Not sure if I should be here..

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Hi all. I don't know if I'm in the right place or if I should even be here since I am not a parent nor do I have AS. My boyfriend however, does have AS and I am trying desperately to understand him. We've been together almost three months and I really care about him a lot. We seem to have this gap between us though because I can't understand his mathamatical and he can't share in my emotional. I have been looking into things on line and in books, but I don't read all that well and learn better by talking things out. But every time we talk, it just feels like we're going in circles.

I really want to understand how he works and I really want to help him to understand how I work. But I don't know how to do that.

Can anyone help? Is it ok that I'm here?

Hey!
Relax. You have every right to be here. WP isn't exclusively for aspies.

Hi there! You are always welcome to be here, if you have a loved one with autism, asperger's, it is only fitting to want to know more, and to be able to understand us better.......

Welcome to WP!
The concept of "embracing neurodiversity" goes both ways.

The site's owner has an open door policy here for anyone wanting to understand AS and the other ausitsm spectrum disorders better. Just know the people here are regular people, just most of us have an ASD of some kind. We're not therapists, counselors or experts on autism. But we can provide you with a personal perspective of what it's like living with autism. So welcome!

Thanks everyone for making me feel welcome. I really wasn't sure.

I'm a designer and my boyfriend is a programmer. I relate best to pictures, he relates best to code. I draw a daisy and he makes a flow chart of the chemical compounds that make up the flower.

So now what? Where do I start?

Nice to meet you, Firgs.

Relax and seat down for a bit.

Hi Firgs,

Welcome to WP.

First have a look around, farmiliarise yourself with this site and all it's functions.

Have a read of some threads, post some comments, start a thread of your own etc.

Maybe go to the library and find a book on Aspergers. I heard that Tony Attwoods books are quite good...I haven't read any personally though.

I am sure you'll feel welcome here.

Welcome Firgs,

Find out what you both like.

Hello Firgs,
It's wonderful that you're here. Your boyfriend is lucky to have such a sensitive caring person like yourself who wants to understand him better. Remember that Asperger's Syndrome is very complex, very difficult to explain, and very subtle. Therapists often refer to it as the "hidden disorder" precisely because it is so difficult to explain. As for where to begin, Brittany2907's advice is excellent. Speaking as someone who has read some of Tony Attwood's books, they are superb and probably the best place to start. Perhaps you could enlist the help of your boyfriend. The two of you could read one of Tony Attwood's together and stop at various points along the way and discuss what you have read and discuss whether or not that portion of the material applies to him and, if so, how. Asperger's Syndrome is refered to as a "spectrum disorder" because, though we may share certain defining traits or characteristics, (ie. poor social skills, formal/odd/pedantic speech, trouble understanding social cues, etc.), there is a wide range of problems and/or symptoms that will affect some people, but not others. It depends where a given individual with AS happens to fall on the spectrum. This is why you can be in a room full of AS people and have difficulty believing that they all have the same syndrome. Feel free to look around and ask any questions that you want to. Welcome to WP.

Firgs, you are most definitely in the right place! There are specialised threads about relationships and socialising, etc. elsewhere in the forums. Have a look in there, and if you have questions, ask.

Thanks for the advice!! ! I have already started poking around and I found a link to an Aspi quiz that I took and now I am having him take so that we can compare notes and answers

I never thought about trying to read books together. Every time he gave me a book to read I just figured I was on my own. And I have ADD when it comes to reading. I can't focus and my mind drifts as I read so I end up not remembering, and rereading things a bunch of times and just getting really frustrated. (ex: in a forum, if a post is too long, I'll just skip it cause it's too much for me) But maybe if we read things together outloud, little by little and talked about them as we went.......??? Is that too much to ask of someone with AS? I find I am constantly struggling with not knowing what's ok and what's not ok.

I do have a few questions about the forum. Like who are the Mods? What are some of the abbreviations I keep seeing like -NT? Is there a list of typical things to know about the WP forum? (not rules - already found those, more like what to expect such as abbreviations and definitions of words)

Thanks for everything. I think this is going to help a lot being here.

Hi, Firgs, I am also new here and think my husband has Aspergers....i tried to understand him-does not work, together 3.5 years and it is getting harder and harder for me with time, i am getting depressed from misunderstanding and lack of communication. If i knew the outcome, i think i would end the relationship in the very beginning.Sorry for such a pessimistic approach, just think about it--with tim frustration just piles up...

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

NT means "neurologically typical" or "neurotypical". In other words, someone not on the autism spectrum.

Don't give up Isaura. We can do this together Part of the reason why I like my guy is because of the way his mind works. I love puzzles and that's what his mind is to me. One giant puzzle that I need to solve to see where my pieces will fit comfortably.

I know it isn't going to be easy, but I think that he's (and we are) worth all the work and the effort (and even the fights that I know are going to happen).

I started to notice that our relationship was quickly becoming a "you vs me" situation. And I know that never works. So, I told him, just as I don't expect him to try to understand me all by himself - I don't expect me to try to understand him all by myself. We have to become a team and the effort has to be 50/50.

I truly think that we can do this and make it work.