...and yet another...

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Good afternoon...

My name is Gary. I'm 37, married with 2 children, have an successful career, and until yesterday morning, I'd never even heard of Asperger. It was then that my wife came home with our three year old son from a check-up with his pediatrician. She was in tears, and told me the doctor thinks our son might have slight autism or something called Asperger Syndrome.

Of course, I had to find out everything I possibly could about these two related "disorders" immediately. What I found amused me to the point of laughter. Rather than describing my son, everything I read described me. Yet, I never thought of myself as having a disorder.

Slightly different from many other "I'm new" posts I'm reading, I'd like to introduce myself by telling you about today and my perspective now, and not the journey to get here.

I always knew I had a great advantage over my peers. The ability to focus on topics of interest would provide me with a career as a software engineer. I never understood why so few others could concentrate on problems in order to solve them. It's been my experience that those who are truly successful in my professional field also have this ability to focus, and the lack of social skills.

The lack of "social grace" allowed me to move past "the Jones'" and avoid the worst of bad relationships. While those around me growing up were more interested in "hanging out" or being "in", I tended to prefer doing what needed to be done, and then doing more purposeful things... things that gave me knowledge and understanding.

It's this same ability to focus that allowed me, in my adult years, to overcome social issues which would likely hinder marriage and raising children. Once I could convince those around me that I wasn't offended by having my flaws pointed out, I could look at those flaws, evaluate them... understand them... and work with them. In doing this, I can change myself.

Granted, I still don't have (and really have no interest in having) the social skills of many around me. I'm often described as eccentric and introverted. I'm okay with that. The social butterflies around me have marriage problems, career problems, financial problems, and really have no clue where they are going in life. I have something few people really achieve: happiness and contentment.

So, I have to ask those here: Are the symptoms described as A.S. a disorder, or a gift? I suppose, like everything else in life, it's not what you have, but what you make of it.

Take care
Gary

Welcome to Wrong Planet, Gary.

Nice to meet you, Gary.

Welcome to WP!

Hi Gary,

Welcome!

Is AS a gift? I wouldn't say that it is a "gift", more like a "blessing"!

Aspergers are mostly the thinkers (as you are aware) of society, we're actually the ones thinking about building stuff up and delivering them. You're a software engineer, I'm sure you understand.

Personally, I'd rather think about a technological device to make things better than spending time chatting and watching football at the local sports bar, what "normal" people do for entertainment.

Yes, Asperger is a form of autism but we're functionnal, we can work in society, have great jobs, have families, attain our goals and our dreams.

We may need a bit of support to reach them but we are in no way inept in doing it.

It is just a different set of skills, albeit a unique set. Even us Aspies do not share the same ones.

I have a kid and I am anxious to see how he'll be doing growing up. Will he have AS? I don't know, I'll wait and see but one thing's sure: I'll understand and I'll support him, whatever his goals are (well, in a reasonable way).

BTW, I can TOTALLY relate to what you say in those last paragraphs of yours. Amen to that!

Like you said so well: It is what we make of it.

Again: Welcome!

hi gary. well the spectrum is wide and some can have more problems than the others. plus many have other coexisting problems, that might make it more complicated than that. tell your wife not to worry, though. give her yourself as an example.

Hello Gary,

Welcome to Wrong Planet.

if asperger is a blessing or not deppends, by some reason some people (me) are tend to be born stupid as hell and desocialised -_-' so it really depends on person to person i still dont know if i have anxiety or (well

im anxiety for sure i scored full on a test) anyway be happy to be so smart because i really cant live with the fact that some aspie (asperger syndromes) are so increadibly smart abd i have to think hours for simple

answers that a 9 year old can do with its eyes close also never had any medications i also knew i whas asperger when i whas like well 15 only few months ago i figured out =/

welcome to WP btw much autism things will become clear here

Perhaps I'm risking offending you here, but I'm willing to bet you are quite a bit better at some things compared to the norm. Different people are "smart" in different ways. There are also many more "subjects" than those found on acadamic tests.

Already you've "out done" me in your social skills alone. Had I been in your shoes, I probably would have been extremely pissed about some prick bragging. I wouldn't have bothered to hide how I felt in my response. At best, I'd just walk away. Yet, you reply in a polite way, pointing out your own flaws and still welcoming me.

Thank you for your kindness.

To WrongPlanet!! !

Hi garyd9 welcome to the "right" planet and community.... many of us discover our selfs via our children, for me it was the other way around.. but just over 1 year ago I myself had no idea what "aspergers" was, it has been life changing as my life unfolds and makes sense, my older son has now been diagnosed and like many families once one diagnosed the links appear. I see it as a positive true, identity for me and long term will enrich my whole family.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!