Asperger's Syndrome...A Gift???

Post Reply New Topic

Hi, just want to start off by saying that this is an informative website and I enjoy being part of it. I feel better about myself knowing theres other people out there just like me.

Growing up I knew that I was a different person from many other kids. It wasnt that noticable during elementary school, but it started to become clearer once I entered junior high school. I started noticing that the other kids were more interactive and social with each other while I was more reserved and quite. I actually wasnt that quite becuase I had alot more friends back then. Whenever I came to school before classes started there was a click for me to hang out with, and there also wasnt much problem during lunch time either. There was always a table for me to sit at and hang out with friends. During this time I also noticed that I had little trouble pronouncing words, processing between my left and right, and I stuttered a little here and there.

It wasnt until high school that I noticed how good I had it my previous years. I actually had a social life. Not the most social, but much better than today. It wasnt only in school but at home also with the neighborhood kids. I would always hear adults telling us to enjoy our high school years becuase its going to be the best and most memorable time of our lives. Im sure itll be memorable but not the best for me. Every year was a new school and neighborhood, and it became harder for me to make friends. Once the school bus dropped us off at school before classes started I had nobody to hangout with. Same with lunch. I would just hurry up and eat my food then go stand outside somewhere until the bell rung. Im embarressed to say this, but there were numerous occassions I would hide just so I wouldnt have to interact with people. I pretty much loathed social activites like field trips and group projects. When people see Troy they say hes shy. Personally, thats not true at all. I just dont know what to say to people to keep conversations going. Theres was one and only one event I was able to have a constant conversation back and forth with an old friend of mine. We were laughing and having so much fun, and that was the best time and feeling I've ever had in my life. It felt like I won the lottery.

Well, to get to the point. Do you see AS as a gift more than a social disability unlike me. How has it helped in your life? Is there any possible way to naturally become social like so many other people? Ive bought three or four books so far teaching me how to build confidence, make small talk, and build rapport with anybody. I havent been able to apply what I learned yet, so thats why I joined this website. All your comments are appreciated.

Last edited by troyzz on 17 Jul 2004, 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.

One of the people I like to be around says that we are more spiritually advanced that other people - in that we are able to see the connections between things that other people can't see . . . and she genuinely seems to believe that . . . but I'm not 100% sure that I do . . .

As for me in terms of suffering - I hate that I've never ever had a normal social relationship, but at the same time I am very glad to know why now . . .

I love this site, too!

Troy, I find it difficult to correspond with people my age in person, but I actually didn't mind school, (I graduated high school in 1996).

I was very quiet in school, probably even more so than many of you here that have Asperger's Syndrome. I was very talkative among my parents and four siblings (three brothers and sister, all older than me) when I got home. I wouldn't mind having friends, but at the same time don't feel comfortable with those my age plus and minus a say three to five years. Also, I live with my parents in a retirement community that allows 19+ year olders to live with those over 55 years of age.

I do believe that those of us with AS are gifted individuals. However, to me it is more difficult to realize what my gift is/gifts are -- My interests include Meteorology, [U.S.] Geography {as I see you do, as well} , statistics and broadcasting, (not the literal communications part of the field, but the anchors, reporters and television schedules, I am not much of a TV watcher, though, and television station logos). I can see, in a way, these interests could "indicate my gifts" at times, but as I mentioned it apparently is more evident to those around me... family (first and foremost immediate family and some members of my extended family, [which is very large]).

I always love learning about Geography, World History, and Economics unlike many other kids. The thing was that I didnt really have to study much to do well in class, but just listen to the teacher explain the lessons. I heard for those who dont pay attention in class, if you just maintain eye contact with the teacher during lecture and you listen, your grade in class would go up one letter.

Math was ok, I was always a B student when report cards came out. Even though I felt it was boring sometimes, once I figured out the lesson I started to really enjoy doing math problems. Just keep me AWAY from proofs. Oh God

i always thought AS was a bit like spiderman- both a gift and a curse

I have discovered AS recently, and I am not entirely sure if I have it or not, although it is probable. (I just take AS as a serious matter, a label that should not be affixed at whim.) However, assuming that I have it, I would regard it definitely as both a negative and positive thing. I am still trying to figure it out, but as I see it now, I think that AS took my intuition away and gave me logic. (Intuition = ability to understand something without reasoning.) Without intuition I can't get all these unwritten rules of the society and that makes me a loner (a simplification, of course). On the other hand, logic makes me good with mathematical sciences, computers etc. What is easy for most people, is difficult for me, and what is difficult for most people, is easy for me. Linear algebra? Yummy! Smalltalk? Grrr... still learning. In my opinion the important thing for everyone is to find their talent and use it.

