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Howdy folks. I found out about this website from another member, and have been lurking for two weeks now reading as much as I can, as well as reading articles on other sites and taking the AQ test (I got a score of thirty-eight). I was diagnosed with OCD at age sixteen, although it had been glaringly obvious to me at least since the age of eight that I did things other kids didn't do. My mother refused to talk about anything psychological with me, and my father was ultimately the one who paid for a psychiatrist and medication (Prozac) which I only took for a few months because I didn't like the way it altered my behavior. I think he was more willing because he was aware and accepting of certain conditions that exist on both sides of my family (OCD in several people, bipolar disorder, schizoaffective disorder, epilepsy, ADHD...)

I have been convinced, however, that there is something else existing alongside the OCD, but never discussed it with a professional because of some very bad experiences with shrinks that left me full of mistrust for the entire profession (I even had a shrink laugh at me and tell me I am stupid!) - the one who originally diagnosed me was brilliant but unable to counsel me, and I only saw him and his team of psychologists for a few months when I was sixteen. Since then I have been dealing with all of this on my own, and that is actually how I prefer things to be - reading about Asperger's has been eye-opening and the only goal I have in mind is to become more comfortable with myself and to work on the things that I allow to inhibit me the most, not to get a formal diagnosis - I don't think I need one.

For a while I was only researching those conditions that have already been diagnosed in my family - schizoaffective disorder seemed likely but there were too many things that didn't fit (hallucinations, mainly - although at the time I was researching it I had taken mushrooms - after reading about the effects of psilocybin on OCD patients - and was experiencing what could be considered hallucinations, but now believe I was in the midst a drug-induced psychotic episode). Lately I have idly wondered if I may have ADD, as I tend to be very easily distracted, but the distraction seems to be entirely in my own head.

I never considered Asperger's, even though I'd been on the GFCF diet for over a year at one point (I am very sensitive to gluten), which I'd read was recommended to people with autism, because I volunteered in the special ed department in high school and the only autistic child I knew was very "low-functioning" and I had erroneously assumed that all autistic people were similarly identifiable.

My husband is used to me being psychologically exploratory, and he is very pragmatic and honest with me about the things I bring up with him; since reading about Asperger's I have been talking about it with him very often, and he emphatically agrees that this might be what is going on with me. For the duration of our relationship we have had such horrendous communication problems, and we always tend to laugh at them later but at the time they are really difficult to deal with and stressful for us both. He has also developed the habit of jumping in when I am talking to people and filling in the blanks, because I often leave out important information or clam up and forget completely what I should say, and he can be quite protective of me in social situations when I say the wrong thing or unintentionally offend someone. Any time I need to make a formal phone call, I have to go to him for advice on what to say or ask, or if he isn't around I'll rehearse by writing down a script. He is very supportive and understanding as to why I am so curious about my brain.

So many times I will go out with him socially and marvel at how comfortably he speaks to people. He doesn't stutter like I sometimes do, or have to think for a long time before speaking; he always manages to come up with something that sounds eloquent and relevant and is delivered very well. I try to imagine myself in his situation, being able to speak like that, and I don't think I'll ever reach that point. It has been very difficult for me to survive job interviews, and I was even asked to leave a job over my terrible communication skills and lack of tact. That experience left me deeply depressed and unwilling to look for another job for a full year, but I am back into the world of employment now and feeling a teeny bit more optimistic!

I was surprised to read that Aspergians have sensory overloads, because this is something that has perplexed both me and my husband for a long time. I find fluorescent lights unbearable, loud noises excruciating, and certain strong flavors to be absolutely repulsive. There are many foods the flavors of which my husband insists are mild to flavorless that I find terribly strong, and he is endlessly amused by this. I don't mind being touched, though, as long as it's not by a stranger who is blatantly groping me.

