Hi, newbie & brief story

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This is my first serious post to this forum. I planned to lurk for a while until I felt comfortable and ready to say something usefull, but an event today changed my mind. I guess I am comfortable already. Reading the posts of others is quite a revelation to me!!

I thought it may be usefull to share this experience. I have learnt over the years many ways to deal with social situations, but always there is the ever present danger of being "left fielded". Caught unawares when I least expect it. Today was such a day.

I ride and race bicycles. Four training sessions a week of very hard riding with a group - 20 or so riders on Mon, Wed, & Fri, and about 100 riders on Sat. Now, hard group riding is aspie heaven for reasons I can describe later, if anyone is interested. Halfway through our Wed ride we stop for coffee and there is much conversation and noise for 30 minutes or so, catching up with gossip, who's doing what to who, etc (the last two days of news!! !). I can deal with this, just, and usually focus on one conversation and try not to initiate anything. By only reacting to the conversation flow I can get away with appearing nt and stay part of the group, who are a really good bunch of guys and girls.

Today we had rider with us, Rabbit we call him, who we haven't seen for a couple of months. Turns out he was in a big bunch crash on one of the "one day classic" road races and took all this time to recover. He sat beside me and I found myself talking to him about the crash - the usuall, ask lots of questions, nod appropriately, and let him hold the floor - it has always worked. Then he asked me about a huge crash I was involved in at a track carnival 3 weeks ago. I missed most of the carnage, but 15 riders went down and 6 ambulances took away the wounded. I kept the story brief, just one or two minutes, certainly no longer than my reply to any other of my friends who have asked. Halfway through Rabbit turns to me and says, "...this is such a long story, you should write a book about it...", at which he gets up and leaves, and I'm left sitting in a hole!! ! No warning, at least none that I was capable of figuring.

After coffee one of the other riders asks, "what did you do to upset rabbit?". The best reply I could come up with was "...rabbit seems to have very short attention span...". Nothing more was said. Incident finished for everyone else. As usuall I will feel "out of sorts" for the rest of the day, slightly embarrassed, a little more protective of myself and a whole lot quieter. I'll get over it, I know that, and it will happen again, when I least expect it. I really do not understand how these guys think. He asked the question so I supposed he wanted to know the answer - clearly not!! !

The Mon/Wed/Fri group I have known for a long time and they are a good bunch of guys. I guess I will never know whether I actually fit in with them or whether they are so decent that they accomodate me. Such are the mysteries of life.

Welcome Ozbiker

Be yourself and make yourself at home..

Hi and welcome ozbiker to the "right" Planet

Nice to meet you, ozbiker.

Heya fellow aussie,

can't say much for the conversation issue. I'm at a loss myself most of the time.

Welcome to the forum anyhow.

Don't take his inability to converse and listen too personal...it was Dale Carnegie who said a great conversationalist is a good
listener.

Many times when people say hello and ask, "How are you"...they really don't care. Just don't let his rudeness affect your well being, it is his problem and not yours.

Welcome to WP!

Welcome Ozbiker!

To WrongPlanet!! !

I too am an avid cyclist, but not racing, solo touring and riding "Rail Trails" is my fun.

Welcome ozbiker,

How long did rabbit talk about his crash 1-2 minutes?

There are some shallow people out there who only like to talk about themselves - rabbit is probably one of them.

Don't worry about him - he'll get over it.

welcome. I cycle practically everyday

Hi all. thanks for the replies. Special hi to the cyclists. I too do a lot of solo touring - a kind of high speed, lightweight, long distance touring called Audax. It's a very solitary activity, especially at 1am on a lonely country road, 20 hours into a brevet, when all you can hear is your own breathing, the tyres on the road, and all the creatures in the forest beside the road.
Rabbit's not such a bad guy. I just let my guard down and got caught. Of the small group I ride with, there's and even smaller group that I can feel comfortable around. These guys accomodate me somehow and I have no idea how, but it works and I do not feel threatened by them - I actually hold these guys in high regard for this ability. With the others, including rabbit, I always feel just a bit vulnerable and unable to relax, but that does not mean they are bad fellows.
One thing I have noticed is that the good guys give me clear signals that I can understand. Example - T (not his real name) tells me he cannot remove the gear cluster from his bike and would like to learn how. I tell him I can show him how, though he already knows this anyway. He asks a few questions and I drag out the toolbox ready to show him right away. T is gentle - he appreciates the offer but would rather we did the demo at a time more suitable for him, and even proposes a time. Problem solved - clear as crystal.
Other guys will let it happen, get bored after one minute, and just turn away to another conversation without warning. I have learnt that with these types it is best not to offer - if they want something then they can ask, and even then it is risky. I still misidentify them more often than not.
Finding the good guys is difficult and painfull, and when I do I like to keep them. A small group of friends is just fine for me, especially a group that makes it clear what each person's role is and accepts each person's differences. T is the leader and make jokes at others expense without anyone taking offense. V is the group policeman - break a road rule and answer to V. Everyone has a role. When they want technical answers they ask me. The good guys listen and I feel usefull - maybe they are bored to death - I have no idea, but they certainly do not show it and never discuss it.
'Nuff said. Just a couple of my experiences that may benefit someone else.
cheers

FYI. T is a retired army RSM. Guys like this just seem to have what it takes - they say and do anything they like and everyone just has a laugh and no one feels threatened.

Hi ozbiker,

welcome to WP.

I don't know if it's just me...but I don't think that there is anything wrong with speaking for 1-2 minutes about a crash if someone asks. And them for Rabbit to say that it's a LONG story and then become upset.....it all just seems a bit odd to me.
Anyway, I hope you enjoy posting here.

Hi ozbiker,Greetings fellow Aussie
I'm on the Gold Coast, Queensland,
hope you enjoy WP!
You inspire me to get fit again.
WP has made me fat!

Welcome