deep breath...

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...and ready. Just wanted to introduce myself, and how I got here. I am not a formally diagnosed anything, although I do know I am not particularly NT. I am good with that, for the most part anyway. I was doing an internet search on one of my traits, and the wandering led me to asperger's. It struck a chord of familiarity, although initially all I saw was more of the clinical explanation. To me, that doesn't say too much, especially in the next breath they say "there are degrees" and those articles were written by alleged normal people looking in - I did more digging to find out more from "the other side" as it were, and that is what got me here.

A little about myself -
As a child, I was known as the "human tv guide" - apparently I could tell you whatever program was on, and when. I could regurgitate, verbatim, what was said in a conversation (found out VERY fast that people don't like that, so I tried not to do that). I was extremely shy - I never was very comfortable in crowds, and birthday parties, I didn't have a clue - I was pretty sure I was invited for the gift only anyway, because once I got there, no one would talk to me (in retrospect, they were probably waiting for me to do the approaching). I left one or two of them without telling anyone. I think the mom would remember I was there, because one of the party takeaway bags was still there, and then they began to wonder, oh yeah, where did the quiet blonde kid go. I still find that in a crowded room, if I don't make the supreme effort, I disappear into the wallpaper, but I have learned a few coping mechanisms for that, and if I feel myself floating away, I try to paddle back - I have often compared myself to the cheshire cat, when all that is left of me eventually is my grin before I disappear - the trick is to re-appear. Thing is, I am not particularly shy, I don't like being the odd girl out all the time - I just find I don't know what to say, how to start the conversation, nor really how to end it easily. I just got used to walking away when I felt I was not "welcome".


However, when I do get going on a subject, you might want to sit down and get comfortable, because I generally will keep talking until I am done (especially if I am excited about something), and the other person rarely gets a chance to speak. I topic shift like mad as well, and if I know where I am going, there is no stopping me. Otherwise, if it is a surprise and I have to talk, to defend, explain why, carry on a conversation, etc., smooth conversation doesn't happen. I do seem to stutter, and topic shift, overexplain, repeat myself, say "strange" things (I am guessing they were strange, because of the sidelong glances I occasionally get) and I do find I have to break eye contact to keep going. I am very much like the character Lt. Barclay from ST TNG in speech and manner. I find this the most frustrating part, because in my mind, I hear the words flawlessly, they make sense, the comment is witty - It just won't come out my mouth that way. I know my mouth works, and it frustrates me (especially when "helpful" people finish my sentences, add things to what I am saying, demand further information when I am trying to cover the last topic or just plain walk in and change the subject because they are tired of listening to me, or didn't see me in the first place and started talking because apparently no one else was talking, were they? - it just flusters me). I tend to talk in big words, and substitute words quite frequently.

Its not good to interrupt me when I am learning something new, especially if it is critical to my job or interesting to me personally. I attended a work shop a couple of weeks ago in my hobby, and I was getting very annoyed with people interrupting me about lunch, and the next step when I hadn't finished the step I was working on, or offering me coffee with multiple choice cream, sugar, etc and would I like a snack ad infinitum, ad nauseum. If I am thirsty, hungry or have to go to the bathroom, I will let you know. Otherwise, just let me finish what I am doing, and I will be pleased to answer your questions then. I just cannot multitask. By the end of the workshop I was getting those side long glances again, because I was saying strange things again, sigh.

I smile a lot. Sitting at my desk I will be just smiling as I work. I like my work, but it isn't what I am thinking of, its more that something has passed through my mind I thought was smile worthy, and I smile. Its not until someone makes a comment that I realize I *have* been smiling (and they want to be let in on the joke. I can't explain why I was smiling. My dad was the same way). It is a good job - transcription. I can be in a room full of people and ignore them, and concentrate on what I need to do for the most part - in fact, the office rule anyway technically is "don't bug the transcriptionist". Its a nice rule when people obey it. Part of my job used to be filing as well. I liked filing, except when I had to climb up on ladders to reach the top shelves (clumsy, see below). It was invigorating to have everything nice and neat and put away. These two jobs, have made others quit because to them these things were mind numbing (to them, anyway)- I can't tell you how many people have tried to save me from the boredom, but I am *not * bored - they just don't get it either, sigh.

I tend to sway. I wasn't aware of it until someone said that I would make a good mom because I like to sway back and forth. I just did it for something to do, and usually in down moments of thought, waiting for a bus, waiting for a fax to go through, etc.

I don't have many friends. THe one good one I do have, I rarely talk to her, it just doesn't occur to me to call. She tends to put up with me, though. SHe also tends to bring her children with her when we visit, and kids bother me (they are good kids , but I can't take the occasional high pitched screams kids can make, or the little insistent voices that derail the current train of thought). I find little ones seem to make a lot of noise (an actual surprising amount), and it can throw my concentration off anyway (occasionally I have to retreat to the staff room under pretense of a coffee refill, but really, its just to have a little quiet time). I am a little more sensitive to sound - it is a constant issue at work about the radio. I can hear the radio when it is almost off. There is a small turn down/turn up battle going on daily - I turn the thing down when I think no one is looking, and someone turns it back up when they know I am not looking. This is within 3 volume ticks too. Sometimes I can handle the radio if there are less distractions, but on a day when there are kids in the waiting room, fax and printers going off, phones ringing madly, air conditioning ducts squeaking, people milling about and making rustling noises, it is just too much.


