Longwinded newbie .__.

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I know this is long. I can’t be brief about anything, and I love punctuation <33

I honestly can't be sure about much of anything about myself other than the fact that something is off. The closest I've ever come to a diagnosis for anything was asking my PCP what KIND of doctor I would visit if I were interested in exploring the possibility of an Autism Spectrum Disorder -- and then asking if insurance would cover it. That was about 9 months ago and I’ve finally made another appointment for this coming Tuesday so I can get an actual referral. I hope I actually follow through and go. I think I'm too scared and I'm fobbing myself off with excuses like "I can't afford the visits or even the copays" "I don't have the time" "There is nothing wrong with me" "Even if there is something wrong with me, I don't feel like I need to be *fixed*" ...

What I do know is that every published test I can find online gives me results that always IMPLY that I suffer from Asperger's (After checking out all I could on the ASDs, I felt that Asperger's fit the best). One study said I lied exactly on the point of 2 bell curves intersecting. One was Neurotypical, the other was Asperger/Autism (I can't remember which). I took a test from this website. The 149 question test, my final score was 155 Aspergers, 22 Neurotypical, and the follow up test after that 'diagnosed' me with Severe Social Phobia...

I can’t relate to people, I’ve used diagrams to try and explain my personality to people, people don’t understand me (and most refuse to try and put up with me). When I stand in line at a store to purchase something, and I’m standing longer than about ten seconds, I either start laughing about how everybody is standing in queue to give the store (that can’t get us out fast enough) money for something they probably don’t need, or I start spazzing out (for lack of a better phrase) about how I’m being treated like a subhuman. I frequently leave stores without buying something just because I don’t want to be on a line and wait like a cow to do a company the service of purchasing something from them.

I’m 20/m/ny (Long Island) I’ve pretty much had 1 friend for the past 7 years (<3 her to death – most ‘natural’ relationship I’ve ever had), several girlfriends that did pretty much nothing for my self esteem since they were always trying to change me; and when they weren’t, they were complaining about me. It isn’t that I don’t want to know more people – I do want to –, it’s just that 99% of the people I meet end up pissing me off. My mother is deceased, she was a lot like me. My father tries to be a kind man but he isn’t really capable of true empathy – he keeps talking about fixing me. I am not broken. My brother is. Good. He’s fun to hang out with, and since he’s been learning more about disorders he’s no longer convinced I’m lying about any problems I have. That’s the only family I really associate with, aside from my mother’s sister – whom I like for obvious reasons.

I spend lots of my time going to school, working (As a direct care counselor, I consider it therapy), not studying, watching movies, writing essays, manifestos, short stories, creating 3d art, being long winded for the sake of clarity, cleaning, putzing around with computer games. I love country music (and classical), I like how each song is a story (where you can actually hear the words). I also thoroughly enjoy cooking – but cooking alone usually upsets me. My body isn’t in the best of shape (minor back issues, major weather-related knee issues) so I don’t do sports (Also couldn’t emotionally do it). I’ve been tested to have an IQ between 120-170, but the tests have been inconsistent, I’m in my 3rd year of college and I hope to attend a medical school. I wish to practice oncology (cancer).

The more I learn about certain disorders the more I end up hoping it’s something as ‘simple’ as an ASD. I’d hate to find out a month from now that I have schizophrenia or something (Though I doubt that)

I’ve been poking through WrongPlanet.net for the past 6 months or so but have been unable to post anything. So hello. 

If anyone is on Long Island please send a PM, I don’t know that I’m up to meeting anybody in person but I’d like to try and get to know some people near me 

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

If you can't relate to people, how do you expect to be a medical doctor that deals with people who are dying with cancer and need alot of empathy?

Are you at college at the State University of Stoneybrook...a great school for studying the biological sciences on Long Island?

Nice to meet you, DuceXcreW.

I'm Jerry.

It's complicated, the relating issue. I do 1 on 1 pretty well. Larger groups, like 6 other people, aren't that great. That's why I don't expect being a doctor would be a problem (How many times do you consult 6 people where they have the upper or equal hand?)

As for cancer. My mother died from cancer -- she had it on and off for 13 years. I'd like to think I know a thing or two about the emotional roller coaster that is cancer. Just because I don't often have emotions, have difficulty identifying and displaying them, doesn't mean I wouldn't be able to provide thought-out verbal support for people. After all, you aren't supposed to get emotional with patients.

I was going to LIU - CW Post, I was an accounting major. I'm transferring to St Joseph's college (Patchogue). It's closer and cheaper. I wish to attend Stony Brook as my med school.

DuceXcreW, welcome here, and best wishes for success in your chosen vocation.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Hello DuceXcreW

Welcome to WP

I hope that you enjoy posting here

Just wanted to say "Hi" and Welcome, I hope you'll enjoy it here as much as I do.
My mom died of cancer of the spine 2 1/4 years ago. Good luck with your endeavor to become an oncology professional.
Her Dr. was pretty emotionless when she told me my mom had 3-4 mos to live. So, personally I think you'll do fine. Seems like they just want to tell you and then get the heck away from you. (which is understandable actually, who wants to hang around for THAT emotionally draining scene. If I was the person who just told you your mom's dying, I'd say I was too busy to hang out and comfort you also.) I realize that may sound "Harsh" but its true.
I think you'll do great at it. Use the "I'm terribly busy" excuse,(which I'm sure you will be so its not even a lie) and bolt from the scene.
My moms Dr. never even stopped walking down the hall the whole time we were talking. Callous, ....maybe. Would it have changed the outcome if she'd stopped and gave me a hug or something...No.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi DuceXcreW,
Awsome avater by the way. Don't worry about being verbose/long-winded. I'm frequently that way myself. My Mom and Mother-In-Law are both survivors af breast cancer and one of my closest friends just finished his last round of radiation treatments for prostate cancer. I was glad to hear you say that you're not broken and don't need to be fixed; TRUE! You're obviously very intelligent and creative, so you'll undoubtedly fit right in. Welcome to WP.