Don't know what I am.

Post Reply New Topic

Okay, um, where to start...

As of present, I'm still undiagnosed. All my life I've always had the feeling that I was weird somehow, but I didn't have any idea why, and then about several months ago, I first found out about AS and it was the first thing I had ever come across that described me so well... I did a lot of research, and got about 80-90% convinced that I was an Aspie, but then I told my mother about it.

She found the whole idea ridiculous, and thought that if I was 'smart enough' to think I had AS, then I couldn't possibly have it. According to her, I was just gifted (I'm in my country's gifted programme), which was why I 'think differently', and that I also happened to be very shy. I told her about a bunch of Aspie traits that I had, but she explained all of them away, and said that it just seemed to describe a gifted kid to her.

She concedes that there's a thin line (what is it?) between giftedness and autism, but she didn't think I had it because if there was really 'something wrong' with me, she and my father would have recognised it long ago (I'm 16 now), or a teacher would have said something about it.

(Technically, I qualify for AS under the DSM-IV and several other diagnostic criteria, but my mother doesn't think too highly of people who go online and start diagnosing themselves for all sorts of things.)

Then I was surfing around Wikipedia for AS and found this under 'gifted children':

"These children are characterized by high reasoning ability, creativity, curiosity, a large vocabulary, and an excellent memory. They often learn to read early and can master a subject with few repetitions. They are also often very physically and emotionally sensitive, perfectionistic, and frequently question authority. They often perceive their teachers as their peers or even as inferior to themselves. Some have trouble relating to their age peers because of differences in vocabulary size (especially in the early years), personality, and interests, and so they prefer the company of older children or adults. Gifted children, especially gifted boys, are also more likely to have autistic tendencies or even Asperger's syndrome (a form of autism with good language skills). This may develop into High-Functioning Autism (HFA) later in life.

"It is common for a gifted child to be picked on at school, as they are usually socially retiring. Though some suspect a correlation between giftedness and Social Anxiety Disorder, there is no research basis for this suspicion. The causality of such a suspicion (whether giftedness and a socially retiring nature causes SAD, or vice versa, or whether there is just a high "co-morbidity") is also unclear. Many gifted children turn out to be the computer geeks (a compliment) and scientists of society, as well as talented engineers, mathematicians, musicians and just about anything else they decide to turn their hand to — they can succeed extremely well at whatever they are actually interested in.

"Some gifted children with heightened sensory awareness may seem overly sensitive to sight, sound, smell and touch — they may be extremely uncomfortable when they have a wrinkle in their sock, or unable to concentrate because of the sound of a clock ticking on the other side of the room. Gifted children are often bothered by the seams in socks and tags on clothes, which is a part of the heightened sensory awareness. Hypersensitivity to external stimuli can be said to resemble a proneness to "sensory overload," which can cause persons to avoid chaotic and crowded environments.

"Others, however, are able to tune out any unwanted distractions as they focus on a task or on their own thoughts, and seem to seek and thrive on being in the midst of lots of activity and stimulation. In many cases, activities awareness may fluctuate between conditions of hyperstimulation and conditions of withdrawal.

"Some may find these conditions similar to symptoms of hyperactivity, bipolar disorder, conditions in the Autistic Spectrum, etc."

So... uh, I don't really know where this puts me. My mother insists I'm normal, and I am this the person who once wandered off during a party to sit on the kitchen counter and count the number of tiles on the floor... (there were 97.) But I don't feel normal... I've never fit in, somehow, even in my gifted class. And it gets worse when I'm with other schoolmates I don't know so well; I'm in the school band in an all girls school, and earlier this year there was a competition which we didn't do as well in as we had hoped. After it, all my bandmates were all bunching together in groups and crying and hugging and everything, while I was just standing apart from them and feeling very awkward. They all probably thought I was some insensitive brat, but I just didn't feel comfortable with the idea of joining them, so I just sort of spaced out where I was. Everything all seemed kind of muted, like I wasn't really there...

According to my mother, I just need to mix more with others, keep track of the kind of things they're interested in, wear the same kind of clothes, etc. But I just want to be myself.

Sorry for the long post... needed to get it out. I would appreciate any help... Thanks.

you sound aspie to me. The comment your mother made was rude and hurtful, just to tell you. We ARE smart, and many smart people do consider that they have AS. I'll just go so more productive posts can be posted here.

Hey! Look at me! I'm gifted!! ! Because you and that definition sure sound just like me.

So how come I wouldn't study in high school or as an undergrad and got such mediocre grades despite my quite high IQ? (in the 150's).

That whole definition sounded like Asperger's Syndrome to me (it even admits as much, about half way through).

And, you sound like an aspie. Your mother just considers one "different" to be good and the other "different" to be bad.

They are neither; they are just different.

Stick around.

The line between "gifted" and "Aspie" is so incredibly fuzzy because gifted is so poorly defined and many Aspies are gifted as well. Plus, some definitions make out "gifted" to be some kind of diagnosable disorder or something when it's just a very broad description of someone smart and/or talented.

I think many parents don't want to accept Aspergers as a possibilty because they picture it to be some HORRIBLE thing which makes life a constant hell.

