New here and incidentally, to Asperger's as well

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Hello. My name is Matt Hocker. I'm 22 years old and live in Palmyra, PA, right next to the town of Hershey. I've come to your site, as I've recently had a "self-awareness" check and am 99.9% positive that I have Asperger's and have had it all my life. I had never considered it before, probably because of the stereotypes the media put out there. But I've never felt like I fit in or was "normal."

I'm a Junior in College majoring in history, and since I transferred from a community college to a highly respected private college in the fall (LVC), and since then the stress and the pressure on me have felt enormous. I have always been so meticulous but always worry that what I have isn't good/sufficient enough. I'd always have a ton of reading to do and it took me what seemed forever, but I got a 4.0 last semester. This past spring I blew my entire Easter break away working on two political science take-home essay exams that I thought would only take me, at most, two days. I've often had trouble sleeping in the past because when I worry about something it often gets in the way of my sleep. Well, I kept having so much difficulty and kept thinking over and over, "if it took me that long to do those exams, how am I ever going to do the 3 research papers I have, have time to study, and do the take-home finals on top of that?" I've always thought things like that, but finally this time it resulted in a meltdown. I went in school intent on dropping out, but thankfully my German Professor convinced me to talk to one of the deans, who then referred me to student disabilities. I had gone to the doctor the day before that about my sleeping problem, and he gave me something for anxiety. In addition to that, the Dr. in student disabilities pointed out my obsessive compulsive issues.

Eventually, by chance one of my friends at the school revealed to me that she battled with OCD and is still taking stuff for it. I thought maybe that was my problem so I did some research on the internet and eventually came across Asperger's. I'm telling you when I was looking at a lot of the symptoms it was an epiphany for me, almost like looking in the mirror. It really explained a lot of my life. I always knew I was kind of "odd." Whenever I collected something, I always felt compelled to do so much research on the subject, often spending hours in any given day on my own. Same rang true with my hobby of Lego building. I'd be content to sit alone in the house all day building away or doing more research on the company. When I would talk to people, especially my friends and family today, I would often go on and on about these hobbies.

I've always been really socially awkward, especially in conversation. When I was in first grade, I remember they had me going to a speech therapist, and I still often have trouble articulating myself and with stuttering. I really avoid eye contact when out in public because it doesn't feel right, and because sometimes I'm afraid the other people might think I'm starring at them. There is so much more, and I could go on and on about it but I'll stop there.

Anyway, I finally emailed the psychologist in student disability services and asked her about the possibility of me having Asperger's. Although she didn't tell me when I first met her, she said that she actually thought I struck her as someone with AS when she first met me. She also apparently specializes in Asperger's, so that pretty much sealed it for me in my mind. I'm not paying $1000 for a diagnosis when I've pretty much figured it out on my own. I've also been able to kind of figure out some other people who probably have it, and I can especially tell that my dad has it...but he won't listen to me on that one.

A little about myself:
As I mentioned, I'm a history major, as that is one of my area's of interest. I'm just not too sure where I'm going with it. I was going to go for teaching secondary education but decided against it. I actually started getting the idea in my head about antique appraisal since antiques (especially toys) have always been one of my narrow interests. I've also been told that I write well (though this post might not look the part), so doing something with that would be nice too.

Now for my favorite interest, that of Lego building. I've been going strong since I was 4, and I think I am rather good. I tend to get just as meticulous with my building as my papers. In particular, I love making town stuff and electric trains. I've made some pretty well known cars like the Ecto 1 from Ghostbusters, the Delorean from Back to the Future, and the old Adam West Batmobile. Currently, I'm working on a detailed Civil War battle scene that I hope to display at a convention in Illinois this summer. It'll have a creek (complete with clear blue tile pieces and clear red for blood) with a bridge, a Confederate campsite, a burning bullet hole ridden building with flickering lights, lots of nice landscaping, and around 160 or so soldiers (if I can fit them all in there). And I also like to write about my hobby. I submitted an article about counterfeit Lego to an adult Lego enthusiast magazine called BrickJournal, and the editor said that he'd like to run my article! So I'm pretty happy about that. If you'd like to take a look, I'll post a link to pictures of my models as soon as I have those posting privileges.

Additionally, I'm a philosophically minded person and am very interested in world cultures. Where I work, we get a lot of international students in the summer and they are some of the nicest people in the world. I think one of the reasons why I get along so well with them is because I can identify with them, since they are in a foreign environment where they often are misunderstood (verbally and culturally). I think that is why they tend to gravitate toward me and often come to me before anyone else.

As far as the arts go, I enjoy all kinds of music, but I tend to stray away from current American mainstream stuff. I love a variety of genres, but my favorite bands are Apocalyptica, Nightwish, Sonata Arctica, Symphony X, and Kamelot. I also like a lot of films, my all time favorite being Jurassic Park. A lot of stuff based on history of course. I've also found myself getting into a lot of foreign films lately such as Der Untergang (The Downfall), Joeaux Noel, and films by Akira Kurusawa.

I also am blessed with a great family, but of course there is much, much more to me than all of this. But I'd better stop while I'm ahead. Anyway, it is nice to meet you all, and I look forward to posting here more.

Matt

Hi Matt, Welcome to WP

Does it really cost a 1000 to get diagnosed even with insurance?

Nice to meet you, Matt.

Welcome to WP!

Hi, Matt!

Welcome to Wrongplanet!

I hope you enjoy posting here!

Hi Matt. Welcome to WP.

Thanks for the welcome, everybody! I appreciate it.

You are very welcome!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to WrongPlanet.

Welcome to WrongPlanet. :O)