One thing that doesn't seem to fit is the fact that I started speaking at the average age and also started reading very early, and writing creatively at the age of six. Writing has always been the ideal mode of expression for me, since speech can be so difficult. I was the model student in most subjects except math (mainly due to insecurity and teachers drilling it into me that girls can't be good at math, although my OCD entirely revolves around numbers and I believe I would have done better with better teachers), and the only time my mother was ever called in to a parent-teacher conference by a concerned teacher was due to the fact that I "read too much". I'd read during all of my classes, unabashedly ignoring the lessons, during recess as well, and lunch (foregoing food to escape to the library), and would go home and spend the rest of the day reading (even during dinner, and my bath - I tried to read in the shower once with terrible results). I'd read myself to sleep and awaken the next morning to immediately begin where I'd left off. A friend even had to save me from getting into the middle of a fight once because I'd been walking down the hall at school reading and had wandered right into the middle of a ring of angry girls. Nobody could stop me! My grades began to slip in high school due to social anxiety, and I very nearly didn't graduate (and continue to have nightmares that I still haven't!)

There is so much more I could say, but I will spare you all my life story. I don't know if I have OCD with Asperger's, or OCD on its own, or been misdiagnosed with OCD when I actually have Asperger's but I have to say - I can relate. Whatever it is, I hope you don't mind if I stick around.

Other than all of that, I am a 22-year-old American gal (from Chicago) living in Dublin, Ireland (I married an Irishman, and yes, I married young). My interests are reading (obviously), writing, the Irish language (I am taking classes starting tomorrow), and the elderly. I have been working and/or volunteering with the elderly since the age of twelve, and currently work as a personal care assistant in the homes of elderly people. It is very interesting and rewarding work.

Welcome,
It sounds like you have done a lot of self exploration. A lot of us here are undiagnosed but we feel at home. Hope you too learn to feel at home.

I think it is great that you have such a supportive husband - that really helps. Do you like Ireland? We have talked of moving there because I too married and Irishman but much of his family is now here in Colorado and he does not want to leave them.

Y

My relationship with Ireland was rocky at first. I moved here in 2001 and found it very difficult to adjust to being away from everything I knew, culturally and weather-wise, as well as being far from my mother to whom I am very close. If you think you aren't affected by weather, think again! I used to be adamant about my love for rain, and kept reassuring my husband that I wouldn't mind the constant Irish drizzle, but I didn't realize how it would affect me until after I got here. It isn't exciting rain, and that is the problem - it's just drip. drip. drip. - I refer to it as Irish Water Torture.

It is growing on me, though. After all, my ancestry is Irish. We did live in England for two years and I really loved it there, and made a few good friends - I have found it much harder to make friends in Ireland for some reason, but I am finally carving my own niche in this place. I'm in Dublin but am hoping to move to Galway eventually.

Whereabouts in Ireland is your husband from?

welcome and mille failte to WP, Liadain

Vivi
(as Mod)

They are from somewhere around Cork. My husband is an American but he was raised in the Irish culture as they were recent arrivals in America but he was born on an American Naval base.

Go raibh mile maith agat!

Last edited by Liadain on 12 Sep 2005, 1:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Cork is lovely. I've been there many times and will hopefully be going again soon. We have friends who own a cottage in the mountains down there and it is the most beautiful place I've ever seen.

In that case I will have to at least pry Sean away from his lazy boy long enough to visit next time his family is headed out there. Or I could go without him.

Y

Go without him if you have to - I doubt you'll regret it!

No speech delay makes you more likely to be Asperger's than full autistic, but from what you said, I didn't see any evidence that you're not on the spectrum at all. I used to read like crazy too, at least a book a day, and I still much prefer writing to talking. I've always loved creative writing too, and I spend far more time chatting online to my friends than I do spending time with any of them in person.

I agree with Pyraxis.

I spoke at a normal age as well, and taught myself to read at the age of three. I would say that delayed speech would be more typical of being further along on the autism spectrum, although everyone is an individual.

I too have a 38 on the AQ scale, and will probably remain undiagnosed since, like you, I am an adult who would gain no benefit from being diagnosed.

Anyway, welcome. I'm sure you'll find this a likable place.

Thank you for the welcomes, folks. Pyraxis, thank you for clearing that up for me, and Litguy I also started reading at age three, but I cannot remember if I taught myself or if my parents taught me. My father probably did since he is the intellectual in the family and helped cultivate my love of both reading and writing.

So far I am finding this a very likeable place; I may not be very active for a while, though, because my work and class schedule is so busy at the moment, but I will try to check the recent posts every day.

Oiche mhaith agus codladh sámh ("Good night and sleep well" in Irish)! It might not be nighttime where you are, but let's pretend, shall we?