True, it can be hell at times, moreso for some Aspies than for others. But other times it can just be a loneliness. Or being unable to communicate even though one can talk perfectly fine.

I have sought diagnosis as an adult and finally got a positive assessment at a local Autism center. But when I first discovered Aspergers, my mother didn't believe it at all. And then this last January, she accompanied me to a seminar on Aspergers, HFA, and NLD, and from hearing a professional talk about all the nuances of the disorder and then my meeting him and my mother and talking more about "me", since then my mom has been convinced.

I think most parents say "No, couldn't possibly be" because 1) they don't want it to be so, and 2) they don't know the disorder well enough and simply won't hear of it from you.

But good luck the more you research and decide whether this "Aspergers" is you or not. Just remember, you might not be a well-trained diagnostitician, but neither are your parents.

I'm in a similar situation. I was in the Gifted Program in school. But I have never fit in in any social situations and have always felt rather awkward. I didn't have any friends, was clueless about what is cool, etc.

Being gifted is simply a matter of scoring high enough on an IQ test. All the other gifted kids in my school were much cooler than me. They all had girl/boy-friends, friends, went to the prom, etc. I was much different.

I'm undiagnosed but 90% sure that I am on the autistic spectrum. My autistic-ness was pointed out by a friend who is familiar with austism because he brother is HFA.

Perhaps you should seek a formal diagnosis. At least then your parents couldn't deny it then.

Yeah, me too.

I'm classed as "highly gifted". I also have AS. And yes, the line between AS and giftedness is blurry. But I have a friend who's gifted and whilst she's similar to me in many ways (logical and analytical, offbeat sense of humour, strong interests etc.) she's also different (i.e. she doesn't pace or talk to herself or lose everything or jump a mile at sudden noises or have meltdowns...) Incidentally, when I mentioned to my mother that I thought I had AS, she reacted in exactly the same way: "You can't have it, you're too bright."

I had similar issues in school. I was always told I was "odd", "difficult", "trying to make things hard" you get the idea. But it was never thought of that it might not be intentional because I am extremely smart, so obviously I was doing it on purpose and could "help it" if I wanted to.
I graduated first in my class in high school, then turned down a college scholarship because to be honest, I didn't feel comfortable going. I don't like going new places, I really don't care if I grow up to conquer the business world, I think most of the classes you need to graduate would have been nearly impossible to sit through, let alone pay attention during. You get the idea.
My family actually came around a few years ago, and now they realize it isn't because I am trying to be "odd". The funny thing is that it took my son being exactly the same way as I am before they got it. He got diagnosed last year.
Don't give up that your mom might come around, a lot of NT people are pretty set in thier ways/beliefs (and they think WE obsess over things) and one of those is a fear of things they don't understand.

Thanks for replying... it's helped a little.

Yeah, but I think that going for a formal diagnosis would be quite expensive, and I strongly doubt that my parents would be willing to shell out the cash for me to get diagnosed with something they don't think I have. Maybe when I'm older and have my own money... but that won't be for several years.

Now this what makes me laugh at some people labeled with AS -- the belief that they are the only ones born with gifted intelligence, that their autistic condition is the root of their high intellect when autism itself has no affiliation with being a genius.

(Hi, btw. I've got no qualms with you, just this AS stereotype which implies that only these type of autistics are smart.)

"WE ARE THE BORG, YOU WILL BE ASSIMILATED, RESISTANCE IS FUTILE."

Teh Borg, Uber smart, and Uber NT Sterio (Steriotype).

I hope you come to a fair conclusion soon.

I hate to break it to you, but you're not teh funnah, Trekkie.

There, there, it's okay...

You sound like you have AS. Who else would count the number of tiles on their kitchen floor?

Never meant to be funny. Proving a point. Just because you're aspie does not make you smart.

Actually, it wasn't my kitchen floor. It was my father's friend's kitchen floor, and now I always remember that house as 'the one with 97 tiles on the kitchen floor'. I just happened to be bored with the conversations going on, so I wandered off to sit on the kitchen counter. Then I looked at the floor and thought, "Hey, nice tiles...since I've got nothing else to do, why don't I count them?" ...and so it started.

I told my classmate - another suspected aspie - about it, and she said there were 112 tiles on one of her bathroom walls.

Today I found out that this test had a new version and took it: www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php. I scored 147, and it said that I was "very likely an Aspie"; about the same thing the earlier version of the test told me. Don't know how reliable it is though... how much did you guys get?

My position is very similar. I'm undiagnosed (but going to speak to someone about it).

I was diagnosed with OCD many years ago.

My aspie-like traits are:

obsessive thoughts,
a few all-consuming interests which change occasionally,
poor social skills,
use of comforting routine for security,
early adoption of language and high reading skills
stilted and verbose manner of speech
poor at body language and take up "unnatural" postures
"stims" flicking fingers, pacing, tapping fingers, etc.
"weird" body language and find it hard to move fluidly
bullied at school
seem to perceive the world differently than others
find small-talk very difficult
sleep-problems
lots of personal rituals

I could probably go on but thats what jumps to mind