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Hi people,

I wouldn't even be on the forum at the moment if I weren't in a bout of mini-depression again. i'm finding it hard to write this at the moment as about a million thoughts pass through my head at once right now and there's barely enough space for all of them (there's always either a million or none at all). I've been having general troubles at the moment and i'm not really sure what it's down to... either personal faults or perhaps Aspergers-related traits. I've been having a million doubts about myself at the moment also, as I struggle to get a grasp of conversational (and general social technique).

The problem I seem to have is that, which I enjoy talking to people (I consider it social training) I have difficulties doing so, unless it's online of course. I usually don't even have to courage to say hello to people, initiate conversation or even do something as simple as ask for a epn in some situations. I don't really know to what extent it is where somebody becomes your friend or aqquaintance and I usually associate myself with other "wierd" people. Many people consider me normal but shy, but that doesn't explain the fact that, when i'm talking to somebody - by brain swells to the extent that thoughts cannot run freely (my way of saying I can't think of anything to say) and conversations usually fall apart into occasional fragmented comments.

As I said, I enjoy conversing but not starting conversation, or even saying to people unless necessary. Another problem I face is inability to remember that I should be making facial expressions such as when happy (or smiling acknowledgingly at somebody you know while walking past them in the street). A large problem I face with this is that I'm unsure of how much i'm moving my face muscles while performing those expressions... I don't want to smile erratically for example in an innappropriate conversation.

I also face problems in college when in classes, when my mind drifts off completely when the teacher is explaining something, or having "learner's block" which is basically writers block but when you're supposed to be doing a class activity... Sometimes I just cannot put my mind to a task.

Don't get me started on what i'm like when alone. While I enjoy being alone to an extent I enjoy being around other people, but not necessarily talking to them... just being around them. When I'm alone I ponder past situations and conversations and think about things where I may have been minorly embarrassed or done somthing silly and play them up in my head so they seem more insignificant than they are then I imagine that people think much less of me becasue of those situations. I rarely speak my opinion because i'm such a wuss i'm always trying to pelase the other person's interests in conversation which contributes to conversations drying up.My confidence is always boosted when I actually talk to people and do things because they're never as bad as I thnk they will be.

That's all just the start of it... i'm sure i'll think of something else later. I'm only writing this now as i'll forget about all my problems later until a few days later when they'll all start flooding back to me. Not sure if i'm even Aspie right now as I have no Diagnosis and I took the kinda unrealiable loooong test online again and got much lower scores (not saying I "failed" ) - I got 129 this time.

Sorry for the miserable depressed/ing thread... I'll lighten up a bit tomorrow, and once i've read a few replies i'm sure. I'd like you guys to be brutally honest and let me know what you think, whether you relate at all and what advice you can give me as if I keep on going at this rate i'll never make another friend in my life!

Just to encourage more replies... I will most definitely read every one

Well, I can certainly relate to everything you write. What you're describing is the more or less typical Aspergers experience. No easy answers.

What you're saying about facial muscles is interesting. To me it seems the connection between facial muscles and inner experience is arbitray. Non existant. How can there be a universally correct set of facial muscles that move in accordance with my feelings? There isn't because there are so many of us who'se muscles are not reacting in the same way as the majority.

That in no way makes us worse or inferior or less human, though.

Is the problem that you can't initiate conversation, or you're expectation that you should be frequently initiating conversations? That initiating conversations is somehow important.

I can initiate conversations sometimes, though only if I've spoken to the person a few times before. I just don't talk to many people very often and I find it hard knowing if people like me (I always default to the idea that people aren't interested in me even if they show obvious friendliness and interest).

The facial muscles thing is strange... I will automatically show expression but usually just smiling after laughing or if i'm extremely happy... otherwise it's kinda forced, and when it's kinda forced it's hard to guage the precision of a potential expression i'll show.

EDIT: Actually that was playing it up a bit... I do show facial expression often but it's usually barely noticable becasue of it's minuity (real word? probably not) or more visible when i'm in privacy

Welcome back to WP!

Thanks Tim, it's been a while

I understand what you mean when you say you want to be around people even if it isn't talking to them.

I sit in my room on my computer for hours a day, not a fan of going out in public and talking to people but late at night after I get off work(Get home around midnight) I find if I just sit here I get increasingly more depressed and lonely the longer I do. I usually have some sort of mini panic attack and leave my house and spend time with my friend who has the same work schedule as me. Even if it is something as simple as watching tv or even just going over his place and listening to some music, just not sitting at home alone helps.

About enjoying conversations... I don't know so much about that. I can't really talk to people unless I am really comfortable around them and then I don't open up to anyone really. I enjoy talking to people on the internet. Instant messengers and forums have probably saved my life a few times, I can talk so much better when the personal factor is removed from the equation. Not having to see someone or look at them while talking makes getting along so much better. I like to think I am a pretty good conversationalist but really only online. When I get in person it tends to break down to me being really anxious and nervous about making mistakes etc.,


I also hear you on the just drifting away in class. Sometimes the teacher and people just go on about the dumbest things, and it is really hard to give that much effort to something that doesn't interest you at all. Probably why I did terribly in highschool and all my teachers hated me. They knew I was smart enough to do the work and I did very well on all the tests but I would sleep in class and just not pay attention because what they were talking about was completely uninteresting and I couldn't force myself to pay attention. Not sure if that is where you are coming from, but *shrug*.


Off to bed though, work tomorrow and I have heaps of laundry to do before that.

I guess i'm not going to get any help, advice or guidance here then.

No surprise really... usually long posts on WP just result in people saying "Me Too".
Not that it isn't interesting, it just doesn't move anything forward.

Hello

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

bump?

thanks, i'll try it... I think I can get the hang of the whole social thing. It's just going to take a lot of confidence and time. Two things i'm not sure I have enough of.

Everybody's different in that reguard. Although most aspies have the same experiences in those situations, not everyone smiles when they pass someone they know nor do they frown when you say something disappointing or sad. Everybody reacts differently to different situations so don't worry too much about said facial expressions and gestures, as there is no universal signs. Some people will smile and laugh at situations others would frown at, some show no reaction at all. It all depends on the person.

As for the social block, you don't always have to be talking to be part of the conversation. It's 50-50, in groups less. It's just as much on them to come up with things to say in this situation. People are generally not going to look down on you for saying nothing and sometimes the best thing to do is to know when to keep quiet. If you do have something to say though, don't second guess yourself just let it out. Saying something stupid is something that everyone does, and it probably seems worse to you than it does to others, as they probably won't think much of it.

Just keep these in mind.

Yes, that's something I only realised recently and It has indeed held me back; the fear of saying something stupid. What I have only realised recently is that what I find deeply embarassing a lot of the time, others probably do not see it as anything at all. Just like when other people make mistakes I don't think about it and associate it with their reputation or personality.

National Autistic Society looks inteersting though it's disappointing that not only is it a "charity" but you have to pay for membership.