The lightbulb came on - and it all made sense...

Post Reply New Topic

I somehow stumbled upon this site yesterday. Having spent the majority of my time here since, I'd have to say I am still a bit stunned. As I read through many of the threads, it slowly dawned on me that yes, I probably was an aspie.

I understood the language in posts. I found immense humor in the signatures. I found a comfort level I've never felt before. After reading numerous threads and seeing myself repeatedly, it just felt like the kaleidoscope turned and turned and suddenly light came pouring in. I got it.

How can one go for so many years and never get it? I am 54 years old and aspie label was not prevalent some years back, so I suppose that is how I missed it. My folks only in the passed couple of years admitted that they thought something was not quite right. I struggled so with life. Could not imagine taking care of myself (though I'd done so for years), could not imagine being a responsible adult (though I have been for years). Though employed by corporations for years, they drove me crazy because it always felt that everyone had been given some secret or rules of the game except me. All the many other difficulties I've experienced in life fit quite well into what I've seen posted here.

I took an aspie test online, and although my score was only 113. it is clear that some areas are over the top. I am black and white. I did not know there were shades of gray. Even when told there are, I still could not understand it. I did not know that corporations have hierarchies. Yes, I did know that people reported to other people and folks had different salaries, but I just never quite saw it as one person being any better or more important than another person.

I've never quite gotten the hang of joining groups successfully. I am considered a bit off. Of course, there was the one woman in an art class who said that I was "a breath of fresh air." That was a positive way of saying that I am different from the rest of them.

I actually feel pretty good knowing there is even a name for this. I can now begin to re-examine my life and understand why my life has taken particular paths.

To whomever started this website, I thank you.

Welcome to WP!

Until someone forwarded me a link to an article five years ago, I'd never heard of it, either. When you and I were in school, nobody was looking for anything like Asperger Syndrome. Either you were ret*d, or you were normal, so we were classified as normal (even though I knew and I'm sure you did too, we were far from it). Discovering that AS had a name, and that other people were experiencing the same thing was so cathartic for me, I can barely express it in words (and you'll see from my posts, I'm rarely at a loss for those). It explained so much to me, my entire life made more sense - even now, several years later, I'll suddenly recall something from my childhood that made me feel stupid or odd or different and now that I understand it as an atypical brain function, I feel much less 'defective.'

Parents and relatives in our generation simply insisted that we fit in as best we could, so we did, however uncomfortably. Maybe in some ways, that was a good thing in that we were allowed no excuses for failure, but psychologically speaking, I don't think it's ever healthy to pound a square peg mind into a round hole world.
Too many times I've sat in the dark with a loaded gun trying to convince myself that if I just held on one more day, I'd find a place in this world where I fit. At least now, I understand I was never meant to fit, and that's okay. It's alright to feel somewhat alienated, because Aspies truly are born onto a planet that was not designed for us, but it doesn't mean we're broken. Just gifted with a unique perspective, and a world full of mundane, boring sheep needs people like us to keep them all from slipping into a collective coma.

I don't think the boring collective sheep are in any danger of slipping into a collective coma. Willard, it nauseates me how you masturbate your ego. I don't care who you are how old you are. You say this things that are of such a blatantly self-congratulatory nature. It disgusts me. The collective sheep, etc., Who really feels the need to say things like this? It's perverse.

We as humans are habitual creatures, and so someone needs to question the habits andcustoms around us. We can do that in some circumstances.

But, I agree, no, we are no better. We are just different.

Hi Curiosity welcome to the "right" planet

I agree we are just different, in fact there is a whole group of people who are just different, I have always know I was not the same as everyone else, like many people with Autism. I would also like to add there are many more undiagnosed people who are on the autism spectrum, just do not know yet!.

You may enjoy one of my lastest articles- Making Sense (last updated 18 May 2008):
http://asplanet.info/index.php?option=c ... Itemid=129

Hello Curiosity!

Bless you, Mary Sunshine. I feel so uplifted and improved by your inspirational leadership. Your positive comments about me leave me chagrined at my arrogance; truly your vehemence and bile have changed me for the better. I strive to be more like you: hateful and mean to the sour core. You're my hero.

I myself never knew about Asperger's until recently. I stumbled upon the "syndrome" when trying to find some help for myself. After joining with this online community, I have felt much less like a victim of a "syndrome", but actually more of a member of a group with extreme mental sensitivity.
I've only started reading the blogs and posts of all the members, and I can already relate to their knowledge and humor.
I feel better that I'm not alone.
-ry

Welcome to WP!

Welcome, rv. I just discovered this site myself. And had similar reactions to yours.

Curiosity

To both of you:

To WrongPlanet!! !

Curiosity and Ry - welcome!

Your stories are not uncommon - sadly. But I am glad tha you've found this site.

Many of the older aspies who congregate in the dino aspie ex-cafe in the introductory forum have found out about aspergers in the past year.

I think this is the place where you can learn and grow and find friendship. You can also share your wisdom. How have you survived?

I am NT but I have found friendship, acceptance, honesty, humour ... etc etc etc

My question to one after hearing her story was "Why aren't you dead?" Her reply: "Because I'm still alive!"

welcome to WP!
Isn't it interesting that we live our lives knowing something is wrong, and one moment we are just bopping along and the next moment our lives have changed forever, even though our circumstances haven't changed at all.

Merle

It is interesting. My regular route of attack on subjects is to get books and learn about the subject. I have gotten a book, but for the first time am not sure whether to actually read it yet. Somehow, it seems there might be a greater importance to doing some self-examination first. Understanding on my own why my life has been as it has. This is so unlike my usual approach to things, but it feels like the right or better approach.

Perhaps I fear that reading about aspergers will color my thoughts and for the moment I still need to color outside the lines on my own.

I also lost both parents in the past 1 1/2 years, the second being 2 months ago. How I wish they were here to discuss this new revelation with. The orphaned feeling in adulthood is still devastating at the moment. Having made such a huge self-discovery about aspergers does not exactly help matters.

Am working through the grieve of parental-loss as well as the grief/relief of learning of my aspergers aspects.

It appears there is a long road of introspection ahead (as if I've never been there before ). However, the changes in my life are so drastic that the shift will take much getting used to, I fear.

I still have Tony Atwood's "the Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome" and I have not cracked it (opened it) because I didn't want to 'spoil' myself for my diagnosis. I know exactly what you mean!



I do identify with your grief, and your inability to tell them, those people that were as baffled or worse, convinced of some less pleasant reason for your actions all those years. I lost my parents within in three months of each other (they were elderly and devoted to each other and my father passed soon after my mother.) This was a decade before my discovery of Asperger's Syndrome but the inability to tell them, to let them know that I was doing the very best I could with out knowing what the actual issue was is devastating.



If you are like me, I will take that knowledge of Asperger's and digest it in my own good time. I can procrastinate and put off with the best of them, and the benefit of posting and reading on WrongPlanet has been incalculable in it's therapeutic value. I can see how other's grow and develop and it has given me a true compass of on line friends that keep me from collapsing in the despair of it all.

Welcome and welcome again, Curiosity. As I have said ad nauseum here, and I hope my friends will endulge me one more time, it's like that scene from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" when we all come walking out of the Mother ship. . .dazed and confused, but all has been revealed.

Merle