem so hopeless, but try to be positive and don't be afraid to get help, and don't pass an opportunity when it is given to you. The mistake I made that resulted in me wasting these past five years was giving up on life, whilst my peers remained positive. I'm not saying you should feel like you're in competition with NTs, but don't make the same mistake I did. Don't give up, try your best.

Welcome!

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Welome to Wrong Planet.

Um, your dad sounds aspie and bitter. And extremely depressed.

Last edited by lelia on 22 Nov 2007, 1:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Glad to meet you, Sirunus.