Hi!
So, like the title says, I think I might be an Aspie. I'll be seeing my GP soon for a referral to a psych, but I'm not going to mention why. I'm already on anti-depressants so asking for a referral won't seem weird at all.
I had originally self-diagnosed myself with schizoid personality disorder (there's a link to Wikipedia if you're interested). That tends to overlap with most of the Aspie social issues, which at this stage of my life are my biggest issues.
I have a physical disability, so I'm technically classed as Special Education, although I never needed a spec of help academically (not that there's anything wrong with that). I did exceedingly well in elementary school, then settled comfortably into "well above average" in high school.
My elementary school didn't have much of a Special Ed department, and the only student with an ASD was a younger boy who I think was autistic, who I saw maybe three times in total.
Anyway, I was always asocial. I just had no interest in the other kids, because I wasn't interested in playing. I used to watch a lot of TV back then, but I'd mostly just pretend to watch while I disappeared inside my head. However, i did have a set pattern of shows I would watch which would last me from just after I got home until dinner. Sometimes the various channels would change their schedules, and I would feel upset that this arbitrary and seemingly useless act had thrown my plans off.
There was more than that in terms of Aspie habits, but it's mostly boring, standard stuff. I had a couple of Things (I prefer calling them that rather than obsessions or interests), the most obvious that I remember at the time being weather/meteorology, though it eventually died. I also gradually realized that my behaviour was vastly different from that of the other kids, and I eventually learned to hide it.
At school I generally paid attention, or pretended to while I daydreamed. Either way, I absorbed information. The fact that I had a physical disability worked to my advantage too; I wasn't forced to give presentations, was allowed to work alone on group work, and wasn't questioned when I decided not to bother going out at recess. It probably helped my Aspie traits fly under the radar.
There was one instance where it really hit me that I just didn't 'get' the whole social thing. Someone walked by and said "what's up?" To this day I still don't know how to respond when someone says that out of the blue. I can answer it in the context of a conversation, but not when it's just random like that. I mean, is it a greeting? a question? WHAT?
By the time I left elementary school I had blocked all that from my memory and established myself as the generic "really smart loner" type.
I went to a high school with a large Special Ed department, although I don't remember seeing any people who I knew were Aspies. I did learn of it though, but basically my understanding was that it was like "light autism" with an all-consuming focus on a single narrow subject. I figured it would be something incredibly obvious and easily spotted.
It was only a few days ago I randomly decided to look at it again. At first I dismissed it. Then I thought of my childhood, and all the pieces just sort of snapped together.
That worries me though, because it almost seems too simple. I fear I might be suffering a confirmation bias. I'm also worried because I learned to hide most of this pretty well, so I don't know if I would come across as an Aspie. Then from that stems the fear that I might be subconsciously creating something that isn't there.
I also know that my family would fight this. I'm hoping they don't need to be involved with the process, and if they must be then I'm probably not going to go through with it. Really, I only want a professional opinion one way or the other so that I'll know if my theory is right or not. The problem is that I really do think that it is.
So, since I suck at fluidly ending posts, I might as well abruptly shift into question mode:
Once one is referred to a psychiatrist, how does the diagnosis process usually go? Should I tell them my theory, or just (oh God...) go with the flow and see what they come up with? Is there some kind of test that might avoid my psychological biases?
Oh, and do you think whoever it is that I see will think I'm too verbose?
08 Apr 2008, 8:25 pm
welcome to WP (that's not White Phosphorus or Willy Peter either...