Thanks for the welcome. I am logged in here as I am an ASPIE-MOM...My husband and I really love to gain some understanding about what's going on in the inside. My son is 10 and has been diagnosed since he was 4....we definitely see AS as a gift. We read a lot and I work with a friend who's son is also AS.....our AS children will bring us quantum leaps into the future with their gifts....as you can imagine, AS doesn't show up without some breadcrumbs in the family forest. My husband and I both see ourselves and our relatives as AS-tendencies.

I am so grateful to see this sight,,,,hang in there, kids. Growing up is tough.

Yeah, you know what they say:

With Great Power comes Great Responsibility

Welcome, troyzz. Glad to have you onboard.

On the social part, in my experience, I've made many mistakes. But I had to, in order to learn from them. Many social misunderstandings which led to great, deep friendships later in the timeline are funny to laugh about now. Of course there was much awkwardness at the time. I find things like my interest in pop culture helps me out, as well as a dynamic personality I've cultivated over time. You don't have to fake anything you don't want to. But in life, there may be some places you are uncomfortable "dipping your toes into the water" at first, so to speak -- but after the initial "coldness", the more you do it the more you may end up enjoying it! Observe talk show hosts, standup comedians, and magicians with good patter (ways of warming up the audience) and other such personalities. They are benchmarks for "how to get along" publically.

troyzz, i can really relate; i guess im in kinda a similar situation. in primary school i was friends with everyone and no one. that is, i always had other kids to play with during lunch + recess, but never formed any strong enough friendships to do the normal kid stuff, eg going to a friends house on the weekend, sleepovers etc. i didnt play any sport at all (a common Asperger's trait, or so I've read), so that medium of making friends with other boys was denied me. interestingly I was not in the least bit lonely; i was totally content with my general but not specific friendships, and at home I sort of made my own world out of comic books. in high school i made some proper friends, and doing normal kid stuff with them (eg sleepovers staying up eating candy and playing nintendo 64) was the happiest time of my life. however i never felt a true sense of comradreship with them because i didn't play sport with them at lunchtime. as time has gone on ive drifted apart from them as they've started to do the normal teenager thing of going to parties and socialising, which i'm of course incapable of doing. i know that if i had been able to play sport my childhood (especially high school) would have been infinitely more happier; i was a naturally exuberant child, and the other kids tended to take a liking to me, but my inability to play sport prevented me from forming concrete bonds of friendship. the one thing i wanted (and still want) was mates, comrades, brothers.

my Asperger's 'gift' is that can manipulate language very well, so i generally do quite well at history and english. but the trade off is physical and social ineptitude. would i trade it for normality? in a heartbeat.

do you have an obvious Asperger's 'gift'? why did your family move neighbourhoods so much? that must have sucked. did you move on to college? this is my last year of high school and i guess the next logical step is to move on to university, but im quite apprehensive about having to figure out a new social environment.

You should tell your son to participate in the site! We have lots of kids his age here and I'm sure he'd benifit from interacting with others who share so many experiences/situations/feelings. Welcome to our site, I'm glad you like it!

Hello! I really like your little avatar, in a way he's kinda goodlookin, you know. do you look like him?

I agree with the 'gift and curse' thing, but I woudn't want to change who I am to be NT. I would like to be NT for a day just to see how different it is.

All of my friends are NT and we really aren't that different. They usually ask me questions like, 'How do I look?' because they know I will give them an honest answer, sometimes a little too honest. Also, whenever they have any questions about Harry Potter (my current obsession) they always come to me.

Because of my honesty, my NT friends love when I tell off people they don't like. I'll just say what comes to mind, and I have the guts to say stuff most of my NT friends don't.

We should value our honesty, that (in my opinion) is an important gift.

I can understand this quote only because the only time I've been sad in my life, has been when I don't meet up or compare with NT standards. I can never seem to talk as easily as they do or make friends as seemingly efortlessly as they do. Life (it seems) is not as difficult or constantly stressful for the Neuro-Typical at least nothing like what I've had to deal with. When I'm in a group of people, I've always felt like I was on the outside, looking in on their lives....while my life was so odd, so foreign, so different from theirs. I tried "Pretending" to be like them. Mimicking everything I could of their "Normal Life" but, in my eyes, I was always falling short and felt like I was a fake, so empty on the inside, never thinking about my own likes and dislikes....thinking only of what others would see. It was only after I had quit trying to "fit in" and "pretend to be normal" that I saw Autism as the gift it was.

I have many interests that just aren't interesting to anyone else but me, but that's okay. I also do not have the ability to be constantly around others (it's just too darn exhausting)....but that's okay, too. I am much happier now, no longer depressed.

Things can get hard sometimes. Life can be challenging, difficult and sometimes almost unbearable. I really think of life itself now, like a huge video game. Which one would you rather play? The incredibly easy game that you could play almost with your eyes closed? That's no fun! Or are you the type that likes a challenge? Do you like to see just how far you can get....even with all the difficult stuff coming your way? To me, that's more enjoyable, more fulfilling. I see more detail in life than I could ever see as a NT. It's a definate gift.