I don't usually post introductions first, but...

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...I figured that I should give a little info about myself.

My name is Miao, and I'm a Chinese-American college student in the United States. I chose the user name "chouchou" because I've always loved the Chinese legend of the "Butterfly Lovers", and I found that it means "butterfly" in Japanese. It also happened to be the pet name of Claude Debussy's daughter (albeit not capitalized), and I love Debussy's works for piano .

I've long suspected that there was something a little off about me, though my parents swear on and off that I'm normal.

1: I am absolutely mortified by the thought of calling people besides my parents or a couple of friends, and have this habit of turning on the radio or any source of music before calling someone.
2: I can't stand parties of any sort, or any place packed with people, but oddly I don't mind the mall that much.
3: I often don't notice when someone greets me or don't even know whether someone's talking to me or someone next to me.
4: I don't like to look anyone in the eyes--it makes me uncomfortable. I also try to look or walk away while people walk by.
5: I make very obvious and stereotyped facial expressions in class or in public places.
6: I relax when there's pressure on my chest, such as when I sleep face-down. Otherwise, I'm really fidgety.
7: I have conversations with myself...quite often. I'm almost mute while with others in real life, but I am extremely talkative online and in any place where there is no need for face-to-face encounters.
8: I'm obsessed with things out of my control, such as injustice and bigotry, and get worked up over them more often than I'd like to admit. This does interfere with my life as there's a lot of time spent worrying.
9: At the supermarket, I could spend over an hour comparing products' nutrition value, prices, etc. and generally being indecisive about what I want to buy.
10: I am passive-aggressive.
11: I don't actively seek out activities or groups to participate in, unlike most people I know who seek out cultural/ethnic groups on campus to join as soon as they enter college. I treasure time spent alone.

My parents mean well, of course, but I'm sure that they have refused to believe for a rather long time that there's anything wrong with me even though I tell them often that I just can't help what I'm doing. They are also dead set against me being prescribed any kind of medication from a psychiatrist. You know that with the Chinese, family honor is a huge deal...

So am I completely crazy and diagnosing myself with a disorder I don't have, or should I get this checked out? I'm tired of having my parents grow gray hairs over my social ineptitude.

Regardless of whether I fit the general description for any disorder (or two), I look forward to participating in the discussions on this message board. I have browsed the forums many times before, and found the discussions incredibly interesting .

Welcome to WrongPlanet, Miao!
I hope this forum can help you understand what you didn't know about yoursel and can comfort you throughout your tough times.

Welcome to WP!

Hi Miao, I'm Mark. Welcome to the Wrong Planet. I play a little Debussy, Clair de lune and the first arabesque. Not well, but I can get through them.

For the answer to this and other questions, spend a few months hanging out with us. I'm sure it'll become clear.

Nice to meet you, Miao.

Welcome

Man can I relate to this, but I figure that it is better to get worked up over it than not be affected at all.

Welcome to WrongPlanet and I hope you wil participate in some of our "incredibly interesting" discussions

Welcome chouchou, got the same issues.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Hi chouchou

welcome to WP.

From what you wrote here...it seems like you want to figure out why you are the way you are...right?
If you are over 18, then legally you are an adult and can do what you want. If you want a diagnosis, or to see a psychiatrist for any other reason...then you should.
I'm not Chinese, but I do know that for chinese families, honor is a huge deal as you said...but don't you also think that your own health is important, too? Anyway, just think about it.

Oh yea...and i hope you enjoy posting here.

Welcome and what a great introduction. Look forward to reading your posts and hope you find others helpful.
Enjoy!
Suzie

Thanks to all of you for your kindness!

Trying to get more insight to who I really am is definitely my main purpose in life right now, because I'm at a crossroads. I have to make some tough but important decisions soon.

My parents have always been concerned with my health, and have even encouraged me to see a school counselor here, but because they know little about the fields of psychology and psychiatry, they have certain fears. It's perfectly understandable, I think.

I guess it's partially my fault for putting off seeing a school psychologist because I keep telling myself that I'm doing self-diagnosis; I'm a psychology student, and those teachers tend to warn students not to diagnose themselves. I have many friends who took psychology courses and "diagnosed" themselves with all sorts of disorders even though it's pretty clear that they don't have any . The thing with me is that some of my issues have affected my life in a negative way, and my parents and I are all worried about my future career prospects. They've always said that they don't want to see me fail, and I don't want to let them down.

Well, it's easy to leave the country, but not easy to leave the culture behind . Funny thing is, my parents are rather liberal compared to all of the Chinese-American parents I've met. More than anything, they want me to be satisfied and happy with my life, and have largely let me choose what I wanted to do.

welcome