Newly diagnosed and not feeling good about it

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I'm 24 years old and I was recently diagnosed with Aspergers. Around fall, I fell into depression that wouldn't go away and eventually decided I had to find out if I had it or not. Well I do, but I don't know what to actually DO with this label. All I know is that I've never had a girlfriend, I can't make friendships that last longer than a few years, and I can't get people to take any interest in me. I get talked over and interupted about half the time I speak and I'm never comfortable around people, even if its just one other person, even if its someone I know really well. My cell phone will be completely silent for days; not even the few friends I have really seem to care all that much about me enough to call and ask me to do things. I experience a lot of anxiety when trying to decide what to say to people around me, especially new people (I could barely work up the nerve to type this).

I've tried not to through a pity party for myself because my life seems crappy; I'm on antidepressants right now, but I don't know if I'll be able to continue getting medication because I have no insurance. I used to like myself because I was smart, nice, and never gave people problems. But I've only recently realized how low my opinion of myself is; I even have thoughts of how worthless I am and how theres no good reason for me to be alive. It doesn't help at all that no one I know takes Aspergers seriously; everyone I mention it to shrugs it off as it being something thats all in my head. I don't know what to do anymore.

You are the same person that you always were. . .a diagnosis of any kind does not change this. Think of times in the past when you were happy. What made you happy then?

Maybe it's not good to rely on antidepressants anyway.

Oh and other people can't determind if you are a good person or not even though it's easy to rely on their approval.

I'll bet you are a good person

It gets better. It does. You are at a very difficult age. Are you able to get therapy? If so, you could
do some problem solving with your therapist to help you figure out how and where to develop friendships.
Don't get too down on yourself. Even people who don't have an autism related dx have shortcomings and
relationship problems.

You can get through this. There are places where you can get meds for free, as well. Call up charity
clinics and get in to talk with their case managers and someone will be able to get funding for your medicine.

Keep posting here and you will at least get online support.

Thanks for replying. I don't have many people to talk to about this.

I am a good person; I know that because I try to treat everyone the way I want to be treated, and it works. Everyone I know has a smile for me and is nice in return. But I must be doing something wrong because I keep failing at everthing in life because of the way I relate to people. I feel really alone.

awe, thanks.

Welcome to WP!

Jainaday and Dudeofthedead . . .firstly Jainaday . . .an inspired post and one that helped me this morning.I agree with so much of what you say, it's stuff I know I know, but I get sucked in by negativity, as a response to contact with society usually and I forget this stuff I know. Thanks so much for reminding me . . .
Dudeofthedead, you may well be feeling lousy, but you are definitely not alone.
I was diagnosed around 18 months ago.I guess I am around 9 or 19 in my head but I have been alive for 53 years and struggling to survive on this planet. I am still probably going through similar things to yourself and can relate to much of what you say.I have tried to get help here in Ireland, but with no success, so I stand entirely alone . .I cant bow out of this life gracefully, though there are certainly times when it seems like the sanest option because I have a child who depends on me entirely, who also has Aspergers. A tough call . . .with no support.
Lately I want to live in a cupboard, but obviously can't.Or become non verbal . . .but can't. Or live in a wood in isolation . . .but I can't.
Be naked mostly . ..but can't
Never see another another human . . .but I can't
live in a world without the sounds of man . . .but I can't
you all know I could go on . . . .sometimes it can be difficult to get a clear focus on the positives of Aspergers, being an Autistic , I believe it helps to communicate with lots of other Aspies, as it helps to get a clearer more objective perspective on the reality of both the Autistic state and the Neurotypical.
I would suggest that you spend a lot of time here on the Wrong Planet. A sanctuary in times of need and there is always someone, usually lots of folk here who know the kind of feelings you are struggling with , care and will be there for you, no matter how you are feeling and no matter how weird the neurotypical society around you makes you feel.
There is a place where it's okay to show who you really are and to say what you think and feel . . .and that's here.
This is a place where people are relieved that you have aspergers too. . . .no one dislikes or rejects you because of it, and your positive qualities are recognised and appreciated.
Your diagnosis is the beginning of a journey and the first few miles can be a bit tricky , but then you land here and you realise that you aren't walking alone . . . .

I used to cry all the time, nearly constantly.

What do you think is the cause of the "lost job, lost relationships" thing?

Thanks for your imput tigerlily. I relate to a lot of the things that you were saying; its hard for me to identify even my own emotions and feelings a lot of the time so it helps to have someone put it in terms that I can relate to.

I have always managed to get very good jobs that pay well and have excellent benefits. I work hard and get respect from coworkers in that regard. But after about a year or so I start to get reluctant to go to work. I don't know why it is exactly (I've only recently started to examine this) but I do know that I get really unsatisfied or unfufilled with the work and workplace relationships.

I think its the same with the friends I've had. Its not that they go away from me in disgust or anything; I just stop associating with them over time and move on to a new circle. I usually have one main friend that I choose to spend time with, but I can't say that I feel I've ever had a best friend. I think its the same as my jobs. I don't think I've found fulfillment in any of the relationships I've forged. I know these things are my fault, but I can't seem to change. I'm trying to be patient though.

Hmm I can relate to this . . .it's like one of those ice lollies, the fruit ice ones. It's like I suck out all the juice and flavour and colour so that all there is left is plain ice, so then I lose interest and chuck it away.
Maybe it's a case of 'been there, done that . . .'
I guess that, like me , you are intelligent and have an inquisitive nature . . .you like to find out things, learn new stuff. After a while, with people or situations, you feel that you have discovered most of what there is to know so you lose interest, people pick up on that I guess and employers too. Maybe you need to acknowledge that you have a nomadic spirit, where's the harm in that?
Lead your life accordingly and celebrate your spirit of adventure instead of grieving for what you are not . .

Welcome home dude