Hello all,
Although I have not been formally diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome, I am firmly convinced I have it. I read a first person account of what having AS is like and I thought, "My God, she could be describing me!" I have since researched AS (those of you with similar AS as me will know what I mean when I say "research"; that is to say I found out every little detail about it) and taken a seemlingly detailed aspie quiz online. All the pointers indicate AS.
I have made an appointment with a professional, but it is merely for confirmation. I want to know for sure, even though I know for sure, if that makes any sense.
I have always thought I was just "weird" and that if I could just try harder or learn something more or expose myself to more social situations, I could work it out and become "normal." I tried for years, and was able to emulate NT behavior fairly well. I was still labeled "weird" or "stiff" or even asked, "Are you an undercover cop?" I had just about given up on figuring it all out when my wife (yes, I am married to a beautiful, *understanding* and *patient* woman--I am lucky) sent me the cnn web article. I now know that I am not "normal" pathologically. I can take a different tack now, good news to be sure.
Looking back on my life, I can see where AS has been with me the whole time. 36 years of thinking I was just hopelessly unable to be like everyone else. Those of you diagnosed with AS as adults know what I mean. It was a kind of happy yet sad occasion. I guess I could sum it up by saying "Well, that explains a lot."
AS explains a lot of my quirks, not to mention the social aspects of AS. Here is a very abridged list:
Hyperfocusing on a certain subject and then learning all I can about it. The internet has made this easier to do yet harder to deal with.
My obsession with certain things. I know it is weird. The wife never understood my passion for the right gym socks.
My complete inability to have some things or substances touching me. Lotions for instance. I cannot stand it. I can not even stand to put sunscreen lotion on myself or my wife, and I love touching her. Thank God for bullfrog non lotion sunscreen.
I cannot stand some foods. Yellow cheese is one of them. White cheese is fine, but yellow--now way! I have to keep it away from my taste buds. I have quite a few foods like that. There is a marked difference between my AS-inspired aversion to some things and simple dislike. I dislike liver but not the same way I cannot stand cheese. Also, I can taste things in food others can't. A lot of the time I can even tell you exactly what spices/seasonings went into the food. My wife will ask me, "What is missing in this dish", quite frequently.
Some smells make me react physically. A subset of those smells are very intense. Sometimes I react positively, other times negatively depending on the smell. Some make me feel almost euphoric, others make ill, angry, nervous or just uncomfortable.
I get sensory overload sometimes and I have to retreat from the situation, either mentally or physically. Even the grocery store can be tough. NTs do not understand.
I promised a short list, but I could go on. And on. And on. These are just a few. I always knew they seemed irrational to other people, but I also knew they were very real needs/problems for me.
Finding out about the existence of AS has been interesting, to say the least. I am still grappling with the fact that I am autistic. I have a nephew that is profoundly autistic. I have seen the movie Rainman. I am not like that. Well, it seems autism has many flavors. Mine just happens to be more subtle, more vanilla, if you will.
An NT friend of mine and I were talking about AS and the social aspects of it became clearer to both of us. He said, "I see a social situation like a garden; I walk around planting seeds that I can later harvest friendships from." To which I responded, "I see social situations like structure fires; try to keep the whole thing from burning down around me and try not to get hurt in the process." I like the metaphor and think I'll keep it. :)
Anyway, I'll stop now. Thank you all for conributing to this site.
Hello, my name is Mark, and I have Asperger Syndrome (I am pretty sure.)