Hi all, my name is bern. I'm 49 years old and I live in Australia. I've had the intention for a couple of weeks now to introduce myself on this site, but the truth is I did'nt know quite where to start, or what to say, so I'll start at the beginning. Two years ago our little girl who is now 7 was diagnosed with Aspergers which came as one hell of a shock to my wife and myself, especially to me and for quite a while I refused to accept it. My wife accepted the diagnosis and did the sensible thing and set out to find out more about Aspergers by reading lots of books etc. I, on the other hand, did'nt read any books because I found it so difficult to accept. Eventually after much pressure and persuasion from my lovely wife I took a book to work one night and read it from cover to cover. As the night wore on and the pages were read and turned, my jaw dropped lower and lower, I just could'nt believe what I was reading, It was, as one writer on this forum has said, like reading a biography of my childhood. I was in total disbelief. When I arrived home the next morning I told my wife about what I had read, of course she had already read it so she knew what was in the book. I mentioned that it was like reading about myself, but did'nt say much more, though I spent quite a long time afterwards thinking about it. Recently my wife and I have had some difficulties in our marriage, and the subject came up again, I accused her, ( if that's the right word ) of having Aspergers, because I had always suspected that our girls Aspergers had come from her family. She told me in a very forthright manner where it came from and that it certainly was'nt her, and that even her sister thought I was odd. She then proceeded to run off a long list of traits all of which I have in common with our little girl, in fact she is exactly like me in every way when I was her age. This was only a few weeks ago, and it was my wife that showed me an article in a magazine about Aspergers and adults which is where I found the link to WP. Since then I have been doing a lot of reading on Aspergers in adults, and have been in shock and disbelief at what I have read. Everytime I read something new, it's like having another piece of my protective armour torn off, the more I read the more vulnerable and exposed I feel, it's like everything I thought was just my personality and special and unique to me is no more than a set of traits, though recently I am beginning to come to terms with it, and I realise that I still am unique, I just happen to have these traits too. In a way it's a relief, because it explains so much about my life particularly my childhood and schooling, and it also explains why I have never been able to form or maintain friendships, and why having to be with other people sometimes actually physically hurts. I have no plans to persue an official diagnosis, it's pointless, it won't change anything, I've got this far without one, and actually been quite succesful in my life (apart from relationships), though my wife and I are together again and getting on better than we have ever done.
20 May 2008, 10:48 am