In school, and at work, I was/am known as "the girl who knows everything". If I don't know it, I am usually compelled to look it up for "next time" (I just researched a bird that was sighted by one of my coworkers, which I found, discovered what it sounds like, and why he was sitting in the tree across from my window when he didn't look like he particularly belonged in this region- it was a western tanager, btw. I love the internet ). I remember class mates saying that if a concept was too hard for me, then the rest of them didn't have a chance. I found out that apparently, not everyone can look through a book once and not only remember the information, but find the page it was on and know it was beside a certain picture in the book - I think and remember in pictures. If I can't find the words when I want to speak, then I find I am madly drawing out what I am thinking of in the air with my hands. I have also been told that when I listen to someone, its like they are the only one in the world at that moment. People appreciate a good listener, but I fear it is because I just can't think of what I should say next.

I am clumsy - my little sister used to mow the lawn because my parents wouldn't let me near the lawnmower. My sister again at christmas took away a knife that I was using to cut turnips, because she didn't think it was going to end well for me. Just recently, I managed to catch my foot under a cart I was pulling, and knocked myself onto the ground - my hands just looked like hamburger and I was bleeding quite happily, my knees were bruised, and I was sore and aching for the rest of the week - I am amazed I didn't break anything, actually. I would like to say that is the only time I have fallen, but what we like and what happens, are two different things. I just have to be careful where I put my feet.

That is probably a good cross section of me, anyway. Like I say, I am not sure if I am aspie or not, although it would explain a lot. It is interesting what comes pouring out when I start writing things down, though. Would I get diagnosed? I thought about that - I figured that if I was aspie, it wouldn't change who I am, although it would explain an awful lot. I am not someone who likes to use a label for an excuse - we are responsible for what we do in action and deed, and it would embarrass me anyway if people started treating me "special" or thinking of a label when I did something off the wall - again. If I don't have the AS label, then I celebrate my differences I suppose, I am who I am, and cope with my uniqueness. That is my thinking currently, anyway.

Thanks for "listening":)

Welcome to WP!

You sound pretty aspie to me. Welcome to WP!

To WrongPlanet!! !

Welcome to WP, hope you like it here.

Nice to meet you, grinningcat.

ya, ur definitly an aspie. my friend has never been officially diagnosed but they know. one nuerologist said he has it, but i guess it aint written in stone.

Welcome to the party.

BTW, what was the hobby that you went to a workshop and people were bothering you?

Could you - by any chance - be my twin sister ?!

Everything is so recognizable!! !

Amazing how that works.



Love that attitude. I think the phrase I've repeated most on this board has been "you are who you are" usually in conjunction with a thread about getting a diagnosis.

I make dollhouse miniatures - the workshop itself was a two day affair to make a quarter inch scale doll's house (a cute little Victorian style), which theoretically was supposed to be finished in those two days . I was quite excited about it, it was the first workshop outside of the smaller club ones that I had attended. There were 6 people enrolled, a few that I have known for years now, but it was really close quarters and quite chaotic anyway because no one got a supply list until the day before the workshop, not to mention the kit supplied was not well put together, and the teacher (who used to be a grade school teacher) wasn't sure what to do with a bunch of visual learners. She had even asked us our learning style (and every single one said "tactile and visual"), yet every time we had a question, she directed us to written directions, which weren't very good anyway (I have taught workshops at our club meetings, I get very few questions because I try to make the project as self-explanatory as possible so I don't have to do any of the explaining myself, LOL!). If I knew I was going to be referring to written directions, I would have just done it at home where I didn't have distractions, or at least find a different distraction if things weren't going well. I am still working on the house, but at least I don't have to worry about anyone madly sanding and knocking the table around while I am wielding an exacto blade, etc.

Cool, I always did think I was missing a twin (or how cool it would be to have one actually). It appears, however, I was missing an entire world of brothers and sisters, LOL!

Oh yeah, you're diagnosable, but I'm not sure I would bother. You seem to be making a fine life for yourself. Have you thought about earplugs at work?

I have been toying with that idea... its a matter of trying to use them discretely (small, open office), or I will be constantly explaining "why" I have them - what would be ideal is if I could have my transcription gear and a noise blocker integrated together, then it wouldn't be so obvious with constant use. There is talk of going digital with the transcription, it may be time to put in my wish list, since it will primarily affect me anyway - I might as well tailor the job to my needs. Certainly I can make the case there that it boosts productivity and accuracy, anyway.

Maybe so, but I think you would need to explain only two or three times that you are sound sensitive and too much noise hurts. End of explaination. You would not even need to mention the asperger's.

Welcome, grinningcat.
I think that you could get a diagnosis if you wanted to, but you seem to be able to get by without one, so there doesn't seem much of a point, logically.
But if it would benefit you in some other way than getting outside support, then sure, get one for all means...although it may be expensive. It generally is for adults for some unknown reason.

This is almost a mirror version of what I was like as a child.
I actually used to be very outgoing around family and people who knew me well, because I could just be myself and be accepted for who I am. Although at school I was very quiet. I didn't know what to do to make friends so I'd rather not try. I had a habit of walking away from others at breaks as well. Initially people might have asked me to join them in a game but part way through I would notice that they were ignoring me, so I walked away. I guess it was to save myself the hurt of knowing I wasn't liked by these particular people, which seemed to happen an aweful lot.



Lol, this is all too familliar.
I tend to go off on tangents about things that interest me, sometimes talking about multiple topics at a time and not really comprehendable to others. I used to have issues with knowing when to stop talking, but now I just hate people interrupting me altogether and want to keep talking regardless.
Overexplaining is something that my step father accuses me of on a daily basis. He says that I overcomplicate every activity, explanation or idea which in turn confuses not only him but myself...which is true, although I don't do it on purpose.
I used to have a real problem with stuttering a few years ago but now not as much. I only tend to stutter when I am forced to think of something to say unreasonabley fast or when i'm anxious, which does happen when having to think of something to say in little time.

Anyway, sorry for the long post.