Music club last night (lack of social skills)

Post Reply New Topic

Hello everyone,

I wanted to share this experience I had last night, it was just like the experiences I've always had so it's nothing new to me and I'm sure to many of you. I just wanted to explore it pro-actively.

I was at a local music club last night to see some great shoegazer bands, since that's my favorite genre of music since the early 90's when I began going to see live bands. I was there with my girlfriend (yes, I somehow managed to attract someone, which I never thought would happen. I was thirty when I met her and she was my first and so far only one. It's a good thing she is understanding about my Asperger's tendancies, and she understands my odd sense of humor, which is really unusual). Getting back to the subject, we were there to see my friends' band play and catch some other acts. After the show my friend came over to our table and sat down and we started to chat. As usual, I would timidly attempt to converse but the conversation would invariably become one between he and my girlfriend. Then other band members joined us, and their friends. Pretty soon ther was a nice little crowd of men and women in their thirties and everyone seemed on a roll, cracking jokes and connecting in some unexplainable way (at least to me). Of course, there I was, just sitting there watching all this happen around me yet unable to join in. I would smile and laugh along, but I just didn't feel part of it. It never ceases to amaze me, how people can make connections so easily, within seconds, yet it may take me years to cultivate a friendship in which any sort of relaxed dialog could occur. I just don't understand what it is, and I wonder how they view my behaviour.
I always seem to be observing everyone else living life.

Have you guys found a way to connect with people in this type of situation? Is there a technique, a secret password, how do they do it

Take care,
DB

I've had A LOT of situations like this and believe me, I'm asking myself the same thing. I heard from my mom, my counselor and other people (who I forget who they are) that there's this thing called "Social Cues". I think it mostly has to do with verbal cues or something.

That's pretty much all I know, sorry that I'm not much help...

This used to happen to me all the time.

Whenever I was with a good friend, having a great one-on-one conversation, and somebody new joined in, my friend and the new person would take the conversation over, and I'd never knew when to speak. I didn't know whether it was because I was a slow talker or not - I did lose a fair bit of confidence, but I've since regained it back mostly. I still am clumsy in conversations with three or more people - I am just used to it

It's a fact of life. Many of us have problems with timing, social cues, verbal adeptness etc. that contribute to this. I have learned to accept this, be happy that I'm often good at one to one and have other gifts, and try not to covet the gifts of the NTs.