New here and I really need some help

Post Reply New Topic

OK, here's my story:

I learned to read quite early on in life, something that surprised both my parents and my preschool teachers. I initially developed an intense interest in trains, but that shifted to dinosaurs when I was 5 and a half and dinosaurs have been my primary interest ever since. A few years ago, I decided to follow up on my childhood dream of becoming a paleontologist and have been working toward that goal ever since. This includes a summer job in Wyoming during which I did lab work and participated in digging at sites in the field.

While I was much smarter in terms of scientific knowledge than my peers and had an odd knack for recognizing musical themes, I had few lasting friends during my early years. Most would either tease me or ignore me, with a few being occasional friends who even then didn't stick around me much. In the middle of all this, I became a Christian for the first time at a retreat in 1998, though most of the other kids in my cabin did not care for my eccentricities. When I returned to school for fifth grade afterward (fall 1998) I finally made some more long-term friends, including one guy that's been my best friend since then.

Later on, some of these friends went their separate ways, but there were always a few people I could count on. I became involved with a Christian youth organization and went to several retreats with them, and even though I had problems with other people my age in school, I still had friends elsewhere.

I continued to grow in my faith, but in 2004, near the end of my sophomore year in high school, I found out things that disturbed me. Until then, I thought that most Christians, even the hardcore evangelicals I had fallen in with, were basically tolerant of evolutionary theory and not that traditionalist with respect to Genesis. I was wrong, and their initial arguments were hard to deal with since I was mostly unfamiliar with them. Later, I learned more about how the fundamentalists really operated, which allowed me to be better prepared for them later on.

Academically, I was mostly just breaking even on my grades from fifth grade (when my social life was at its highest) up until I was about halfway through my junior year in high school. I honestly do not know what happened then, but I started doing really well at that point and eventually graduated with a GPA of about 3.53.

As for how I found out about Asperger Syndrome, I had become aware that I was different to a certain extent during my senior year in high school. In my junior year, I did an essay on my life's story and realized that there was a common theme of "high intelligence, low social skills" running through it. I initially thought it was the result of my being an only child and having no peers to interact with, but by my senior year I was beginning to think that there could be more to it than that. Reading the Wikipedia article on Asperger Syndrome basically confirmed my suspicions.

I wish I could say that it's been going pretty well since then, and if I but the truth is, it's not. I posted here mainly because I've been having serious issues lately, and I don't really know where to go for help. Starting last November, I've been really troubled over all kinds of issues ranging from deep theological questions that could determine the fate of my soul to concerns over possible violations of my college's rules. Basically, I somehow came to the conclusion that not doing things I should have done according to whatever rules applied and continuing to not do them meant I was somehow commiting the same violation over and over again every second of every day, and since violating the rules is sin, I couldn't be sure of what my eventual fate would be. This, of course, hinges on the argument in Christian circles over how "good works" factor into salvation, an issue that has never really been resolved. I have been able to nullify a lot of my concerns by either doing whatever drastic thing I felt needed to be done or by reasoning that they weren't really wrong to begin with, but the central issues are still there

Now, I know this may seem strange to you, but it's something I've really been having problems with for over a year now, and it seems similar to certain depressive phases others on this forum went through in their early twenties, about the same age as I am now. I thought that since this is also the time frame in which a certain phase of brain development occurs, and aspies have had this sort of thing happen at that particular time, that my having AS might be part of the cause here.

Anyhow, I'll probably be getting involved in the fun, off-the-wall stuff here too, not just sit here and talk about my problems.

Nice to meet you, RandomGuy.

It is funny how some people come to realize that they have AS or Autism.

I came to accepted my AS as a gift to me after not believe in myself or my talents at times but now I do.

Welcome RandomGuy,

Not by Good Works but by Grace alone. Those who see it as a check list, done, done, check, are missing the point. It is not something fixed from a few thousand years ago, but all of time, from Creation on.

Putting your faith in the words of men is looking in the wrong place. They pick and chose from Creation, and make their own rule for the Creator. We each walk our own path, deal with what is put before us.

In the choice between my faith and religion, I let religion go. It works for me. Religion is like a political party of the self elected.

Religion has no Brain, Science has no Soul, I have both.

Hi RandomGuy

welcome to WP.

What a long and descriptive analogy of yourself!

Depressive phases are not strange at all...infact, more common than you may think. 1 in 3 people will suffer from depression atleast once throughout their lifetime.

I'm sure you will find out lots here that will help you understand yourself better.

Check out the politics, philosophy and religion forum...you seem like you would have something interesting to offer to the discussion there

P.S...It's ok to talk about your problems! It is better than keeping them inside.

Welcome to WP!

Tim

Inventor, I definitely understand what you're saying. I've heard it often from the Christians I've met. However, the typical "evangelical/fundamentalist" view does not seem to be as universal or as widely-accepted among Christians as I had previously thought. Some, like the Eastern Orthodox church, would suggest that both works and faith are required and that lacking either one is going to have bad results. I'm not trying to personally attack you here, by the way.

The problem is, all of the opinions on salvation are still "the words of men" as you would put it, and in Christian circles they're all derived from Scripture as well. I just don't know which interpretation to trust, and that's why I've taken the "safest" path in trying to make sure I'm doing the right thing. The problem is, the path I'm on is really not going well and I'm constantly worried and depressed because of it.

You should take a look at the "gnostic" gospel, The Gospel of Thomas. Judas Thomas was known as "doubting" Thomas due to the fact that once Jesus returned, Thomas wanted to investigate the wounds to check their authenticity before accepting the resurrection (John 20).

His gospel is thought by many bible scholars to have been a source document for some of the more mainstream texts. These are direct quotes from Jesus with no filler text. I grabbed one translation from www.gnostic.org, and here's some favs:

6. His disciples asked him,

"Do you want us to fast?
How should we pray?
Should we give to charity?
What diet should we observe?"

Jesus said,

"Don't lie,
and don't do what you hate,
because all things
are known before Heaven.

After all,
there is nothing hidden
that will not be revealed,
and there is nothing covered up
that will not be known."


14. Jesus said to them,

"If you fast,
you will harm yourselves,
and if you pray,
you will be praying in error,
and if you give to charity,
you will lose your spirit.

When you go into any region
and walk in the countryside,
if people welcome you,
eat whatever they offer to you
and heal the sick among them.

It is not what goes into your mouth
that harms you;
rather, it is what comes out of your mouth
that harms you."



16. Jesus said,

"People think that I have come
to cast Peace Upon the World.

They do not know that I have come
to sow division upon the Earth:
fire, sword, war.

For there will be five in a house:
there will be three against two
and two against three,
parent against child
and child against parent,
and All will stand as One,
alone and in humility."


26. Jesus said,

"You see the sliver in another's eye,
but you don't see the timber in your own eye.

When you take the timber out of your own eye,
then you will see well enough
to remove the sliver from another's eye."

39. Jesus said,

"The pharisees and the scholars
have taken the keys of knowledge
and have hidden them.
They did not go within
and they also prevented
those from going in
who wanted to go in.

As for you,
be as on guard as the serpent
and as simple as a dove."

You might be interested in this article from Salon.com talking about theology and evolution:
http://www.salon.com/books/feature/2007 ... newsletter

Most colleges have good outreach ministry programs so it's definitely the best time to be exploring these issues and find others who share your faith and doubts.

I was also reading that Mother Theresa of all people got extremely depressed and had many doubts over her faith so you might be interested in the new book on her that just came out as well.

Welcome to WrongPlanet!

Welcome!